BATTER UP: ATLANTA BRAVES

Counting down the seconds till Opening Day when life begins anew involves providing a "starting nine" for all 29 major-league teams, and if there's time, the Tampa Bay Devil Rays too! Presenting: The Atlanta Braves.

1. The Braves haven't gone away: Atlanta actually outscored the opposition last season. The Braves played .561 ball when you subtract the month of June, when they went 6-26 after the bullpen fell apart like many of Alberto Gonzales' accounts of past events.
2. Why'll they'll contend again (at least until Labour Day): Pitching, pitching, pitching, Andruw Jones being in his walk year and last but not least, Brian McCann. The latter's first full season -- .333/.388/.572 -- was off the hook for a 22-year-old catcher.
   
   The Brave starting pitching is still decent and the bullpen has been upgraded. Newcomers Mike Gonzalez, a lefty, and righty Rafael Soriano each average more than a strikeout per inning and should be a good seventh/eighth inning tandem.
3. For such a conservative organization, they don't frown on trying new positions: The right side of Atlanta's infield, second baseman Kelly Johnson and Cambridge, Ont.'s own Scott Thorman at first, have never been part of the right side of any professional infield. Thorman will let his bat do the talking, while the local press seems really willing to paint a portrait of Johnson as a regular Frank White. Be that as it may, Kelly Johnson at second base could be the biggest Southern-fried flop since The Dukes of Hazzard movie.
4. Ironically, their former owner was married to Jane Fonda: By June of last year, the Braves' reign was finished for all intents and purposes. The same was pretty much true of President George W. Bush. Does anyone, however, realize just how much the Southern ballclub's fortunes have aped the Republican far right's?
   
   Atlanta went worst-to-first in 1991, the year the first President Bush experienced his highest approval ratings. The next couple years saw setbacks -- Bush was ousted by Bill Clinton while the favoured Braves were upset in the 1992 World Series by a team from Canada and a bunch of scruffy guys from Philadelphia in the '93 playoffs. Atlanta did not win its first (and only) Series title until 1995, after Georgian Newt Gingrich became Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives.
   
   As was the case for Newt, though, world domination never arrived. In 1996, the Braves blew a 2-0 World Series lead against the Yankees. About two weeks later, Gingrich's boy Bob Dole got his ass handed to him by Clinton (with help from Ross Perot). That was the high-water mark for the Braves, but it did whatever it took to keep a grip on power for as long as it could. Sound familiar?
5. Nepotism, thy name is: Braves GM John Schuerholz might figure with that all he's done for Atlanta, no one should mind if he gives his son Jon a job in the Braves minor-league system. Coaching? Managing? No -- playing. Jon Schuerholz, an infielder, has been in the minors for five years, hitting .225/.314/.286 with a whopping total of seven home runs. In his college career at Auburn, he went yard twice in three seasons -- and remember, they use aluminum bats in U.S. college baseball.
   
   Last season, Lil' Jon hit, if that's the word, .184 at Triple-A Richmond. That must have been a great final six weeks, since he was at .152 when the baby Braves visited Ottawa in late July. Naturally, in the game I checked out -- 25-Cent Hot Dog Night -- he went 2-for-4.
6. Just how long has John Smoltz been a Brave? The pitcher the Braves traded to get Smoltz (pictured, top), Doyle Alexander, retired 18 years ago. Smoltz needs only seven wins to become the first pitcher to record 200 victories and 150 saves. (Dennis Eckersley had 197 wins.)
7. Retro Cool Brave: A very good book should be written about The Beeg Mon, Rico Carty (left field, 1963-70, '72), who's revered in the Dominican Republic much the same way the late Roberto Clemente is in Puerto Rico. All Carty needed was to be born 30 years later, in an age of small parks, advanced arthroscopic surgery and TV personalities who would chuckle about "Rico being Rico."
   
   Honky sportswriters often depicted Carty as the naive Latino ballplayer. He played with his wallet in his back pocket rather than use the clubhouse valuables box and often sported a massive key ring that would put a school custodian to shame. He also went through shoes and stylin' clothes like he was a Dominican version of Carrie Bradshaw.
   
   At his best, Rico could rake like nobody's business. He hit .366 in 1970, the highest average of any National Leaguer in between Stan Musial's .376 in 1947 and Tony Gwynn's .370 in '87. However, following that season, he wrecked his knee playing winter ball and missed the entire following season and that was just one of several ailments that hurt his career, including a bout with TB and a beatdown at the hands of some cracker cops.
8. Where have we seen this before? Atlanta Journal-Constitution sportswriter David O'Brien's contributions to BravesBlog are prone to rambling and sprinkling in Warren Zevon lyrics. Does this sound like any blog based out of Eastern Ontario, any blog you may be reading right now?
9. Need-to-know: The Braves' late-inning luck should even out, which should be a big part of an improvement to around 85-86 wins. The infield defence and Jeff Francoeur's undisciplined hitting are big, big Achilles heels.
   
   The post-season is probably out of the question unless the Mets and Phillies both fall apart, which better not happen. The cosmos doesn't owe the Braves anything. Actually, any team whose fans employed the Tomahawk Chop and whom David Justice played for when he mistreated Halle Berry is overdrawn on good karma and deserves to finish a distant third.

Last but not least, for David O'Brien, here's some Zevony YouTubed Goodness:

That's all for now. Send your thoughts to neatesager@yahoo.ca.