Monday, September 08, 2008

Snark break ... once smitten, twice shy

First things first: R.I.P., Don Haskins ... is it OK to say it? -- most important college basketball coach ever.

  • Go to the washroom, splash some cold water on your face and give yourself a blast if you feel the least bit empty over Tom Brady likely being out for the season.

    (Update, Sept. 9: Kissing Suzy Kolber has a typically outstanding parody.)

    But, your argument goes, even though I'm not a fan of the Patriots, I just love to watch them because of the way they taken offensive football to such a high level.

    Sure you do. That's about as likely as the possibility Gisele Bundchen was first smitten by the cool way Brady delivers a checkdown pass to Kevin Faulk when all of his wide receivers are covered, not his good looks, fame and money.

    Did the Brett Favre drama teach you nothing? The NFL is a full-contact soap opera, an industry built on personality, where everyone can have an opinion without having to know the intimate details or the background. It's like the original Facebook.

    Brady being out is bad for the Patriots, most likely bad for Randy Moss' stats and bad for the NFL's bottom line. It should not affect your overall football-watching experience and if it does, then you Stockholm Syndromed yourself, big-time. Shame on you.

    Point being, you shouldn't get hung up on personalities. Personality is what gets Gisele, while the stylists often end up sleeping alone.

    (The Patriots were past due on the karma account. It's as if they tempted fate by habitually listing Brady on the injury report when he wasn't hurt and by not having a credible backup -- not to mention the cheating and the beating Brady took toward the end of last season.

    That being said, anyone who cheered the sight of his injury should get a swift kick. Incidentally, you can count on Patriots fans playing the underdog card sooner rather than the later.)
  • Is it worth pointing out that any number of contending MLB teams who reeling of late might might avoided that with Barry Bonds in the middle of their batting order? Looking at you, Tampa Bay Rays.
  • Michael Cera is a funny kid.
  • Emmitt Smith of Dancing With The Stars Dallas Cowboys fame can really be a putz sometimes.
(Jeff Pearlman's Boys Will Be Boys comes out in eight days.)

1 comment:

Jordie Dwyer said...

Smith has taken one too many shots to the melon...and that wasn't from playing with the Cowboys.