SLOTBACK SLOG: THE B.C. LIONS

Yes, the Canadian Football League season kicks off on Friday. To ensure that you don't get flagged for a time-count violation (that's Canadian for "delay of game"), Out of Left Field has slapped together -- and I do mean slapped -- some team capsules for upcoming season. As part of its contribution to the fight to end Eastern bias within our lifetime, we're starting on the West Coast and working our way east amid various hilarious highjinks, much like those crazy kids in National Lampoon's Going The Distance. Presenting: The fightin' B.C. Lions.

BRITISH COLUMBIA LIONS
2005 record: 12-6, lost West final to Edmonton
Head coach: Wally Buono
Who looks kind of like: The guy who goes undercover to bust Tony Soprano.
Famous alumni: Former Vikings QB Joe Kapp (above), Doug Flutie, Carl Weathers (the guy who played Apollo Creed in the Rocky movies)
Hey, didn't you used to play for? .... : QB Dave Dickenson spent three years as a backup with the Chargers; reserve pivot Jarious Jackson once starred at Notre Dame.
No, that's really his name: OL Angus Reid (who shares his name with a Canadian polling firm)
Guy who's been there forever: LB Carl Kidd.
Key off-season pickups: K Paul McCallum, DB Korey Banks.
CanCon: Defensive linemen Brent Johnston and Matt Kirk both hail from Kingston, Ont. Which doesn't tell you anything, except it's my adopted hometown.

The B.C. Lions' 2005 season unravelled faster than the final reel of Wedding Crashers, as a quarterback controversy involving the older but oft-injured Dickenson and the starter from '04, Casey Printers (who's since signed with the Kansas City Chiefs), brought B.C. down. The Lions reeled off 11 straight wins to open the season. Then a last-second loss to Montreal sent them into a downward spiral, and the Lions, who hosted the Grey Cup, had to watch as the big game in their stadium pitted the Eskimos against the Alouettes.

Man, if Left Coasters didn't have their lattés, skiing, surfing, year-round golf and nude beaches, there might have been mass consternation over the Lions' rise and hard fall.

Anyway, the Lions return most of the nucleus from last season. Dickenson, provided he can stay healthy, has three 1,000-yard receivers at his disposal in Jason Clermont, Geroy Simon and Ryan Thelwell. Former NFLers Aaron Lockett and Tony Simmons fill out the receiving corps. Underrated running back Antonio Warren totalled over 1,600 combined yards in '05.

Defensively, the Lions now boast the league's 2005 leaders in sacks (Johnson) and interceptions (Banks, acquired from Ottawa in the dispersal draft). Banks joins veteran Barron Miles in the B.C. secondary. Look for former U of S Huskies star Tyson Craiggs to be a big contributor on special teams on D.

On special teams, veteran Paul McCallum signed as a free agent after 14 seasons -- and two costly misses against the Leos in the 2004 West final -- with Saskatchewan. Lockett, the one-time Kansas State standout, led the CFL in kickoff-return yards in 2005 and tallied over 2,000 yards all told on runbacks.

(**UPDATE: The Lions had former Ottawa kicker Sandro Sciortino in camp, but he left the team and was subsequently cut.)

Bottom line: The Lions will probably tear up the CFL yet again -- and once again, find a way to lose when it matters most.