SLOTBACK SLOG: THE TORONTO ARGONAUTS

Yes, the Canadian Football League season kicks off tonight. To ensure that you don't get flagged for a time-count violation (that's Canadian for "delay of game"), Out of Left Field has slapped together -- and I do mean slapped -- some team capsules for upcoming season. As part of its contribution to the fight to end Eastern bias within our lifetime, we're starting on the West Coast and working our way east amid various hilarious highjinks, much like those crazy kids in National Lampoon's Going The Distance. Presenting: The fightin' Toronto Argonauts.

TORONTO ARGONAUTS
2005 record: 11-7, lost East final
Head coach: Mike (Pinball) Clemons
Who looks kind of like: Sorry, no jokes about the Pinball Wizard. He defies easy categorization. He is a lot of things -- preacher, poet, master motivator, a possible future Mayor of Toronto and in his playing days, more fun that upon further review, there is no appropriate simile. "Bellyful of chili and a Bic lighter" is just too gross.
Famous alumni: Rocket Ismail, Cookie Gilchrist, Stupid Joe
Hey, didn't you used to play for? .... : Three other Argos besides you-know-who -- RB John Avery, WR R. Jay Soward and OL Bernard Williams -- are former NFL first-rounders.
No, that's really his name: WR Arland Bruce III
Trivial trivia: DE Eric England played in the only XFL championship game. He would probably prefer you didn't mention this.
Guy who's been there forever: S Orlondo Steinauer
Key off-season pickups not named Eric Crouch or Ricky Williams: SB-KR Keith Stokes, DB Dave Donaldson
CanCon: Not one but two former Queen's Golden Gaels, RB Bryan Crawford and OL Jon Landon. Three if you count radio play-by-play man Jaime Stein, an alumnus of CFRC 101. 9 FM.

Talk about your Canadian conundrums. Yours truly holds the CFL near and dear, and regularly heaps scorn upon Toronto, yet roots for its CFL team, which is reviled coast-to-coast for having the league's less fervent, most fair-weather fans and, well, being from Toronto. However, that is neither here nor there.

The Argos came more or less out of nowhere in 2004, winning the Grey Cup despite having the league's lowest-rated offence. In '05, they finished in first place, but couldn't handle such prosperity, losing to the Montréal Alouettes in the East final after being up two touchdowns early in the game.

Fans of karma will note it all went downhill in the East final after R. Jay Soward celebrated a touchdown catch by dashing to the concession stand for a bag of popcorn, an act of overzealous celebration that drew admonishments even from the likes of Chad Johnson and Terrell Owens. OK, so it didn't. But Soward actually did go get a bag of popcorn. That much is true.

Now the Argos have gone and incensed the rest of the CFL by signing Ricky Williams while he's under NFL suspension. Never mind that the every other team has employed far more dubious characters (cough, Lawrence Phillips) and they're just bitter they didn't seize the initiative and get Ricky on their negotiation list.

Yours truly has predicted Williams will not lead the league in rushing since (a) it's clear he wants to increase his NFL longevity by becoming a Tiki Barber type, a rushing-receiving threat; and (b) the Argos haven't had a dominant running game since the days of Gill (the Thrill) Fenerty.

The Argos prefer to go pass-wacky, which is part of the reason they don't run-block particularly well. Of course, a one-off chance to block for a recent NFL rushing leader seems like plenty of incentive to improve that element of their game.

Forty-two-year-old quarterback Damon Allen is a mere 1,320 yards away from Warren Moon's unofficial pro football record for career passing yards. With returning receivers Robert Baker, Arland Bruce III, Tony Miles and Andre Talbot, along with speedster Keith Stokes, Allen should, barring injury, surpass that mark by the fifth game of the season.

Of course, the Argos are all about defence and special teams, which lets them often win games where they've been outgained. Eric England and Jonathan Brown (13 sacks in '05) are the leaders of the pass rush, while LB Kevin Eiben was the second-leading tackler in the league last season. Veteran Orlondo Steinauer and perennial Eastern all-star Clifford Ivory anchor a bend-but-don't-break secondary; Bashir Levingston is expected to get more playing time at corner after being a return specialist for the past four years. One downside: LB Michael Fletcher is beginning the season on the injured list.

As for specialists, the Argos have a terrific tandem in do-it-all kicker Noel Prefontaine and Levingston, who will be splitting the runbacks with Stokes (who may miss Saturday's opener against Hamilton due to an injured left arm). When that duo is on the field, possibly with Bruce alongside them, there won't be many dull moments.

Bottom line: The Argos may struggle early on but will ultimately return to the Grey Cup -- not just because they have added Ricky Williams to an already good team, but because it will hack off the Rest of Canada.

(Previous capsules: Hamilton Tiger-Cats, Winnipeg Blue Bombers.
West Division capsules: B.C. Lions, Calgary Stampeders, Edmonton Eskimos, Saskatchewan Roughriders.)