Well-played, sirs...

"Ultimate fighting vs. blogging. Two things where you have to use your hands, but not your brains." -- Lewis Black

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Local Idiot To Post Comment on Internet (The Onion)

Snark break...

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats ... hey, that was way too clever ... you're one of them!

More great headlines that can never be written: The story about the Cleveland Browns' Joshua Cribbs wanting to renegotiate his contract begged for the header, "Cribbs sheet outta luck."

It's no surprise the UFC wants to stage another fight card in Montréal. They must have been scouting for new talent after Game 7 of the Habs-Bruins series.

No word of a lie: On FIBA's website for the Olympic men's basketball tournament, Raptors point guard José Calderón's current club is listed as "Toronto Raptors, NBA (USA)." Someone at FIBA didn't get the joke.

(Jorge Garbajosa's current club is also listed as the Raptors. One thing at a time...)

Last but not least, it's gonna be tough for the Seattle Mariners to replace José Vidro's production (.612 OPS before being DFA'd yesterday). Should they try letting the starting pitcher bat?

You'd have to be a real bastard of an Ottawa-based sports lover to want to place a curse on the nuptials of the couple who's getting married on the field before a Lehigh Valley IronPigs game ... uh, let's just stop right there.

Snark break ...

You have to be cruel to be kind, in the right measure ...

Ah, baseball, hot dogs, apple pie and violence ... Blame this minor-league baseball brawl on the WNBA. Those women basketballers brawled the other night, and the Peoria Chiefs and Dayton Dragons clearly felt their manhood was threatened and they had to prove it in the best way, by getting involved in a rumble. That's got to be it, right?



The first inning took two hours to complete -- which has to be a record for any game that didn't involve Steve Trachsel.

Ignoring the Brett Favre story won't make it go away. The latest is that the Green Bay Packers didn't even pay for his cell phone and shouldn't have had any access to his phone records. Is the NFL or The Hills? (Oh, don't act like you don't have it PVR'd.)

It's too glib to blame Iraq being banned from the Beijing Olympics on the Bush White House. Four years after the feel-good stories from Athens, it's still a wicked what-goes-around-comes-around, though.

Roy Halladay is now 18-4 with a 2.70 ERA against the Orioles after yesterday's Jays win. If he eventually makes the Hall of Fame, he'll be introduced by Orioles owner Peter Angelos.

One hopes Team 1200 host Glenn Kulka doesn't take a nasty rap on the head during his MMA debut tomorrow in Gatineau. He might completely forget what he said about steroids three years ago. Go get 'em, Kulkster.

Oh, and the Peoria-Dayton brawl, one last time:

PHILADELPHIA SCHMALTZ, MINNESOTA NICE

The sensitive, progressive sports fan does acknowledges that cheerleading is a sport. Younger females do seem to take to it as an athletic activity, which considering all the issues with inactive kids, should be viewed as somewhat of a positive. So how do you reconcile all that with not being a snivelling, sexist, bitter bastard after seeing this gem put together by the cheerleaders for Arena Football League's Philadelphia Soul?

Meantime, cheers to the Vikings -- all-everything defensive end Jared Allen will be wearing the sacred purple in exchange for a first-rounder and two thirds going to the Kansas City Chiefs.

(The only downside is you can't wear a No. 69 jersey out in public, unless you have really good self-esteem.)

Allen is guaranteed just slightly more money than the Miami Dolphins have committed to pay a left tackle straight out of college, Jake Long, so yes, this is exciting.

Quoth the Daily Norseman, "Well, we're living here in Allen-Town / And we're shutting all the offenses down."