Sean Avery once again saves a slow hockey news day...

Sean Avery's brilliance is beyond question. Through the use of non-violent resistance, he managed to ...

• Give New York Rangers coach John Tortorella a rhetorical wedge; you can hear the, "Avery can't do anything because he's a marked man in this league," already;
  
• Give the sports broadcasting industry that has, thank you Kelly McParland, "committ(ed) itself to hours of airtime every day, whether or not it has anything of interest to report," something to talk about for the next news cycle; good on him for doing it on a night when there were only three games on the NHL docket, then;
  
• Keep his teammates from having to address serious questions about how they can manage to get into a higher playoff seed with a remaining schedule that consists of Carolina, Boston, Montreal and Philadelphia, twice;
• Took hockey hammerheads' minds off the Sunday Times feature which called him a "fashion-fascinated dandy";
  
• Cheesed off the New Jersey Devils.

Avery is far from the only reason to pay attention to the NHL, but he sure can liven up an otherwise dull night where there were only two other games on the schedule. Greater minds have said this already, but be glad there is a hockey player who will, when speaking for the record, refer to a recent tussle with Cal Clutterbuck of the Minnesota Wild as, "... the most honest moment of clarity I have on any level of life, as funny as that sounds. Before I went away and after I went away, it's still the quietest time I ever have in my head — when I’m about to engage someone in that manner."

That beats the hell out of hearing, "It's part of the game," every day of the week. It shows there is one guy out there trying to be somewhat original in a sport, which in Canada at least, is strangling the life out of itself. That McParland editorial in the National Post was just a wee bit withering, but it got at how the way saturation coverage of the NHL is killing the golden goose, for a lot of people who like a varied sports diet:

"in the age of 24/7 sports coverage, intelligence is way down the priority list.

Cable is a great invention, but it's ruined hockey. Maybe all sports for all I know, but hockey in particular. Televised hockey coverage consists of inane softball questions, rehearsed responses and panels of nattering heads.

" ... The players have been conditioned to expect such pap, and trained to respond in kind. Any young prospect with promise undergoes media conditioning in which they're coached on a handful of key methods for filling 20 seconds while saying nothing. Most barely make eye contact; few bother to break out of a monotone. It's excruciatingly dull, but you can't blame the players. The industry has brought this on itself by committing itself to hours of airtime every day, whether or not it has anything of interest to report. The time has to be filled, so pointless interviews, repetitious replays and mindless banter become crucial to filling gaps between the commercials.

The players have been conditioned to expect such pap, and trained to respond in kind. Any young prospect with promise undergoes media conditioning in which they're coached on a handful of key methods for filling 20 seconds while saying nothing. Most barely make eye contact; few bother to break out of a monotone. It's excruciatingly dull, but you can't blame the players. The industry has brought this on itself by committing itself to hours of airtime every day, whether or not it has anything of interest to report. The time has to be filled, so pointless interviews, repetitious replays and mindless banter become crucial to filling gaps between the commercials."

It's a reminder why the best time to be a hockey fan is during the Stanley Cup playoffs, which are not so far away. The game speaks for itself. Turn the TV on in time for the opening faceoff, shut it off when the game ends, go on living your life. Bliss.

Related:
Will someone please save hockey from cable TV? (Kelly McParland, National Post)
The Demon on his shoulder (Allen Salkin, The New York Times)

Snark break ...

(Please omit flowers for the Montreal Impact. Canadian soccer teams always being the scrappy underdog is so little for the mind ... but they came so close.)

There is a method to the madness of the CFL legalizing the Wildcat formation: Based on last season, the Argos should have the quarterback handling the ball as little as possible.

It's good to see the single point we know and love will be spared. It might be universally regarded as an award for failure, but that's Canada at its essence. Thank your lucky stars for that, eh, John Tory?

Say whatever you want about Terrell Owens, but four quarterbacks have thrown 30 touchdown passes in a season with him, and only one of them ever did it without him, Hall of Famer Steve Young. Granted, it's better for ESPN when the Dallas Cowboys are stupid. (Fist bump: Pacifist Viking.)

Ontario Hockey League commissioner David Branch said this week the recession is having "no significant impact on the league." For instance, the Kingston Frontenacs will sell as many playoff tickets as they did last season.

That's not a cheap shot when you consider that the Frontenacs tried to blame their attendance on the recession, despite the fact most season tickets were paid in full before the Dow took a dump.

Thank you, Cox Bloc: We want Sean Avery. We need Sean Avery.

Lastly, one for The Tao of Stieb: It's a sad commentary on the state of Canadian literacy that so many have heard Prime Time Sports regular James Deacon on the radio, but never read one of his columns.

This post is worth nothing, but this is worth noting

• The MLB Network is getting rave reviews, which perfectly explains why it could never get carriage in Canada.
  
• Twitter is bad, very bad. Go tweet that to all of your followers.
• Ottawa native Chris Bisson, a sophomore shortstop at the University of Kentucky, is on the Canadian Baseball Network's 2010 draft list.
• The economy is bad, Ken Griffey is back in Seattle, it's pretty much like the early '90s, so perfect time for all four Seinfeld actors to reunite.
  
  (In the old days, this would have inspired a Top 5, but turns out ESPN.com did the best Seinfeld sports moments almost five years ago.

Before Brett Hull goofed, there was another GM with a tie to Belleville

Michael Farber's Sports Illustrated suplex of Sean Avery is being passed around today. One couldn't help but notice the burn on a certain GM-for-life of the Kingston Frontenacs, who traded for the young Avery once upon a time.

"Owen Sound G.M. Ray McKelvie recalls, " 'A lot of people had already gotten the idea that he wasn't a team player. It was hard to make a deal that made sense for us, until one night in Kingston he had three (goals) and three (assists). A couple of days later (Kingston G.M. Larry Mavety) and I had a deal. Sean could get people riled up, but he was an excellent player." (emphasis mine.)

One of Mavety's trademarks is trading for players based on what they have done vs. the Frontenacs. It is not far off from, "Hey, he scored two goals against us that one time, let's get him." They can't argue with the results -- namely, the fact the team has won less than 40% of its games since Mavety and owner Doug Springer's unholy alliance began a decade ago.

It has even made it as far, however indirectly, as the bible of sports journalism. Seriously, read that Farber piece, it's a beauty.

Meantime, there might be a happy ending for a player whom Mavety did poorly by, former Frontenacs first-rounder Luke Pither. He has been traded to the Belleville Bulls.

(Update: In his first game for Belleville, Pither, the former Frontenacs first-rounder, had five points vs. Oshawa. Meantime, Anthony Peters, who didn't win a game in Kingston this season, ended up getting a shutout out for Saginaw, with fan favourite Kyle Bochek scoring a goal. In the words of Dr. Christopher Turk, "Welcome!")

Related:
The Trouble With Sean Avery (Michael Farber, Sports Illustrated; via Torontosportsmedia's Weblog)

Stars protect world's children from menace Avery

You know what I love about this column by Kelly Hrudey? Its balance and mature tone. After all, it's not often that sports fans are granted the opportunity to read prose as eloquent as what Hrudey provides here

(Sean Avery) is a master manipulator of people and his “act” is just so transparent.
“Please forgive me, oh woe is me. Oh, boo hoo, I asked for forgiveness, I tried to apologize to everyone.”

Now, that's ritin'.

*cough*

So, yeah. Dallas cut ties with Avery today. They are going to eat his salary, electing not to seek a legal action to null the contract (likely because they would have their ass handed to them by any second year law student if they tried).

They say they will try and move him after he completes a program that is widely being described as anger management. What anger management has to do with someone acting like a frat boy is unclear, but that's what's going down.

But, Dallas isn't out to get Avery

This was not a witch hunt. We understand Sean had problems, people are human, we don't want to ruin Sean or his career

That would be Brett Hull speaking, a man that may have gotten himself in trouble a few times in his career for things he said. No, it's no witch hunt. It's far less rational than that.

I beat this to death last week, but it should be repeated. Sean Avery saying "sloppy seconds" = stupid and really crass. He's probably a bit of an ass. I'm not sure I'd want to have a beer with him. But, it was far less problematic than much of the violent behaviour that happens pretty much every week in the NHL. It certainly wasn't even close to being as bad as what Todd Bertuzzi did and the hockey world practically tripped over itself to forgive him (Steve Moore's the bad guy there, you know).

If the Dallas Stars want to screw themselves by eating a $15.5 million contract, that's their choice. It's a staggeringly bad choice, but it's theirs to make. If the NHL blacklists Avery -- if it truly colludes to ensure that he never plays again -- it will deserve whatever legal action that results.

Related: With his trademark understated, sharp logic Mirtle shows us why it isn't Avery's fault the Stars suck.

Fronts: Stewart headed to NHL (and about that Avery guy?)

A nice note for any Kingston Frontenacs fans, who could surely use one: Chris Stewart has been called up to the NHL by the Colorado Avalanche and will make his NHL debut tonight vs. the Dallas Stars.

(Any other former Frontenacs forwards going to playing in that Colorado-Dallas game? Oh right. Six games for Sean Avery -- two for insulting women, two for planning his stunt and two for his choice in fashion eyewear.)

Two seasons ago, there was much hullabuloo about the Frontenacs having six NHL draft choices in their lineup. Stewart, who was a first-round choice and the Fronts' captain back when they would actually have one player wear it on a permanent basis, is the first of that group to make the NHL. Stewart -- it was for the best there was never any movement started to call him Chris Crumple, although that is what the big man occasionally did to opponents, he crumpled them -- has been playing in the AHL with Lake Erie.

The other NHL prospects from that Fronts teams have had mixed results after escaping from Kingston Penitentiary moving on from the Springer Frontenacs. Bobby Bolt is in the ECHL. Bobby Hughes' career has been stalled by injuries. Cory Emmerton, who was the best of the lot, is in his first full AHL season with the Grand Rapids Griffins, meaning he's blocked by a ridiculously deep Detroit Red Wings roster.

Bobby Nyholm's hockeyDB page doesn't even list stats for this season. Defenceman Ben Shutron is playing an overage season with the Kitchener Rangers, where he's the captain, but as a one-time fourth-round choice in the NHL, you would expect him to be playing pro. Matt Auffrey, who was picked up at the trade deadline that season, was playing for the Augusta Lynx ECHL team when it folded this week.

In other words, they are all in about the same place as Wes O'Neill -- Stewart's teammate in Lake Erie for a few games this fall -- who refused to report to Kingston when he was drafted No. 2 overall by them in 2002. As Save Our Kingston Frontenacs noted this week, starting with O'Neill in 2002 through Josh Brittain, five straight Kingston first-round picks have finished their junior career somewhere other than with the Fronts.

Could we call it the Curse of the St. Lawrence, in homage to the river and the GM-for-life who should have been sent up it many moons ago?

Point being, Chris Stewart is going to The Show, yay!

Meantime, the Frontenacs play Peterborough tonight, 7:30 at the Kingston Memorial Centre, without three of the forwards who have scored 39 of their (paltry) season total of 78 goals. May they win, and win big.

The super-awesome Mister DB at Fronts Talk put together a tribute to the newest ex-Frontenacs, Brittain and Peter Stevens. Check out the expression on the linesman's face at about the 3:50 mark -- Pete Stevens is such a great young man, that even game officials were happy for him when he sniped a goal. And the Frontenacs traded him!



(Plans are to see the Frontenacs this weekend in Ottawa, but unfortunately, work commitments prevent going tonight when they play the Barrie Colts with Brittain and Stevens in the lineup ... which will mean going Sunday when they play the ... Kingston Frontenacs? Yeesh.)

Now for the 90-degree turn

Everyone is Averyed out, and it is pretty sly to bury it in a post about a last-place major junior hockey team, but what the hell.

Sun Media's Steve Simmons had a pretty good take on why the NHL overreacted, pointing out the league is sensitive about hockey's reputation for being a bastion of white male privilege. That seems to be the elephant in the room in Jason Whitlock's FOXSports.com column, although it's worth a read. As an American who didn't grow up with hockey on an almost chromosonal level, Whitlock says he "just can't fathom the Sean Avery controversy," although one could say that hockey people feel like the sport's culture of exceptionalism -- expressed in all the rhetoric that hockey players are unlike other pro athletes -- is threatened by this dunderhead.

"My real problem is with my peers in the media. I think we're too quick to go for the death penalty when it comes to verbal screw-ups. We can never see the gray areas and just want hard and fast rules.

"Avery might be just as dumb as Rocker, but Avery is not John Rocker ... yet. Avery isn't even Fuzzy Zoeller, who mean-spiritedly tried to diminish Tiger Woods' first Masters title with a fried-chicken joke.

"For now, Avery is a garden-variety simpleton."

Far be it to get on the high-horse after being guiltier than anyone than contributing to the echo chamber. It's crazy, though, that the country is splitting in half (62% majority, uh, OK), the economy's in the crapper, and Sean Avery commands so much attention. When Darryl Sutter , of whom it can be reasonably assumed has never sat in a journalism class, lectures the media on how to do their jobs and he's right, we'll, we're all going to hell.

(Terrorist fist jab to Kukla's Korner for the link.)

Related:
Avery is dumb, but Bettman overreacted (Jason Whitlock, FOX Sports)
Hockey's worst side (Steve Simmons, Sun Media, Dec. 4)
Media just as guilty as Avery, says Sutter; Reporters blamed for enabling Stars' pest (Scott Cruickshank, Calgary Herald, Dec. 4)

Snark break ...

As you were down at the free clinic, getting shots for Nerd Flu...

A strip club is opening in Seattle just 400 feet away from Safeco Field, the Mariners' stadium. The cab drivers in Seattle must be ticked -- now a trip to the rippers is walking distance for the ballplayers.

Former Nashville Predators owner Boots Del Biaggio, NHL commissioner Gary Bettman's buddy, was slapped with federal charges in the U.S. on the same day Sean Avery was on the carpet in New York City for "conduct detrimental to hockey." That's irony on a base level.

If Del Biaggio ends up in white-collar resort prison, please don't refer his spouse, Kristen, as "sloppy seconds." You wouldn't like Gary Bettman when he's angry!

(How about, as Kurtenblog noted, what about Avery being the front-page story on NHL.com, using a to drive traffic? Hypocritical, much?)

"Unlike before the internet when the only publication professional sports clubs controlled was the game program (unless they owned a newspaper writer or two), teams today have a powerful and wide-reaching outlet — their website — that they can dress up as an objective journalism operation, which can be subsequently employed to boost revenue.

"In a somewhat related story, it's interesting that despite the NHL deeming Sean Avery's infamous remarks on Tuesday in Calgary "detrimental to the league and the game of hockey," the league's website - which the NHL is relying on to create buckets of cash in the near future — seems to be taking full advantage of the publicity that the incident has created."

The San Francisco Giants gave Edgar Renteria a two-year contract for $18.5 million yesterday. They had to waive their age requirement for a starting middle infielder — Renteria only turned thirty-three last summer.

More great headlines that cannot be written: "Another J.P. to boo at Rogers Centre."

From Demetri Martin: "I think statues are wonderful. They show what great people would look like if pigeons shit all over them."

Former Saskatchewan Roughriders QB Steve Sarkisian might be the new coach of the Washington Huskies. Washington was 0-11 this season, so wouldn't a former Ottawa Rough Riders QB be better equipped to take over that team?

This has nothing to do with sports, but it might be the all-time greatest Kids In The Hall sketch:



This post is worth nothing, but this is worth noting:

• Former Dallas Cowboy quarterback Quincy Carter's new team is, wait for it, the Rio Grande Valley Dorados.
• Minor League Ball has a look at the Blue Jays farm system, good reading for everyone who thinks J.P. Ricciardi should just be out signing some free agents, any free agents.
• Kurtenblog has a how-to for the Teddy Bear Toss event that many junior hockey teams hold. Alas, the Ottawa 67's already had theirs, while Kingston Frontenacs fans should be throwing lumps of coal.
  
  This actually happened ... a group of us, which included a couple people who had never been to a hockey game, had Halifax Mooseheads tickets. We showed up about five minutes into the first period, not knowing the Teddy Bear Toss was on, and entered the concourse at the Metro Centre right at the moment the Mooseheads scored. As the teddy bears rained down, we had to assure one person that this was not a regular thing.
• This one's for faithful commenter, OttawaFan: An update on what CFL legend Hal Patterson, now 77,as been up to lately.

Kill the pig! Bash his head!!

All Sean Avery! All the time!!
Below the jump. Updated constantly.

See if you see anything missing from the Dallas Stars roster.

Edit: As I type we are about 30 minutes away from the start of Sean Avery's meeting with Gary Bettman in New York. It's likely an hour or so from when the suspension will be announced.

I've heard some experts predict that he will get as much as 15 games, which would make it one of the all-time longest suspensions.

With that in mind, it's useful to look at the history of how the NHL has handled racial slurs (the closest parallel to what Avery did. Today's progressive feminism is a new thing for the league, I guess) . Bnet has a nice little summery here.

Three games has been the max. And, that was with Chris Simon, a man that was about as popular as Avery. Speaking of Simon, I'm still looking for a history of how the NHL has handled incidents of of racism towards natives. I suspect I'll be looking for a while.

Edit 2: No word yet as of 12:20 p.m. EST. About 10 minutes ago Hockey Central at Noon's Daren Millard had these two gems back to back.

First: "I hope they give him 15 games," said with disgust dripping off the tongue.
Then: "(paraphrasing) The only thing I've heard is maybe they should have let him play against Calgary so that justice could have been served on the ice," said with barely hidden regret.

So, let's review. Using the term "sloppy seconds" is grounds for the 12th longest suspension in NHL history, yet openly wishing that the Flames had the chance to beat the snot out of him — something that would, it always needs to be said, land you in jail if it happened on the street, is perfectly reasonable. It's puckhead thinking at its most embarrassing, illogical best.

Sloppy seconds is more stupid than it is truly offensive (although there is an element of flippancy to the term that is offensive. It's saying that women have no worth other than as conquests for men. She's nothing but someone I once had sex with...). A suspension in line with what others have received for similar things (see above) is likely in order. Some sensitivity training? Why not. But, 15 games? It simply isn't justifiable. Not with the NHL's past history it isn't.

Edit 3: (Puck Daddy has a very comprehensive post.)

Edit 4: So, it's 5:11 p.m. EST and I've yet to see a NHL press release show up in my inbox with the title "League suspends Dallas Star..." So, it might be tomorrow before we get a ruling on this. Late tomorrow, as one can expect with any touchy press release.

Of course that means we have to listen to the puritans in the working puckhead media for another day. So, what a delay accomplishes God only knows.

The other possibility here is that the league's lawyers are working overtime to find a way to justify a lengthy suspension. 'Cause, as stated, it isn't really justifiable and Avery doesn't strike me as a good soldier that will lie down and take it if Bettman and co go all medieval.

Edit 5: Did everyone see that the Ottawa Sun's Bruce Garrioch wrote that it is, "Time to ban Sean Avery from the NHL for life ...

"Make an example of this guy. Ban him for life. Classless. Conduct detrimental to the game is about the least of the worries. Enough of Avery already. Bad actor. Bad act. Time for him to go. For good."

Edit 6: God love Colby Cosh:

A surprising number of sportswriters have had no problem with the league’s instant invention of a retroactive campus-style speech code to deal with Avery’s outburst. Perhaps it’s because their own freedom of speech is hostage to abusive NHL front offices; your average hockey writer bites his tongue so much that the damn thing drops right off about a week into his career. The rest of us, however, have no trouble understanding what is wrong with a business that is not in the opinion trade monitoring an employee’s off-duty speech and punishing him for it

How refreshing to see a MSM article -- albeit from a guy that only writes about hockey peripherally -- that actually tries to defend Avery a bit. Yes, he's an tool at times, but my God...by the reaction you would have thought he had hunted down an opposing player in a premeditated fashion, jumped him from behind and slammed his head into the ice so hard it broke his neck. It's a good thing you never see that type of behaviour in hockey and the worse thing Gary Bettman has to deal with is Avery's (who has never been suspended before, by the way) potty mouth.

Edit 6.5: Glove tap to Mr. Cosh himself who sent me this link in an e-mail exchange. Some are starting to break through the Group Think.

Edit 7: It's six games. By three games, it's the longest NHL suspension for non-violent behaviour in history. It likely won't satisfy the majority of bloodthirsty puckheads in the media and in society.

It goes without saying that if the league treated actual violent behaviour this seriously there would be a lot less players with eight-month long headaches.

More reaction to come, I'm sure...

Edit 8: Here is the NHL press release:

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE / DECEMBER 5, 2008


STARS’ AVERY TO SEEK PROFESSIONAL ANGER MANAGEMENT EVALUATION SUSPENDED FOR
SIX GAMES

NEW YORK (December 5, 2008) -- Dallas Stars forward Sean Avery
has been suspended for six games, without pay, as a result of inappropriate
public comments that he made Tuesday in Calgary. Avery has agreed to seek a
professional anger management evaluation and, if necessary, structured
counseling in response to a pattern of unacceptable and antisocial
behavior.
Avery met with Commissioner Bettman at a hearing in New York
yesterday. Also in attendance were NHL Deputy Commissioner Bill Daly, NHL
Senior Executive Vice President and Director of Hockey Operations Colin
Campbell, NHL Associate Counsel Jessica Berman, Dallas Stars co-General
Manager Brett Hull, NHLPA General Counsel Ian Penny, NHLPA Director of
Player Affairs Glenn Healy and Avery’s agent, Pat Morris.
“Mr. Avery has expressed remorse for his recent comments and has
sought a professional anger management evaluation,” Commissioner Bettman
said. “I will require that he follow through with that process as a
condition of his returning to the ice and that he complies with any and all
recommendations.
“Mr. Avery has been warned repeatedly about his conduct and comments,
which have too often been at odds with the manner in which his more than
700 fellow players conduct themselves.
“Playing in the National Hockey League is a privilege, requiring a
high standard of personal behavior. Mr. Avery forfeits that privilege for
six games.”
Avery was suspended in accordance with the provisions of NHL By-Law
17 and Article 6 of the NHL Constitution for conduct "detrimental to the
League or game of hockey.”
In addition to the two games already served, Avery will miss
games Dec. 5 vs. Colorado, Dec. 10 vs. Phoenix, Dec. 12 vs. Detroit and
Dec. 13 at Nashville.

Edit 9: People close to the game, of course, have always held deeply progressive feelings about the place of women in and around it:


So, the league's reaction to Avery is just really keeping in that tradition.

Snark break...

One thing you as a Canadian do not mind voting for so often ... the Canadian Blog Awards, best sports blog category, Round 2.

Gary Bettman suspending Sean Avery for "conduct detrimental to hockey" is like Nero fining someone for playing the fiddle for too long. Like Puck Daddy says,

"Seriously, if the NHL were half as vigilant on hits to the head as they are for Sean Avery's nonsense, Simon Gagne might not hear church bells every time he closes his eyes."

At the same time, the WAGs are not fair game for trash-talk. It did rate a mention from TMZ: "Hockey Fun Fact: You can punch the hell out of an opposing player on the ice, but when you refer to his girlfriend as your 'sloppy seconds' — that's where the NHL draws the line." (Fist jab to Taking Note, and to play off Duane's post from last night, Sean Avery, Sean Avery, Sean Avery ... Sean Avery, Sean Avery, Sean Avery.)

It's like she has a reverse Midas touch or something. The world's most famous hockey mom, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, spoke in Augusta, Georgia on Monday, and the city's ECHL team folded on Tuesday.

An ECHL team folding is like a canary in a mine shaft in The Wonderful World of Gary Bettman. The Augusta Lynx were affiliated with the NHL's Tampa Bay Lightning, so really, the Lightning could just play out their remaining schedule. They're pretty much an ECHL team beyond Vinny Lecavalier, Martin St. Louis and the gentleman goalie from Verona, Mike Smith.

Future Hall of Famer Ken Griffey Jr. broke into the majors in 1989, the year the first President Bush took office. Nineteen years later, he's having trouble getting a contract, largely because of what happened while the second President Bush was in office. Maybe Griffey should have run for President.



Please read the Daily Norseman's take on Pat and Kevin Williams' suspensions -- it's about due process, not who took what: "The NFL completely and totally mishandled this case in so many ways that it's damn near comical."

From the department of Took Them Long Enough, the entire World Junior Hockey Championship will be broadcast in the U.S.

This post was worth nothing, but this is worth noting:

• Dave Van Horne broadcast baseball in Canada for how many years (quite a few, Neate) and the Vancouver-centric media doesn't know there's an E in his last name. Way to spoil a nice article about Larry Walker!
• Columbus Blue Jackets prospect Stefan Legein is ready to rejoin the AHL NHL team (TSN.ca; via Loose Pucks).
• Matt Auffrey, who was a pretty decent forward for the Kingston Frontenacs in '06-07, was on that Augusta ECHL team which folded.
• Fronts fans who long for better times (now why would they do that) should take note that former captain Cory Emmerton is on a bit of a roll with Grand Rapids of the AHL. Let's all start praying for an injury bug to hit the Detroit Red Wings, so he can wear the winged wheel. He earned the right to sport an iconic crest after those years wearing a Count Frontenac sweater.

(Sorry, no photo of Elisha Cuthbert to dress up this post. Find one your damn self.)

Give a second to think of a sloppy statement

Sean Avery. There, the unique visits just shot up 125 per cent. It’s a sloppy way to get the hits up, but when you’re second like us you have to try harder. We were going to fill this spot up with another indignant response to Avery’s sloppy attempt at smack talk today. He’s always played second fiddle to the league’s better players in that department.

However, on second thought we decided that we just couldn’t bring ourselves to print what he said. It would be sloppy journalism. And since we aren’t going to do that we had best not comment. After all, without the benefit of providing the full statement to provide full context people’s might start to base their opinion on Avery on assumptions of what he said, rather than what was actually said. But, we would never be so sloppy as to print the words that came out of his mouth. As reporters, we are beyond talking in such a way and the purity of our industry would suffer. Of that, there can be no second guesses.

So, you’ll have to go elsewhere to learn what he said. Maybe one of those sloppy blogs that are always second best.

* OK, so he’s a sophomoric and possibly misogynistic twit. We get that. It’s unfair that he makes millions of dollars to play hockey and gets to date women that could appear on the cover of Maxim. Life is unjust that way. But, for the NHL, a league that justifies Todd Bertuzzi’s mugging of Steve Moore, suspending Sean Avery indefinitely for saying “I am really happy to be back in Calgary, I love Canada. I just want to comment on how it's become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don't know what that's about. Enjoy the game tonight..." Give me a break. Have you been in a hockey dressing room? Avery is being suspended because he doesn’t play by the rules of some screwed-up code. If, say, Brenden Morrow, that good Saskatchewan boy, had said it you can bet that every “insider” this side of Red Deer would be lining up to say “Yes, he shouldn’t have said it. But, boys will be boys. Weren’t you young once.”

Related:
Where are the NHL’s priorities? (Kukla's Korner)

Sean Avery, becoming a personal hero

Sean Avery slagging Don Cherry on The Hour is a headline-grabber, no doubt. Please don't ignore that he actually stuck some pins in another Canadian sacred cow — major junior hockey.

"Avery, who is from Pickering, Ont., and played in the Ontario Hockey League, said a junior hockey player's focus on the game to the exclusion of everything else is 'terrible.'

“ 'I didn't go to school,' he said. 'I dropped out at Grade 9. I didn't learn to play the piano. I didn't read Moby Dick. I didn't read anything.' ”

It is welcome to hear someone who is an active player actually articulate the reality of hockey's economic system (loose definition). It has made the players richer, but haven't necessary enriched them.

Good on Avery for saying something interesting. And, yes, he dissed Don Cherry.

"Avery said he used to defend Cherry to European teammates.

“ 'The European guys hated him, but I always stuck up for him,' he said. 'I said, ‘it's Grapes'. You've got to love him. But he would bash the European guys.

"And there are a lot of great European players. They may not be the toughest guys in the world, but they still bring an exciting part to the game.

“ 'I'm just over with him.' ”

(Link via James Mirtle.)



Related:
Avery sour on Grapes (William Houston, globesports.com)

Sean Avery's first-born will be named Nieman Marcus...

Commenting on the NHL free-agent frenzy is not really the raison d'être of this site (it's making snarky comments that trade heavily in effete egghead phraseology such as raison d'être).

However, it has to be pointed out that the Dallas Stars' big free-agent signing means that Sean Avery, Terrell Owens, Mark Cuban and Milton Bradley are all situated in the same city. 

Jessica Simpson spends a lot of time in Dallas, too. Two words — reality show.

Sadly, that's about the only reaction on this end to the NHL's great shuffle, short of thinking of punny headlines that would make Ron MacLean blush, including one about the Leafs signing Jeff Finger that is just way too obvious to anyone over the age of 11.

As for Avery telling some "fashion writer" that joked to him, "Sure you're not gay?" that she would be good masturbatory timbre for him, it's either (a) great for him inferring that no one should give a damn either way or (b) sad to see someone else following in the Joe Francis school of seduction. Boo.

SEAN AVERY IN HOSPITAL... (UPDATED)

Here's the how N.Y. Daily News story on Sean Avery began:

"Rangers bad boy Sean Avery, unconscious and not breathing, was rushed to a Manhattanhospital Wednesday in cardiac arrest just hours after his team's playoff loss, sources said.

"Avery, 28, arrived at St. Vincent's Medical Center about 3
a.m., a hospital source said. Five hours earlier, the Rangers lost to the
Pittsburgh Penguins in a Stanley Cup playoff game at Madison Square Garden."
-- Sources: Rangers star Sean Avery hospitalized

And later on today:

"Rangers bad boy Sean Avery was rushed to a Manhattan hospital with a lacerated spleen apparently suffered in a collision in last night's playoff loss to Pittsburgh, the team said Wednesday.

"Avery, 28, was admitted to St. Vincent's Medical Center early this morning after a CT scan identified the season-ending injury, Rangers General Manager Glen Sather said.

" 'He is expected to make a full recovery during the off-season,' Sather said." -- later in the day

Ronnie Lott should have backpedalled so smoothly. Buchholz (in true Prime Time Sports fashion, it's last names only today) has more over at Sporting Madness.

Speaking as someone who digs Avery's act, here's hoping it's just a minor health scare.

UP AT 6: LEAFS FANS, NOT HAPPY

As you were trying to reunite all the members of the Northern Pikes ...

• The New Yorker profiled Sean Avery; if that isn't a sign that the war's over -- low culture won.
  
  Those erudite, always-last-picked liberals actually seem to get Avery pretty well. He is one Advanced A-Hole and if you don't find something appealing in his act, you're probably legally dead. (The noisy gongs and clattering cymbals on the cable sports networks can never acknowledge this, of course, since they need to make Sean Avery into a cartoon, fodder for their shrill little contrived so-called debates.)
  
  There's a telling quote from the retired ref, Mick McGeough, that basically supports the theory that Avery, on some level, is actually brilliant.
  
  

  "Is he an idiot? I don't think so. He's smart. He's doing his job. And he's tough. He gives no quarter. I've seen him in a T-shirt. He's big."

  Avery also wants to intern at Vogue now.
• It takes some doing to finish behind a team that's being relocated against the will of the people in ESPN The Magazine's Fan Satisfaction Survey, but the Leafs did it. Th hockey division of the Ontario Teachers' Pension Plan finished 121st of 122nd teams. Yep, behind the Seattle-cum-Oklahoma City Sonics.
  
  The Senators were the highest of any Canadian team, at 29th, which just goes to show Ottawa fans are happiest when they're whining about something. (Link via Mirtle.)
• It's the 20th anniversary of both Bull Durham and Eight Men Out, two remarkably prescient baseball movies.
• Kissing Suzy Kolber has a bead on the Detroit Lions' draft broad -- all wide receivers, again?
• Major congrats to the Belleville Bulls -- off to the OHL final after thumping Oshawa 11-0 in the series clincher last night. Not too bad for their Eastern Ontario guys, goalie Mike Murphy and d-man Shawn Lalonde.
• Just doing some Tricolour rock 'n' roll duty -- the Queen's Golden Gaels are taking part in fundraiser called Golf 4 ALS. The Queen's coaches and players will be selling RCGA Golf Cards with a portion of the proceeds benefiting the ALS Society of Ontario. It sounds like a pretty good deal for golfers; fire off an e-mail if you want more info.

That's all for now. I'll be travelling today on business, so posting will be light until late tonight, and even then it's dodgy. Send your thoughts to neatesager@yahoo.ca.

SEAN AVERY'S LATEST SHENANIGANS

Sean Avery, once again, is either the most creative performance artist of our time or he's just a big cheater.



It makes a travesty of the game when a player screening the goalie on the power play isn't even making a perfunctory effort to follow where the puck is in the zone. The NHL probably can't make a rule against this right away, but some would say that there's no justice like NHL mob justice.

There's also no justice like the Devils ultimately winning the game in overtime to get back into the series.

Again, Epic Carnival is still the place for irreverent playoff updates.

(Clip via James Mirtle. UPDATE: Eric Duhatschek reports the NHL has players on notice that no one better try this again, even though Avery's actions had "ingenuity and creativity." When did Gary Bettman learn to be so magnaminous?)

A GIANT TASK

OK, so the baseball previews are all done, with just seven hours to spare until the real Opening Day (American League games in the Western Hemisphere, the rockingest hemisphere of them all). Enjoy. You'll have to scroll down to see the final ones, after the Favre-carving, Ottawa-lampooning and Sean Avery-defending which needed to be shared with the rest of the class.

Remember, someone strip-mined the combined 1,287 pages of the Baseball Prospectus, The Bill James Gold Mine and The Hardball Times Baseball Annual in order to provide a very superficial survey of all 29 major-league teams and the San Francisco Giants.

TWO MINUTES FOR BEING JAGOVS

It takes being a little bit judgmental and holier-than-thou to take great delight in that randy right winger, Sean Avery, being outed as a john in the pristine pages of the New York Daily News. Fortunately, that's most of us.

Honestly, though, it cannot stand that the Daily News has a madam's black book and the only client whose name gets in the story is the Canadian hockey player, not all these "wealthy, successful professionals" who are probably part of financial wheeling-dealings every week where enough money changes hands to buy guys such as Sean Avery and Neate Sager several times over. That's garbage. The again, it's the New York Daily News, whose masthead might as well read "Warning: May contain journalism-like substance."

(There's no sense it getting into whether prostitution should be legalized. That's a non-starter. The only way there would ever be political will to do it is if a couple of the more clean-cut, white-hat hockey players -- if there's a god, Mike Fisher of the Senators is next -- got pinched. Of course, if prostitution was legalized, then Maxim magazine goes out of business within three months. Without Maxim, Sean Avery wouldn't have any idea about what to look for in a girl. There's the invisible hand of Adam Smith right there.)

The only story here is that a hockey player likes sex. Some scoop. Respectable hockey blogs won't even touch it with a 10-foot composite stick.

Poor Avery has just enough of that sheltered small-town jock naivety in him that he actually talked to those trolls, instead of turning off his cellphone. The fact he did only proves that if you don't like Sean Avery, you're legally dead.

It's either that or this conforms an earlier theory that Avery's whole shtick, whether or not he is even conscious of it, is intended to push people's thresholds the grand comic tradition of Andy Kaufman or Lenny Bruce. If that's the case, then Avery burned himself in order to pull off an even bigger burn on those tabloid twerps and all their enablers in the legitimate media who follow up on this claptrap.

Attaboy, Avery.

Related:
Sean Avery in hooker's little black block (N.Y. Daily News)
Client Number 16: Avery and Spitzer Connected By More Than New York (Deadspin)

UP AT 6: BLOND AMBITION LEAVES AVERY SQUEEZING HIS STICK

Now that it's OK to admit you can't find the Iraq on a map...

• If a picture is worth a thousand words, the one of Mattias Ohlund at the Vancouver Canucks jersey unveiling is saying, "I'm so sorry," 333 times in succession.
  
  The feedback at the local Times-Colonist suggested the Canucks could have picked any one of the fake jersey prototypes (like the one on the right) that were floating around the web last winter and received a better reaction.
  
  -- "I felt embarrassed for (Markus) Naslund, (Trevor) Linden, etc. No way you could be excited to play in that jersey.."
  -- "That is the ugliest combination of the two ugliest uniforms they have ever had."
  -- "It's obvious that they DON'T listen to the fans at all! We all wanted them to just go with the Stick & Rink Retro jersey as they full time uniform, but they couldn't do it."
  
  Remember back in the early '90s when the NFL's San Francisco 49ers proposed a new helmet design that was so poorly received they scrapped it? Maybe NHL teams could have that ear to the ground like that -- never mind!


• Good on Perdita Felicien for her medal in 100 hurdles at the track and field worlds. Like any true Canadian, she took a victory lap after winning the silver medal.
• Apparently Ms. Famous For Being Famous is little more discriminating than the puckbunnies Sean Avery would have encountered when he was playing junior for the Kingston Frontenacs:
  
  "Sean Avery has just split from his fiancée, 24 star Elisha Cuthbert, a close friend of Paris', and was keen to try his luck with the hotel heiress at Amy Sacco's LG House party in Malibu.

  
  "A source told the New York Daily News newspaper: 'He hit on her three times, but every time, Paris would give him disgusted looks and move away from his creepy shoulder-brushing and close-talking ways.
  
  "Then he tried hitting on other blondes. You could tell he just wanted to hook up." -- LondonNet
  
  Creepy shoulder-brushing and close-talking? Sean Avery is a regular Casanova compared to some jocks.
  
  A hockey player who's open to dating any kind of woman, as long as she's blond, who knew? The normal impulse is not to touch this with a composite stick, but protocol is waived when it's Sean Avery. (As for the pic: We like Elisha a lot more than P.H.)
• Count Dave Feschuk of the Toronto Star as another advocate for a shorter hockey season.
• CFL: The Eskimos' A.J. Gass gets his suspension lifted in time for the Labour Day game vs. Calgary, just in case anyone forgot that Edmonton runs the league.

That's all for now. Send your thoughts to neatesager@yahoo.ca.

PLAYOFFS? PLAYOFFS?! SHAME ON VERSUS, NHL FOR NEW TWIST ON COLOUR COMMENTARY

Versus has ex-goalie John Vanbiesbrouck working as the analyst on the Dallas Stars-Vancouver Canucks playoffs series. Anyone see a problem with this?

Four years ago, Vanbiesbrouck, coaching the junior Soo Greyhounds, repeatedly used a racial slur — the racial slur — in the presence of two players to describe then-Greyhounds captain and current Dallas defenceman Trevor Daley, who is African-Canadian. Daley told a reporter before the start of this season that he and Vanbiesbrouck haven't spoken since.

What's next? Don Imus as a between-periods studio analyst? After all, he is available.

At best, Vanbiesbrouck has a conflict of interest that should preclude him from calling games Daley plays in, especially if the matter is still unresolved in Daley's mind. At worst, though, the NHL is guilty of the worst kind of corporate hypocrisy.

Remember, last year, Rogers Sportsnet in Canada, for god knows whatever reason, wanted to use Sean Avery as an analyst during the playoffs. The P.R.-paranoid NHL nixed it, worried about the reputation Avery had gained after a couple incidents involving remarks he's made toward French-Canadian players.

So why is one kind of bigotry condemned and while another is pretended away? Once again, the NHL is its own worst enemy. The league has made an effort to introduce the game to people who grew up like Daley, who grew up in public housing in Toronto, but it's funny how they can kind of get it on a corporate level, but not get it on a personal level.

How can Versus and their partners at the NHL justify this? Don't stand there and say it doesn't matter, since it's Versus — the league has an obligation to be consistent in its dealings with its broadcast partners, and to protect minority players from racial abuse in a sport that's 98-99% white. If someone didn't make the connection between Vanbiesbrouck and Daley's shared past, shame on them for not realizing it.

Vanbiesbrouck was publicly shamed over his racial gaffe. He quit coaching in the Soo and sold his ownership stake in the team. He deserves a second chance, but last anyone checked, there were several other playoff series Versus could assign him to cover.

Thanks to the Canadian expat living in the States who sent this along.

Related:
Stars-Canucks Game 1 highlights (Versus.com)
Stars' Daley keeps his balance (Mike Heika, Dallas Morning News, Aug. 30, 2006)