SLOTBACK SLOG: THE HAMILTON TIGER-CATS

Yes, the Canadian Football League season kicks off tomorrow. To ensure that you don't get flagged for a time-count violation (that's Canadian for "delay of game"), Out of Left Field has slapped together -- and I do mean slapped -- some team capsules for upcoming season. As part of its contribution to the fight to end Eastern bias within our lifetime, we're starting on the West Coast and working our way east amid various hilarious highjinks, much like those crazy kids in National Lampoon's Going The Distance. Presenting: The fightin' Hamilton Tiger-Cats.

HAMILTON TIGER-CATS
2005 record: 5-13, missed playoffs
Head coach: Greg Marshall
Who looks kind of like: Your wife's "personal trainer" (wink, wink)
Famous alumni: Timm Rosenbach
Hey, didn't you used to play for? .... : O-lineman Greg Randall won a Super Bowl ring with the 2001 Patriots.
No, that's really his name: General manager Rob Katz
Trivial trivia: RB Kojo Aidoo was selected Canadian's outstanding university player in 2000 -- then played sparingly during his final two years after McMaster after breaking his leg working as an extra in the remake of Brian's Song.
Guy who's been there forever: S Rob Hitchcock
Key off-season pickups: QB Jason Maas, RB-KR Corey Holmes, RB Josh Ranek
CanCon: Marshall is the first Canadian in recent history to be a CFL head coach.

Vignettes from the Hamilton sports experience:

November 2004, Copps Coliseum. With the NHL lockout well into its second month, the Hamilton Bulldogs, AHL affiliate of the Montreal Canadiens, host the Leafs' farm club, then based out of St. John. Which means the 'Dogs attract a sellout crowd -- almost all of whom are wearing blue-and-white as they desperately try to get their Leafs fix.

Crowd: "Go Leafs, Go!"

Announcer: "Come on, fans! Let's make some noise for your hometown Hamilton Bulldogs!"

Crowd (louder): "Go Leafs, Go!"

September 2005, Hwy. 24, southwest of Brantford, Ont. Driving back from the Rogers Centre after witnessing coach Mike (Pinball) Clemons' Argos clean the Tabbies' collective clock 48-0, the radio was tuned to a Hamilton rock station. A message came on, a chipper, cheerleader-voice type urging listeners to, "Support your Ticats!"

The next song: Pinball Wizard -- an unwitting reference to the Argos coach. Colleague Jeff Dertinger and I (both Argos fans) laughed heartily. This actually happened.

Ticats fans, to borrow from Hey Jenny Slater's comparison of NCAA football teams and Simpsons characters, have a Moe Szyslak-sized chip on their shoulders, a kind of defensive pride. Their animus toward the rival Argos and the encroaching, sprawling city of Toronto knows no bounds and it grates to no end that while the Argos have had their way with them time and again over the past few years, for the most part, hip, too-cool-for-the-room T.O. doesn't attach any civic pride to its CFL fortunes, certainly not like Hamilton, Saskatchewan and Winnipeg collectively does.

But this season might be different. Hamilton acquired a quarterback, Jason Maas, in an extremely sketchy deal with Edmonton. It pilfered the smouldering wreckage of Ottawa Renegades for running back Josh Ranek, offensive lineman George Hudson, punter Pat Fleming, offensive co-ordinator Joe Paopao and offensive line coach Kani Kauahi. Hamilton flipped the first pick in the dispersal draft to get all-purpose back Corey Holmes and by that point, already had added two big-time receivers, Kwame Cavil and Terry Vaughn, to complement D.J. Flick (1,245 yards in '05).

Of course, this is where you point out that last season, the Ticats landed a big-time receiver, Chris Brazzell, and we all know how that worked out. Hamilton also has four new starters on the offensive line, and the fact so many Renegades refugees are filling important roles this season might tell you what the state of Hamilton's personnel has been over the past couple years. Last season seemed to suggest that the 9-8-1 record in 2004, Marshall's first season, is one of the most remarkable coaching jobs the CFL has seen in the last decade. (That said, how Marshall could have been voted coach of the year over Pinball Clemons when Hamilton was 0-5-1 against the Argos is a bit baffling.)

If it seems like the pre-season talk surrounding Hamilton has revolved around its offence, well, there's a reason. The defence sucked out loud last season, giving up league-worst 583 points. Sure, part of that can be pinned on an offence that went 2-and-out a lot and had a lot of turnovers, but considering that Winnipeg was in the process of setting a league record for most yards allowed, giving up 25 more points than the Bombers is quite the dubious achievement.

Hamilton does have a solid front with tackle Adriano Belli playing between ends James Cotton and Tim Cheatwood, but the next two levels are a little lacking, save for defensive back Jason Goss.

Hamilton's kicking game was spotty last season, but Jamie Boreham's placekicking should improve now that Fleming has taken the punting chores off his hands. Holmes should be the kind of return threat Hamilton hasn't had since ... Earl Winfield?

Bottom line: On paper, Hamilton looks decent. The Ticats might crack the 10-win plateau for the first time since 2001 and hold off the fourth-place team in the West for the division's final playoff berth. Emphasis on might.

(Previous capsule: Winnipeg Blue Bombers. West Division capsules: B.C. Lions, Calgary Stampeders, Edmonton Eskimos, Saskatchewan Roughriders.)