Thursday, August 07, 2008

Snark break ...

The gauntlet has been thrown down ... for today's edition, every item is a variation on "Riddle me this." ...

... How is that in 1980, Canada and the U.S. boycotted the Olympics in a Communist country because a nation was occupying Afghanistan; but in 2008, Canada and U.S. are attending the Olympics in a Communist country despite occupying Afghanistan?

... How is that anyone believes that Barry Bonds will show up in San Fran on Saturday?

... How is that in Alberta, that republic of outlaws loosely allied with the rest of Canada, Edmonton politicians are looking for public financing for a new arena for the Oilers? Strangely enough, all those other loser provinces which are teeming with tax-and-spend socialist sandal-wearers managed to build new NHL arenas with almost 100% private money. (Glove tap to the Battle of Alberta.)

How can it be that God lives in Saskatchewan ... when the matchless Little General, Ron Lancaster, is fighting cancer and the Saskatchewan Roughriders' best receiver, Matt Dominguez, has a career-ending injury?

(Digression: Please don't take this as an attempt to make light of something that is very real and very scary for Lancaster, his family and anyone who loves the CFL and the people who made it great.

Laughter is the best medicine, right? It's a corny joke, but you can just scroll down to where the italicization ends. A Saskatchewan farmer dies and goes to heaven ... as he's being taken around, it's explained to him that in heaven, everyone gets to pretend to be whoever he or she wants to be.

They pass a hockey rink where a man dressed in a Montreal Canadiens No. 9 sweater is shooting pucks into a net. "That man is from Quebec," the farmer is told. "He thinks he's Maurice Richard."

At the other end of the ice, a figure in a Boston Bruins sweater is weaving around the ice. "That man is from Parry Sound. He thinks he's Bobby Orr."

They walk a bit more until they pass a field where a man in a green-and-white Saskatchewan Roughriders uniform, flowing beard protruding over his single-bar facemask, is throwing a football through an old tire.

"That's God. He thinks he's Ron Lancaster.")

... How is that Kingston Frontenacs GM-for-life Larry Mavety can look visionary? The OHL might pull out of junior hockey's import draft. That wouldn't change a thing for the Frontenacs, who haven't participated in it for years.

(Ottawa 67's coach Brian Kilrea says, "Some GMs and owners feel they are being manipulated by the entire process." Now they know how the players feel. Picture Boon and Otter in Animal House. "He can't do that to our pledges!" ... "Only we can do that to our pledges.")

... How is that Paris Hilton could come off as more politically astute than Sen. John McCain's campaign team?

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Great job, Senator McCain. You just let Ms. Hilton hit the reset button on her 15 minutes.

... last but not least, via ShysterBall, how can a building feature "rustic, urban architecture" when rustic and urban are two completely different things?

(Short answer: The thesaurus feature on Microsoft Word exists so dumb people can try to sound important. Not that I'm accusing anyone of that. I'm fired, aren't I? Oh yeah. Well, I don't even really work here. That's what makes this so difficult.)

(Clip via Deus Ex Malcontent.)

1 comment:

eyebleaf said...

great seinfeld/kramer reference. one of the best episodes ever.

TCB - takin care of business!