What would happen if....

Over the course of holiday season, some sports issues have clearly come to light that demand either a question or a response.


First off, did the Czechs feel like the folks Romans used to torture at the colosseum once the score reached 5-0?

How can the NHL justify watching the Phoenix Coyotes lose $35 million IN OPERATIONS ALONE, and not justify another Canadian Franchise? Unless they want to screw the player's union and keep the escrow money?

Why can't that franchise be in Toronto (perhaps somewhere in northern Toronto?), Kitchener-Waterloo or, perhaps Winnipeg?

How can the Baseball Hall of Fame voters justify excluding Tim Raines from the Hall of Fame, yet consider the 'roid ragers that will come up on the ballot in upcoming years?

Why does the Hockey Hall of Fame seemingly let anyone with 1,000 points and a handshake into its hallowed shrine, when Baseball has standards?

How can those standards exclude Tom Cheek from the media wing of the Baseball Hall of Fame?

Why doesn't Bob Cole call curling games, a sport he once played at a high level, instead of hockey, a sport he can clearly not can't keep up with anymore?

How will Bob Cole cover Vancouver Canucks games once Sundin teams up with the Sedin twins?

(editor's note: Probably like this: "There he goes! Whoa Baby, look at him go. What a pass to the Sunnnnnnedin."

Why hasn't Martin Sheen ever played a baseball manager in a movie?

Why didn't Oren Koules stick to making bad horror flicks and mediocre TV shows? Was he expecting to catch lightning in a bottle and settled for aging free agents instead?

Could the B.C. Lions beat the Detroit Lions straight up?

How did the Boston Bruins grab a 10 point lead on the Montreal Canadiens when the Canadiens were the favourites?

Did Rickards deliberately try to find bartenders that look like Bob Gainey for their new ads?

Was Bob Gainey auditioning for a new job in said ads?

If that doesn't work, are Alexander Keith's commercials next? (Willllllllllllsssssssssooooooooooonnnnnn!)

Nashville isn't the NHL's canary in the economic coal mine. Detroit is.

When Stephen Harper caused a constitutional crisis to stay in power, citing the coaliton was undemocratic, did he realize that shutting down Parliament isn't exactly setting the best example?

It may seem to a purist that a dome stadium in Regina for the Saskatchewan Roughriders is a bad idea. But it's not like the fans there had much of a tradition with home playoff games....

Why the Saskadome is a good idea: no CFL stadium currently requires ear protection for games against Hamilton. Health Canada would have to mandate such a law if a dome is built in Regina. Either that, or fans would train in the off season by standing next to jet engines. And unlike the new stadium plans in Winnipeg (which are spiffy, but...) Regina could use the whole stadium year round for public recreation, which isn't such a bad idea in January.

To Paul Beeston: For the love of god, please stay as Jays' head honcho.

To J.P Riccardi: Pulling the pin on the development plan in Year 6 isn't a ringing endorsement. Probably best to redo the resume and hand them out at Wal-Mart. Who knows. That greeting doesn't look too hard, and you might find a decent reliever for your softball team.

The Canadian Football League will survive the NFL's arrival in Toronto ( in Western Canada), but the idea of the NFL coming to the Big Smoke is just as laughable as the Bills playing games at Epcot. Don't believe me? How many tickets did they REALLY sell at Rogers Centre? Not 54,000.

The Continental Cup is an idea that deserves to die, but should be replaced with another, more plausible idea. Games between teams from across the globe can be good for the sport. Skills competitions can work too. Ryder Cup format? Not so much.

Kevin Martin and Glenn Howard may be the present in curling. Winnipeg's Mike McEwen will be the future, not Brad Gushue.

Who in their right mind would pay $2,500, regular price, to watch a regular season baseball game?

Who wouldn't pay $2,500 to see North Carolina light up Duke at the Dean Dome?

How is it possible there's a professional mini-golf circuit? Is there some kind of skill getting past the windmill?

Happy New Year,

Keith the Curling Guy.