NHL PLAYOFFS AND THE BLUE JAYS: A LAZY MAN'S DIARY

A rare Tuesday off work would be an excellent chance to find a good pub in this strange new city, or go see a movie. Not for me, though, it's a chance to do the running diary -- channel-surfing between the Ottawa-Tampa Bay playoff game on CBC and the Jays-Orioles tilt on Sportsnet.

7:03. Sportsnet opens the baseball broadcast with a montage of recent Jays highlights -- 5 home runs on 5 swings. Someone didn't get the memo: this team needs to prove they can win a game without hitting home runs. I christen this game The Quest For The Two-Out Single by breaking a bottle of Moosehead (empty, mind you) over the arm of my couch.

7:07. Check on the hockey game, and well, Toto, I don't think we're in Kanata anymore. I'm thoroughly bumfuzzled (is that even a word?) by what the Lightning's crackerjack game-night staff have arranged here . . . The national anthems were performed by some sort of Carpenters tribute act, only with 2 middle-aged guys. I didn't get their names, but I'm sure they're regulars on the wedding/high school grad/Holiday Inn cocktail lounge circuit in Tampa-St. Pete.

Oh, and the microphone doesn't work. Proof God works in mysterious ways.

7:08. The CBC's Elliotte Friedman speaks for all of us when he says, "Let's hope the game gets off to a better start than the anthems." I think he was referring solely to the dead microphone, but I could be wrong.

7:13. We're underway. Let us never speak of the anthem singers again, except to say that if you want to follow their careers, stake out the downtown Tampa bus depot. By the way, does Bob Cole know that Zdeno Chara has a first name and it isn't "Big"?

7:15. Anton Volchenkov, the goat for Ottawa in Game 2, goes off with the game's first penalty. For a team that's playing their most important game ever, that's a bad sign.

7:18. Back over to baseball: is Gustavo Chacin on retainer from the makers of Alka-Seltzer? Here's the first-inning log: hard single to the game's first batter, Brian Roberts, followed one out later by walk to Melvin Mora, bringing up Miguel Tejada with 2 on and 1 out. But Chacin induces a double-play ball.

7:20. Five minutes in and the Sens have 5 shots -- more than double their third-period output in Game 2, hey! Jason Spezza buzzes around Dan Boyle so quickly that Boyle didn't even have time to turn around and skate backwards. After a season of watching Aki Berg and Wade Belak, I'm surprised I still pick up on these subtle nuances.

Martin Havlat, the guy who went two picks after the team we must not name picked Luca (Never Made The NHL) Cereda in the first round in 1999, goes coast-to-coast and scores the game's first goal on a highlight-reel rush. It's 1-0 Ottawa, and the Most Important Game In Senators History is off to a fine start.

7:25. Ah, the playoff line brawl. Gotta love it. I'm sure some broadcaster is mentioning how there's no love-lost between the Sens and the Lightning.

7:27. Well, The Quest For The Two-Out Single will be a short, not a full-length feature. Lyle Overbay knocks in Frank Catalanatto with the game's first run. Yay Jays!

7:30. On Ottawa's first power play, Daniel Alfredsson, who's been called out in the media after going goal-less in the first two games, sets up Wade Redden at the point. Redden shoots and it sails past a screened John Grahame. 2-0 Sens. Grahame had no chance; not only was he screened, but it looks like the puck hit Cory Sarich -- the same guy whom Havlat turned into a cardboard cutout of a hockey player on the first goal.

7:35. Check the ballgame and Chacin has pitched a 1-2-3 second inning. Surprised me too.

7:39. Bob Cole displays a little Newfoundland math: "We've played 14 minutes... just over it." There's 7:24 left in the period when he says this. You do the math.

7:40. Alfredsson sets up another goal, taking a hit behind the net and centring to rookie Patrick Eaves, who beats his check -- Cory Sarich again -- and scores to make it 3-0. CBC's Greg Millen mentions how Eaves' dad, Mike, the coach of the NCAA champion Wisconsin Badgers, was "great NHL player."

I'm in Ottawa, but I can't imagine the delirium right now. The Senators responding to the challenge of a big game! All those public servants might stay up till 11 tonight. OK, 10:45. All right, 10:55.

I make a mental note to check the elder Eaves' career stats: it turns out his career high in points was 50. I guess Millen's definition of "great" differs from yours and mine.

7:45. There's Troy Glaus with a nice backhanded stop and a Davey Concepcion one-hop throw to first base.

7:50. Hey, you don't get penalties, you take him: Zdeno Chara facewashes little Martin St-Louis, gets sent off, and Tampa, otherwise dead in the water, goes to the power play. Seconds later, Redden's also sent off for tripping St-Louis. The Lightning convert the 5-on-3, with St-Louis deflecting in a point shot to make it 3-1. Makes it interesting for the fans, but anyone can tell this is pretty much over unless Ottawa falls apart.

7:58. Thanks, Sportsnet. After putting up a graphic that shows Tejada is 4th all-time in homers by a shortstop, he hooks a Chacin pitch inside the left-field foul pole to tie the game 1-1 in the top of the fourth.

8:06. This is the kind of bullflop you get when you have a baseball team and a sports channel owned by the same company: after Lyle Overbay singles in Troy Glaus to restore the Jays' lead, announcer Jamie Campbell says, "I can't help but have this feeling the Blue Jays are going to score four or five runs." Really?

They get two -- Overbay comes in, as lead-assed Bengie Molina hits a triple but stretches it into a double. 3-1 Jays after four.

8:18. The Sens and Bolts are back on the ice. There's Redden, who's grieving the loss of his mother, Pat, breaking up a rush and making a great pass to Havlat, who blows by Corey Sarich like he was a yield sign. Havlat goes in alone beats Grahame for his second of the night, and it's 4-1.

If this was an English soccer match, the Beeb's commentator would be saying of Sarich, "This defender is neither savvy or worldly enough to be much of a match for their striker." Or something to that effect.

How does Sarich keep ending up matched against the speedier Senators? It's not like the home team has the last change or anything.

8:25. Just a thought -- this a dream scenario for the media. Ottawa's going to get a decisive win, but there's still a possibility that they can write an off-day story tomorrow about how Heatley and Alfredsson still haven't scored. Spezza does some great work to set up Heatley, who plays a game of hit-the-crest.

8:32. Antoine Vermette scores for Ottawa, and it's 5-1. John Grahame gets the mercy pull, and this game is only being played now to honour the NHL's TV contract.

8:35. There's Troy Glaus, turning a 5-4-3 DP to end the Orioles' half of the fifth. I hear he can hit too.

8:38. Pat Burns, the ex-Leafs and Canadiens coach who's fighting a battle against cancer, is shown in the crowd. He's looking well. How can I tell? He's frowning. Once a cop, always a cop.

8:45. Miguel Tejada singles down the first-base line, and I flip back to the hockey game, which, given the score, could degenerate into an all-out gong show any second now. So I miss Jay Gibbons homering off Chacin to make it 3-3.

8:57-9:02. The Jays responded in the fourth after Baltimore tied it . . . can they do it again? Russ Adams leads off the home half of the seventh with a walk, which ends Rodrigo Lopez's night; Reed Johnson tries to bunt and ends up forcing Adams at second. But here comes Catalanatto, working a walk from Jim Brower, an Orioles reliever who's as nondescript as his name suggests.

9:07. Here's Vernon Wells, with the go-ahead run at second. The Sportsnet camera moves in for a close-up on the catcher; Ramon Hernandez does something with his fingers that's pure Esperanto to me, but I translate it by screaming, "Wheelhouse! Wheelhouse! Wheelhouse!"

Wells breaks his bat, but dumps a single into left-centre, cashing in Johnson to put the Jays ahead 4-3.

9:11. Well, this is interesting. The Orioles walk Glaus intentionally (Wells had gone to second on the throw home), and bring in John Halama to face Overbay, setting up a lefty-lefty matchup. But John Gibbons yanks Overbay (2-for-2 with a walk, run scored and 2 RBI) and puts up Shea Hillenbrand to pinch-hit.

It works... Hillenbrand hits a two-run single, and later scores on a hit by Molina, putting the Jays up 7-3 going into the eighth. That runs Hillenbrand to 6-for-14 lifetime against Halama.

By the way, the degrees of separation are neat here: Gibbons played in the Mets organization under Davey Johnson, who learned his strategy as a second baseman for Earl Weaver in Baltimore. Both Johnson and Weaver were good at platooning and turning guys like Wally Backman and John Lowenstein into part-time superstars, same as Gibbons is doing so far this year with the Jays. If any Toronto baseball writers are reading this, feel free to steal this for a column. I'll be flattered. Honestly.

9:15. There's a time to turtle -- like when you're winning 5-2 on the road in the third period. (Paul Ranger scored for Tampa while I was away.) Senators pest Chris Neil goes into a fetal position rather than fight Tampa Bay's Chris Dingman. The outcome: a seven-minute power play for Ottawa. By the way, if you have a lot of Senators in your playoff pool, you should know it's bad form to drool so openly.

9:23. Back at the Cable Box, Justin Speier pitches a 1-2-3 eighth, preserving a four-run lead and keeping B.J. Ryan out of Easy Save Territory. That's a shame.

9:24. With the Sens on a 5-on-3, Heatley gets his goal on a play that looked like something straight from the Canada-Italy women's game at the Olympics. Someone somewhere notes that Heatley just got the monkey off his back, no doubt.

9:35. Ranger scores again -- making it 7-3 with 8:34 left. Bob Cole trots out the "you never know" line. I think we know, Bob.

It's Ranger's second of the night -- if this series goes seven games, he could end up outscoring the New York Rangers in the playoffs.

9:40. Ballgame's over -- a 7-3 win for the Jays, with Gustavo Chacin running his record to 4-0 -- and lowering his ERA to 5.11. Nice.

The hockey game is also 7-3 -- hold on there, Pavel Kubina just scored for the Lightning. The lead is cut to three goals with 6 1/2 minutes left. Not even the Senators could blow such a lead, especially since the Lightning aren't exactly double-shifting their stars.

9:49. There's the coup de grace: Antoine Vermette puts the Senators up 8-4 with 2:22 left, making the final score fully indicative of the ass-kicking this was. Better luck Thursday, Tampa!

9:53. Vincent Lecavalier, who's been about as visible in these playoffs as Mats Sundin (that's not a shot at Sundin; after all, it's not his fault his team didn't make it), picks a fight with Chara, who wrestles him to the ice and respectfully pulls a punch.

10:03. To add insult to injury, the Lightning have a window-dressing goal waved off in the final seconds. It's over.

10:05. Back to update the blog before the three games out West start and get the lowdown from Sportscentre on the Vancouver Bertuzzi Apologists firing Marc Crawford earlier today. Canucks GM Dave Nonis says they aren't necessarily "going to go for the sexiest choice." I guess that leaves out Elisha Cuthbert.

10:20. Brad Winchester just moved to the head of the line to replace Ralph Klein as Premier of Alberta -- the Game 2 hero for Edmonton just set up Jaroslav Spacek with the game's first goal, putting the Oilers up 1-0.

(Winchester's American, which would really endear him to the Albertans who think we should just copy the Yanks anyways.)

10:33. OK, I'm a goddamn jinx. No sooner do I settle down to catch a little Edmonton-Detroit than Henrik Zetterberg tips in a pass for a power-play goal, tying it 1-1.

10:48. Ryan Smyth scores on Manny Legace, who's looking a lot like the spring 2003 version of Curtis Joseph. Who gets the assist? Winchester. 2-1 Oilers.

11:07. First intermission. Believe it or not, I'd managed to avoid that stupid Viagra commercial all night till now.

11:12. The Oilers power play finally clicks, with Chris Pronger firing an ideal-for-tipping point shot. Raffi Torres obliges, and it's 3-1 Oilers.

11:50. Done typing for now ... end of second, Edmonton's ahead by two. Detroit's managed 15 shots in the first 40 minutes against the Oilers' DCIAT (Don't Call It A Trap) defence.

COME BACK FOR MORE, EH.

12:02. Between-periods flip to TSN, where San Jose and Nashville are tied 1-1 in late in the second. Nashville's Mark Eaton gets a penalty for having the same name as a 7-foot-4 white stiff who played for the Utah Jazz in the '80s. On the ensuing power play, Steve Bernier's left wide open down low and scores to put the Sharks ahead. Cheechoo and Thornton are still goal-less in theis series.

12:10. They're back on the ice in Edmonton. Shawn Horcoff goes off, thanks to that chintzy new rule that calls for a delay of a game penalty for anyone who shoots the puck out of play in his own zone. Detroit's down 3-1, and and Edmonton has fallen back into the defensive posture that's so obviously a trap that it beggars absurdity that they don't call it a trap.

12:14. Once again, I've been had. For the past week I've poked fun at Calgary's chronic inability to score. Naturally, the Flames are beating Anaheim 5-2.

12:20. Another Edmonton penalty (Rem Murray for holding). It's a bad, bad thing to keep putting Detroit on the power play, although the Oilers kill it off.

12:27. Now it's Marc-Andre Bergeron of Edmonton going off. Detroit wins the faceoff, the puck goes Jason Williams, who coming off the point, fakes a pass and gets Horcoff to dive on the ice. A quick pass and Zetterberg tips it in, and it's 3-2. The power play takes all of 11 seconds.

12:30. I don't like this. Rexall Place is awfully quiet. Maybe the fans here know something . . . Steve Yzerman, the veteran, beats Mike Peca on the draw. Mathieu Schneider steps into it, and before you know it the puck is in the net. Two goals in 18 seconds. And it's tied 3-3 with 7:50 left. Looks like overtime.

If you're an Oilers fan, this is shaping up as a Stomach Punch game par excellence. For 40 minutes the Oilers had Detroit off their game -- 15 shots! -- and now it's unravelled in a matter of seconds.

12:35. Ales Hemsky goes into the corner with Chris Chelios, and the dirty old pro knocks him off stride, crashing headfirst into the boards. Anyone who's not a strong athlete in the prime of life would probably get whiplash from such a collision. Hemsky is hurt, but gets up and skates off after play is stopped.

And look at Chelios! He's furious. No, not because it turned out Hemsky didn't have whiplash, but because the refs stopped play when Detroit had the puck in Edmonton's zone.

12:39. Yzerman just misses on a rebound opportunity. Edmonton' s hanging in there.

12:43. Now here's Edmonton's chance to end it: Niklas Lidstrom gets a penalty with 1:17 left in regulation. They get one good shot in next 77 seconds, so it's overtime.

12:58. Out in San Jose, the Sharks are still holding that 2-1 lead with less than 5 minutes left. Joe Thornton looks like he's up to his old Boston post-season tricks -- he plays hit-the-logo on an in-close chance on Nashville's Chris Mason. But on the next trip up the ice, Jonathan Cheechoo drops the hammer, firing a Moose Factory missile that Mason stops but can't smother, as it goes through his five-hole and into the net. San Jose goes on to win 4-1.

1:00. Overtime. There's always the chance that the game will still be going when parts of Canada will be waking up to go for work, and then again, it could be over in 60 seconds or less. Detroit gets the first good chance in OT; Roloson steers it away.

1:04. Stats on faceoffs tonight: 36-27 for Detroit. And the Red Wings outshot Edmonton 16-6 in the third, when they wiped out the two-goal deficit. Edmonton is on the brink here. Mattias Holmstrom, going hard to the net, has a pass go over his stick. Another Edmonton penalty (Spacek, for holding). A playoff penalty kill is something, especially when you're facing a team that's as loaded offensively as the Red Wings -- every second fraught with tension, crowd hushed until there's a whistle or the puck goes outside the line and everyone can breathe again. You're backed in a corner, playing for time, hoping the opposition's passes are just an inch less true than usual, because playing five on four, they have so much goddamn room out there, and you can't cover everyone.

1:09. Now it's Edmonton's turn with the extra man, as Jarret Stoll draws a hooking call on Williams. Just like the last power play, there's not much doing for the Oilers.

1:13. Another Edmonton penalty. Detroit, first in the league with the extra man in the regular season, is 2-for-8 on the PP tonight, and has taken 19 shots. How many are they allowed to take? Here's another stat: since the start of the third, the shots are 22-8 for the Red Wings.

1:22. Yzerman, who left the game late in the third, isn't back on the bench yet.

1:25. Oilers come down the ice. Drop pass to Stoll, right between the circles, high slot, one-timer and Legace is out to cut down the angle and makes the save. Detroit gathers it up, coming back fast, and the old playoff trope -- goalie makes a game-saving save, team comes right back and scores -- seems to be acting itself out. Williams moves down the right side, is angled off, decides to shoot from an impossible angle, a few feet in front of the goal line. Scores! That's it.

How did that go in? Wait. How did that go in? There's a quick shot of Roloson barking something to the official, but it's quickly replaced by one of celebrating Red Wings.

1:27. Now it's clear. Roloson backed into the net, raising it up in the air just enough so a puck could go underneath. And that's what it did. Williams really was shooting from an impossible angle. No goal.

1:32. The Edmonton line with Hemsky and Sergei Samsonov has picked up their game as the overtime's gone along. Something to keep in mind for the "who's going to score the winning goal?" question.

1:38. Late in the period, Edmonton gets a couple wild shots from well out, but nothing hits the net. They'll play another period.

1:40. When it gets this late -- it's after 3 a.m. in Newfoundland and Labrador, so yes, this could conceivably still be going when parts of Canada get up for work -- you need something to watch during the intermissions.

It's a choice between Serving Sara and professional bowling, where I just say some guy throw a ball that went up a ramp, came down and still went for a strike. That's the most impressive thing I've seen all night.

1:45. We've had two references to Newfoundland tonight. Here's a third: Red Wings fourth-liner Dan Cleary is from Carbonear, N.L., also the hometown of my good friend Neil Acharya.

1:50. OK, who's going to score the winners: I keep thinking of Stoll's missed chance in the first overtime and Williams at the other end with the non-goal. But Samsonov has been coming on, so I'll take him for Edmonton. For Detroit, though, I'll stick with Jason Williams.

2:00. There's Williams, getting two cracks at Roloson. No deal.

2:04. Legace makes a good save on Horcoff. How long are they planning to play for? Some of us have to get up for work in the afternoon.

2:08. It happens so suddenly, it always does. Horcoff comes in on Legace's glove side and tries to jam the puck in. It goes behind the net where Samsonov swoops in and tries the wraparound. As you see later on the replay, all Legace can do is bat it away like a mosquito. Stoll, coming in, swats it at the net -- and it's in. Game over. Just like that.

Final thoughts, as Edmonton celebrates: there was a game to share with all the killjoys who complain any time there's a glut of marathon overtime games, but I might not have been so magnaminous if they'd played a third overtime.

Then again, that would have given me more time to contemplate just what the deal was with those anthem singers in Tampa, because some 3,500 words later, I still don't have a screw's clue. Alas, that will remain a mystery for the ages.

Good night.