Hoserdome 2009: Walker fires home winner, NHL shoots itself in the foot

The NHL is so red-faced over Scott Walker scoring a series-winning overtime goal that it's already given Donald Brashear six more games.

Having three seven-game series, two Game 7s that were tied with five minutes left in third period (on the same night) and the third period of the decisive game of the Chicago-Vancouver series should satisty any hockey fan's palate. That has to be stressed. The hockey gods, whose sense of humour seems to run very black, really outdid themselves by having Walker be the one to end the Bruins' season after the NHL's typically scattershot supplemental discipline allowed him to play in the final two games after his sucker punch on Boston defenceman Aaron Ward.

The kicker is the joke might be on the NHL. A Pittsburgh-Boston conference final was probably what the NHL and their partners at NBC wanted, since it would have involved a major U.S. television market and Sidney Crosby, who is one of only two hockey players who exist as far as the U.S. media is concerned. The only place in the U.S. that stand to be much interested in the Carolina-Pittsburgh series would be that resort town in Minnesota where the Staal brothers got high-school drunk two summers ago. Chicago-Detroit gets play on the Peacock network.

Granted, that's just an outsider opinion. What was true in Connie Smythe's day, that hockey is a great sport to survive the fools who run it, still stands today. Take away the sucker punch and Walker's winner would make for a great story. He's an underappreciated defensive specialist who checks anything that moves first and looks to contribute offensively maybe later.

The first two rounds have been very good. Scoring is up and a two- or three-goal margin doesn't equal game over like it did in pre-lockout hockey. All told, as a fan, it's pretty satisfying. Brutal and wonderful all at once; that's hockey.

Skill brings luck
The Chicago Blackhawks being in the Western final is wicked, of course (try not to make too much of the fact their power play is nails and Detroit's penalty killing has not been; the 'Hawks have to get some power-play chances for that to be a factor).

A fun fact: The Blackhawks have used the fewest players in the post-season, 20 (only counting teams who made it through the first round).

The Red Wings won 4-of-6 in the regular season vs. the 'Hawks, for what's it worth. Two of those games were in shootouts and the other was the Winter Classic. Chicago won the last two meetings during a season-ending home-and-home (not saying the Red Wings took those games lightly, but Chris Chelios moved up to play right wing one of 'em).

The week the hockey went
The trade-off of CBC picking up Game 7 of the Anaheim-Detroit series on Thursday (it was slated for TSN2) is that the people's network will go a full seven nights without a hockey telecast. TSN gets the first two games of each conference final, while Hockey Night in Canada is off until May 22, Game 3. This should service Bell Globemedia's strategy of bleeding its competitor as dry as a kosher chicken (fist bump: Allen Abel).

In TV Feeds My Family's phrasing, "The NHL playoffs have been a very quiet draw so far this spring." Feel free to use this as a jumping-off point to theorize that the saturation coverage of hockey is starting to turn off Canadians, or that the season is just too damn long if your team isn't in the hunt for the Stanley Cup.

This Maurice guy can, like, coach
Carolina's Paul Maurice might never win a Stanley Cup, but he just did manage to win two playoff rounds with a team whose workhorse defenceman are Joni Pitkanen and Joe Corvo, for pity's sake.

Experience still counts
Three of the last four Stanley Cup-winning goalies are still in the playoffs (Detroit's Chris Osgood, Carolina's Cam Ward and Chicago's Nikolai Khabibulin, who was Tampa Bay's starter in 2004).

Three of the final four teams also changed their coaches during the season. As if NHL coaches weren't an insecure enough lot already.

Monster non-sequitur
TSN's Pierre McGuire, God love him, he does a very good job as an analyst, but sometimes he phrases something in such a way that if you taken it out of context, it sounds really weird. Last night, he explained that Boston goalie Tim Thomas isn't the greatest physical specimen by saying, "If you saw him with his clothes off, you wouldn't think he was a professional athlete."

Explain why Stephen Harper likes it so much, smartypants

In place of original commentary about the Stanley Cup playoffs, here's a take on it from the Guardian over in England, where they speak real good European:

"At its best and purest hockey takes the form of the perfect society, everyone moving together for the greater good. I sometimes like to think that this is why good lefties such as Tim Robbins love the game so much. Its ideals are so undeniable that one is able even to overlook the fact that this utopia also features people getting punched in the face and rushed to hospital."

Maybe so, maybe not, but you have to love an article that says of ol' bland ambition himself, Sidney Crosby, "nothing and no one will budge this young man from the middle lane," and refers to Alex Ovechkin playing "as if his shirt was on fire."

The Crosby-Ovechkin duel spoke for itself. The day-after coverage was a major bringdown, though. If Crosby's way is superior to Ovechkin's, which seems to blend the best of Mike Bossy, Guy Lafleur and Wendel Clark, then hockey might not be the greatest sport.

Vancouver 2010 on the brain
A post called "The ABCs (Anybody But... Campaigns) of Team Canada" died on the drawing board. It is funny how a month of watching the playoffs can inculcate all sorts of pet prejudices about who shouldn't be tapped for the Olympic roster. If you were picking a first line of No Way guys, Roberto Luongo would be the goalie and the Washington Capitals' Mike Green and the Calgary Flames' Dion Phaneuf would be the defence pairing. Any three out of Joe Thornton and Patrick Marleau from San Jose and the Senators' Jason Spezza and Dany Heatley would make up the forward line. This is based on the way people seize on the perception of anything negative, less so cold hard fact.

(Seriously, though, Cam Ward as Canada's starter. What does everyone think?)

Pat Burns at peace ...

Pat Burns' interview with Hockey Night in Canada is probably worth a view on a lazy Sunday afternoon. His is an unlikely story, from police officer to Stanley Cup-winning coach. As a coach, he came off the way fans hoped they would if they ever got to coach a NHL team: Nasty, a little dictatorial, but sharp-tongued.

Meantime, on the hockey front, there are some pointed words for Don Cherry after his editorial reply to Alex Ovechkin's "hot stick" 50th goal celebration. At least Cherry's first rant had a point; this was all over the place.

Much obliged to crazieman76 for the video capturing.

Ovechkin is better without the Cherry

Picking on Don Cherry is too easy by half, but sometimes...

Moments ago we were treated to several shots of “soccer goofs” celebrating goals (at least they lead with a TFC goal...). This offends Don. It’s not the Canadian way to show joy, I guess. It’s best not to stand out.

Cherry used this rant to spin into a criticism of Alex Ovechkin. Cheery thinks he’s a bit too much like a “soccer goof” (The unspoken here, of course, being that Canadians don’t play soccer. They play soccer).

Somebody is gonna get him and somebody is gonna get him good. You just watch it...don’t you Canadian kids act like this.

Good God. Wouldn’t that just be great. Let’s hope that some talentless hack “gets” Ovechkin. That’ll stop him from having fun. Hopefully, he’ll stop being so damn entertaining. That’s what hockey needs. Less flair.



(deep breath)

Cherry is an old man. He’s stuck in his ways. But, he’s dead wrong about so much that it’s difficult to even comprehend just how out to lunch he is. It’s pretty much pointless to point out how idiotic this idea that a “real” player (i.e. Canadian) needs to be colourless. There is a saying about urination and weather patterns that comes to mind. But, what the hey.

The best thing to happen to the NHL in the last 10 years is Ovechkin. He plays the game with such joy and skill that it’s infectious. If the league is to ever overcome the fools that run it we’re going to need 25 more Ovechkins. The last thing it needs is for someone to “get” any of them.

Everyone loves the crusty old uncle that gets away with saying obscene things that would have been offensive in a frat house in 1972. But no one takes them seriously. Too many hockey people listen to the crusty uncle and continue to base the game's mores on his ramblings. Enough.

Hey Canadian kids, don’t be afraid to play the game outside of the rotten little box that Cherry and company are desperate to keep it in. Remember that the greatest Canadian players of all-time – including, ironically, Cherry’s hero Bobby Orr – played waaaaay outside that box. Gretzky, Lemieux, and Richard didn’t become legends by keeping their stick on the ice.

Exuberant celebration of goals isn’t what’s killing the game. Cherry is. It’s time all of us that care about the game to do what we need to do while standing against the wind.

Related: Yes, 'cause this is what's wrong with hockey

OVECHKIN'S KILLER CROSS-OVER JOKE

NHL Star Called Up To Big Leagues To Play For NFL Team

Well-played by The Onion.

OVECHKIN TAKEN INTO CONTEXT

James Mirtle, who always seems to be three thoughts ahead of everybody, notes that Alex Ovechkin is having one of the greatest goal-scoring seasons in NHL history.

Put it this way: Ovechkin, after scoring tonight, has 46 goals through 55 games for the Washington Capitals, whose average game has just less than six goals.

In comparison, remember Wayne Gretzky's record 92-goal season in 1981-82, the year he got 50 in 39 games? That was in an environment, so to speak, of almost nine goals per game. (There were 712 goals scored in the Edmonton Oilers' 80 games that season, 8.9 per game.)

Ovechkin is accounting for 14% of all goals in the Capitals games. Gretzky accounted for 13% in all goals scored in the '81-82 Oilers games. That was in era when top-end forwards played 28-30 minutes a game (Ovechkin averages 23 minutes a night), teams converted power plays at a much higher rate and a goalie with .890 save percentage got a ticket to the All-Star game instead of Grand Rapids.

Hopefully this puts what Ovechkin is doing is context; it's not meant to be definitive. Bottom line, so long as there's cats such as Mirtle out there, we'll get closer to understanding hockey stats a bit better. Speaking of cats, Pavel Bure's 2000-01 season, when he scored 29.5% of the Florida Panthers' goals (59 of 200), might be the most underappreciated goal-scoring season.

Related:
Ovechkin '08: One of the greatest goal-scoring seasons of all time? (Mirtle)

ALLARD: NO ETHER RAG FOR EDNA

Yeah, that's right: Edna Babblecock finally has a DSL connection, which means even more to share with Jean-Pierre Allard about the state of the Senators.

Hi! Edna here.

Forgive me for not having written a blog this season, but I've been bogged down with the 12,000-page tome from the Irish DeScent lad. You know, the former PM who caused all them Loonie and Toonie Stores (LTS) in the aftermath of his Fair Trade Deal. All I can say is that fella's got a huge bag of chips on his shoulder and he'd best stay clear from the Dominion Tavern, and The Whip establishment too.

You see, Hortense Hurtubise here at The Lodge was telling me there was no sense chronicling the daily perils of the Sennies now that they've had their victory parade for winning a big can of air last May over at O'Brien's Orifice down by all them bistros, bars and billiard halls on Elegant Street that are frequented by the community-minded members of the Red Armed Forces, most notably Wade Redden and André "Cool Breeze" Roy.

What's that you say, Mr. Roy is no longer here? She tells me the squeaky-clean Sens management ran out of patience and shipped him to Tampa in 2003 where he quickly won a Cup with Johnnie Tortorella and his two cousins Vinnie and Marty.

she was telling me that the Sens' official propaganda, the Ottawa Citizen, is doing a splendid job covering all angles of Ottawa's "dynasty-in-making" season, even being so kind as to have Wayne Scanlan alert the readership at the end of October that the Senators had a chance to eclipse the '76-77 Habs who only lost eight games that year.

That was before the Spineless Sennies were bowled over by Alex Ovechkin in four ridiculously easy affairs. Ottawa has now lost 12 times, putting on ice Yvon Lamberts plans for making a comeback with La Sainte Flanelle.

Now the entire city is on alert that the Capitals will sneak into the last playoff spot and have a date with Ottawa to see if they can do to them what the Leafs have only been good for so far in the first seven years of the new millennium.

That is a totally imbecile assumption on the part of the fans and media cheerleaders. Ottawa might need luck to stay in the top four of the Eastern Conference at the rate they've been playing, merely content with putting in 40 minutes of work. Especially with the way that Give It A-Wade Redden and Joe (Afraid It is So) Corvo are letting enemy attackers waltz in free and dandy on the Senators' No. 2 goalies, Martin Gerber and Ray Emery, and seeing that there are 36 gruesome games left, many of them without their 50-goal man Dany Heatley and maybe Jason Spezza too if he keeps skating with his head down while waiting for those suicide passes from Reds.

So get this, I found myself yelling at that insufferable Leafs fan Mr. Johnstone Apork one fine morning over breakfast that if I was boss of the Citizen hockey division, I'd report the news like my old friends Red Fisher from the Canada Gazette or Milt Dunnell from the Telegraphic Telegram were so good at doing in the good old days when Don Cherry played for Eddie Shore down where The Simpsons is filmed. I can't recall exactly the day of my little tantrum, but I do remember that it came after that Scanlan chap has the gall, if not sheer stupidity, to suggest that the Senators were on the verge of having a dynasty like the Habs and Oilers. I mean, don't you have to win a Cup, never mind 4-5 in a row, before they can call you that?

The good people of Ottawa need to read about Mike Fisher spending way more time in his hunting condo in Carp waiting for Godot than he does in the opposing team's crease, which is where he is freaking supposed to be with all the money they give him; that is, when he’s not skating too low like a kamikazying peewee which causes him to fall on his ass à la Rejean Houle, and which will soon earn him the monicker of “Fessier” Fisher (French derrière).

Like I was saying, if I was the boss lady of the Citizen sports, I'd sure have something to say about star captain Alfred Danielsson, after he revealed on a recent PPV broadcast that there's no flame burning in his belly for a Stanley Cup win and that he may choose to retire next year to go back to his native land to continue training his dog in retrieving Swedish meatless balls.

Or I'd call him plain dumb for skating like there was no tomorrow in that game that Spezza got clocked. Oh sure, it may have been deemed a brilliant and gut-wrenching performance by the usual media suspects but us old broads rather think that it was a really, really dumb thing to do, if not entirely comical. First off, it's not Game 7 and second, he risked injury by going after Andy Sutton and Mike Sillinger, when it should be Brian McGrattan's job, at a time when he wasn't sure how long his mate Spezza would be out. So we would all be at ease if Alfie thought of saving his energy for Captain Jarome Iginla's Flames next June, especially since he hurt his hip flexor the very next game.

Of course, his curious comment after the loss to the Caps two nights later speaks volumes about his mindset. Our brother Daniel said that a loss was a loss and that he didn't care that it came against the Caps. Excuse me, Mr. Sweet Swede but should you not be big time pissed that your mighty Sens have been swept four straight games by the otherwise hapless Caps?

That Isles game was rather ironic because, see, Gaylene over in Room 19 had the runs and missed the first 10 minutes of that game. The first thing she said when she came back was "Just watch, someone’s gonna send Spezza into Wonderland one of these days if he keeps floating with his head down" to which, to a tee, caused everyone of us old bags to spill our tea cups, before we could regain our cool and dry ourselves and inform her that Freddy Meyer IV had already struck gold when he flattened his nugget.

Now, to show that we are not just picking on the Senators, I don’t know if you were listening to the radio broadcast of the Sens-Wings like we were -- we always get giddy when Dean Brown yells "Scramble" without warning nor cause because we were once Roughriders cheerleaders see -- but during what seemed like the entire game, we could hear Felicity down the hall, screaming at Bob Cole. Apparently, Cole hadn’t bothered checking his Notes and, in his Herculean efforts to catch up with the play-by-play, was constantly referring to the Senators players as Ottawa this, Ottawa that and Ottawa here.

Now it just very well could be that Stevie Yzerman was in attendance and the Leafs broadcaster was simply honoring his hometown with continuous references to our city. Still, you have to wonder why Cole and Harry (Buffalo Bill) Neale have not been offered an early retirement package by now. Do the CBC folks not bother tuning in to the competition on TSN and Sportsnet?

Why, even the so-called unknowledgeable American play-by-play guys know the freaking Sens’ names, old man Tremblay was telling us at church the other morning, after his daughter bought him that economical Rogers Centre Hice Package out of guilt for never visiting him, though he’s a tad disappointed that he can never get his beloved Habs games in English because le Réseau Des Séparatistes (RDS) apparently has exclusive rights to all 82 Tricolore games.

By the way, I gotta give Gaylene some more credit. For years, she’s been adamant that Ottawa needs more players like Kris Draper and Dallas Drake than another sniper. So here comes that "measuring stick game" last Saturday that everyone from L’Orignal to Poonamalie was getting all giddy about and which, incidentally, left us all on our appetite as a tired Wings team was not up to snuff and obviously mired in a mini-slump, yet nearly escaped with a victory. And then everyone in this sleepy O-Town was quick to declare that Ottawa was "simply the best" of the two.

So what happens is that Mr. Heatley finds himself on the wrong end of a Dallas Drake moment and just like that, shoulders away to the bench with a major dislocation, kissing away his dream chance at scoring 50 goals three years in a row, which, curiously, was the first thing that coach John Paddock lamented about when he heard he would miss 4-6 weeks. And not how this would affect the team’s performance.

Gee, we're thinking even the coach doesn't have his ducks all lined up properly. And we're not even talking about him not having a clue when to play which goalie or how much to play Brian McGrattan or who to put on the first line instead of Randy Robitaille or why Antoine Vermette is not playing on the power play so he can score like we all know he can or how come Reds is getting slower with every game or where Shean Donavan and his seven points have been all season.

Just like the Senators have no clue how to respect their ticket subscribers. Imagine, Darquise went to Freeman’s last week to see about securing 12 tickets for her great grand son, Zak and his friends from Desolation Row. But she was told by a nice young man in red that she would have to buy an equal number and value of tickets for either a Buffalo or Florida game, if she wanted to see Pittsburgh (and continue to boo Sidney Crosby), Montréal (or see how Spartacat can insult Bob Gainey's family this year) or Toronto (and witness John Ferguson Jr. get dismissed at centre ice in a dunk tank filled with clean water from the Carp River).

Needless to say that she was livid because Zak told her she would have made her money back and then some. She said that if they're gonna continue to snooker their fans with fine print snow jobs, they should at the very least have the decency of handing out free reading glasses to all patrons at the games in question to enable them to read the fine print the next time the Ottawa Senators take them to the cleaners.

Which would be, other than this year's playoffs, the June 2008 NHL draft to be held at Scotiabank Place. Rumours persist that for the occasion, the Senators will be borrowing a page from their 1-for-2 deal mentioned above and force all fans who want to buy a ticket to the draft to also purchase 2008 season tickets to the Ottawa Maple Leafs, the new CAN-AM entry that is to begin play in May 2008 at Darwin Downs.

Jean-Pierre Allard
Ottawa, Ontario
January 18, 2008

HEAD AND SHOULDERS ABOVE THE REST

A $100-million contract for Alex Ovechkin? He's finally going to be able to afford to wash his hair every day.

Sorry, the joke was just begging to be made. He's a scraggly character, that Ovechkin.

TANK ROLLING TO MIAMI

There's bound to be a debate over Chicago Bears defensive tackle Tank Johnson being allowed to travel to play in the Super Bowl while he's up on felony gun-possession charges.

Imagine what the reactionaries on sports radio shows (especially the syndicated programs from teh U.S. that air in Canada late at night) are going to say. You can probably count on some rant about how playing in the Super Bowl is a privilege, and Johnson forfeited that privilege when he was arrested last month on six counts of possessing an unlicensed gun while already on probation over a 2005 incident. Under due process, though, there's really nothing that can be done to keep Johnson from travelling within the United States as part of the work, so end of story.

There'll still be some ranting, since the story about Michael Vick being detained at the airport is getting staler than a three-day-old bagel since it turns out he didn't have any weed.

OTHER BUSINESS

• A hockey card store in Kingston was robbed of autographed sweaters from Sidney Crosby, Alex Ovechkin and Bobby Orr -- valued at $4,000 Cdn. Damn.

That's all for now. Send your thoughts to neatesager@yahoo.ca.

HOCKEY LAST NIGHT: CROSBY TOPS A.O.

We could have had this last night, but noooooooooooo, someone wanted to stay up till 3:30 a.m. addressing Christmas cards.

Penguins 5 Capitals 4 (shootout): The league got the ideal kind of game for a Sidney Crosby-Alex Ovechkin matchup, as the Cole Harbour Comet helped the BlackBerries overcome a 4-0 deficit to win in a shootout. Marc-Andre Fleury made four saves in overtime just to get the BlackBerries, improbably enough, into a shootout.

By the way, that siren at the Verizon Center is my kind of my toy.

NHL Scoreboard

Blues can Mike Kitchen, hire Andy Murray: Pretty much everyone can agree that Mike Kitchen deserved a better fate, not unlike Trent Yawney in Chicago. James Mirtle has a good take: "Team president John Davidson, the broadcaster-turned-teambuilder extraordinaire, said last week that it was 'senseless to make comments on coaching in any direction at any time,' but it wasn't hard to see the writing on the wall.

"(It said MIH ERIF.)"

Note: Don't be slicing your morning grapefruit when you read that, or you will literally be in stitches. I very nearly found out the hard way.

Good on Andy Murray -- he's back behind the bench and he'll still be free this spring to trade witticisms with Rod Black in the TSN studio during the World Championship. Best of both worlds, friends.

Sens on pay-per-view: No real opinion here one way or the other, but anyone who's catching Glenn Kulka and Lee Versage twisting themselves into pretzels to justify the Sens' semi-cash grab will have a hard time saying that a good portion of the Ottawa media aren't waving Senators pom-poms most of the time. Kulka is setting a record for a host referring to the local team as "we."

Tonight's better games: Sabres-Devils, 7 p.m., Bruins-Habs, 7 p.m., Lightning-Leafs, 7 p.m., Oilers-Predators, 8 p.m., Wild-Flames, 9 p.m.

That's all for now. Send your thoughts to neatesager@yahoo.ca.

HOCKEY LAST NIGHT: GOODBYE, COLUMBUS

Quickly, now:

Blue Jackets 6 Senators 2: Did you ever think you'd see the day when the Sens would lose 6-2 to Columbus? Martin Gerber (AKA Martin Garbage) got the mercy pull after giving up four goals on 13 shots, by which time it was clear his teammates were more interested in tracking down Ohio State's Troy Smith after the game and getting a picture with him and the Heisman Trophy than actually playing.

NHL scoreboard

Tonight's only game worth talking about: Alex Ovechkin vs. Sid the Kid, 7 p.m. in Washington

HOMETOWN BREAKDOWN

Some would call call the Kingston Frontenacs' 5-4 setback last night against the Kitchener Rangers a "quality loss," since the Rangers are the hottest team in the OHL and the Fronts were playing their first game without Chris Stewart, who's at the national junior team selection camp. Then again, that red-hot team was at the end of a stretch where it's played 15 games in 31 days, and Kitchener also started a rookie goalie, Charles Lavigne, so the Rangers might've been ripe for the taking.

This loss can be soon forgotten if the Fronts get no less than five of a possible six points out of the remaining games before the holidays -- a home-and-home with Belleville, followed by the Ottawa 67's visit Sunday. Of course, this being junior hockey, you can't count on any team around this time of year.

That's all for now. Send your thoughts to neatesager@yahoo.ca.

HOCKEY LAST NIGHT: CAPITAL PAIN; ALEX CALLS FOR ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT

The most worrisome aspect of the Ottawa Senators' latest collapse -- coming from ahead to lose 4-3 to the Washington Capitals -- is this quote the Washington Times attributed to Alex Ovechkin, who said the Sens were laughing and joking after they got up three goals in the first period:

"It looked like their (attitude) wasn't very good," the Times quoted Afleet Alex. "That got us angry."

When the sub-.500 Sens let up on the first game of a long road trip, that's a troubling sign. It's one thing to lose -- Washington's still a member of the NHL in good standing and so long as they have Ovechkin, they have a chance every night. It's only 13 games in, barely 15% of the schedule, but it should be troubling to Senators fans that their team apparently acted like the game was in the bag. That would not have been the case last year, when the Sens had more blowouts than a NASCAR race.

Anyway, it's all in how you perceive it: The Sens have a better goal differential (+6) than the Leafs and several other Eastern teams that are playing .500 hockey or better, but one knows better than to preach patience to an Ottawa fan, even in early November.

Leafs 4 Flyers 1: Let's hold off on planning the Stanley Cup parade until the Leafs can not get outshot 17-3 in a period by the worst team in the league, shall we? Yes, that actually happened last night, and the Leafs still won, thanks to Andrew Raycroft stopping 40 saves and Nik Antropov, perhaps inspired by his fictional Kazakh countryman Borat, having a good game. Nii-ice.

Canucks 2 Stars 1: While Raycroft was both lucky and good, his one-time backup with the Kingston Frontenacs, Mike Smith, was merely good -- he ended up with his first NHL loss after Taylor Pyatt scored the game-winner for Vancouver with 45 seconds left.

Ducks 3 Penguins 2 (OT): Teemu Selanne's overtime goal allowed Anaheim to equal the '84-85 Oilers for the longest point streak to start a season -- 15 straight games. Of course, the Oilers did it in an era of no shootouts and 5-on-5 overtime. By the way, Sidney Crosby hasn't had a shot on goal in three games.

Thrashers 5 Bruins 3: The kind of game Gary Bettman dreams of -- which is to say seven of the eight goals came on special teams. Ilya Kovalchuk buried three of them for the Thrashers.

Lightning 5 Islanders 1: Just as Ricky Bobby was contractually obligated to mention Powerade in every prayer, we're obliged to point out that Rick DiPietro and his 15-year contract were on the bench again last night.

That's all for now. Send your thoughts to neatesager@yahoo.ca.

HOCKEY LAST NIGHT: LIFE WITH EDDIE, AND SABRES DON'T GO TO 11

Hockey blogger par excellence James Mirtle was first to this: Ed Belfour, currently of the Florida Panthers, formerly of the Leafs and always of whatever bar is open, apparently got a little loud while out on the town after a 2-0 loss in New Jersey on Thursday, according to a Palm Beach Post story.

Not to piggyback on James' work, but it's hard to pass up a chance to run a drunk pic of Belfour that's been on my hard drive since 2002.

Florida's other goalie, Alex Auld, ended up needing stitches in his head after some horseplay at the hotel; Belfour claims his teammate slipped on the marble floor. Hey, I understand; who among us doesn't have occasional issues with marble floors?

Bruins 2 Sens 1: Talk about your ready-made storylines -- Zdeno Chara scores the game-winner in his first regular-season game against his old team, and didn't you notice that on the play, the Sens defence pair let two Bruins stand in front of the net and block Martin Gerber's view?

The score probably flattered Boston -- Tim Thomas was sharp in goal, making a big save on Jason Spezza midway through the game. A ghastly giveaway by Tom Preissing practically handed Boston their first goal. For the Sens, this was probably one of those 12-15 games a season you lose in spite of yourself.

Leafs 5 Habs 4 (shootout): And for the Leafs, it was one of those 12-15 games a season you win in spite of yourself. Sorry, the joke is just too obvious on a night when the Leafs were about as careful with the puck as Paris Hilton is with money. J.S. Aubin got hung out to dry on a couple goals, but in the shootout, with no defenceman to screen him or give the puck away, he stopped six straight Canadiens shooters. Habs goalie David Aebischer (47 saves) ended up the hard-luck loser after Kyle Wellwood slipped home the shootout winner.

Thrashers 5 Sabres 4 (shootout): Kari Lehtonen and Atlanta deny the Sabres their bid for the first 11-0 start in the league history. Lehtonen's now 7-2 in shootouts. OK, that's why Thrashers coach Bob Hartley pulled Johan Hedberg and put him in for the shootout the other night.

Pens 8 Flyers 2: Dominic Moore -- brother of Steve and Mark Moore, who both had to give up the game far too early due to injuries -- scored his first goal in a Pittsburgh uniform. That's what all the fuss should be over, not Sidney Crosby getting his first NHL hat trick, heh-heh-heh.

Derian Hatcher, who had his pocket picked on one of the Cole Harbour Comet's goals, is now minus-14 on the season.

Ducks 3 Blackhawks 0: Geez, injury-riddled Chicago managed only 14 shots on Ilya Bryzgalov, including just three in the final period. Anaheim's quietly started 8-0-3 . The record for longest unbeaten streak to start the season is 15 games, set by one of the mid-'80s Edmonton teams.

Oilers 4 Capitals 0: Dwayne Roloson notched one of the night's three shutouts (sounds like pre-lockout hockey), facing a mere 19 shots. Edmonton just kept it simple and got out of there with a win. Edmonton fans will have to wait till 2009-10 to see Alex Ovechkin again.

Back with more later. Send your thoughts to neatesager@yahoo.ca.

HOCKEY'S HERE: WASHINGTON CAPITALS

It's time to air out your gear, sharpen your skates and tape your stick -- it’s hockey season. Sure, your team flat-out ached last season, but there's hope, unless you're an Islanders fan. In that spirit, Out of Left Field offers looks at all 30 NHL teams. Presenting: The Washington Capitals.

Last season: 70 points, last in Southeast Division; missed playoffs
Coach: Glen Hanlon (3rd season)
Young gun not named Alex Ovechkin: Alexander Semin
Store this name away: Eric Fehr
Hey, get a load of the new guys: Brian Pothier, Richard Zednik (second stint in Washington)
Blogs (including but not limited to): D.C. Sports Chick, Bleatings from a Caps Nut, Japers' Rink, Off Wing Opinion
Pop culture moment: Hmmm.... did the Murphy Brown gang ever mention the Capitals specifically? Can't remember.

Hey, see that Ovechkin kid hit a hole-in-one on his first day of playing golf? It doesn't take a great wit to say, "Normally, the Capitals don't hit the golf course until April."

There's a soft spot for the Capitals here, since their owner, Ted Leonsis, is very cool with the blogging thing (hat tip to D.C. Sports Chick), and they were my franchise on NHL 96 for Super Nintendo. (Why them, and not the Leafs? Because you could put a bunch of superstars on the Capitals -- like a high-scoring left wing named "Neate Sager" -- without fundamentally aletering the complexion of the team. But I digress.)

The Caps have the letter "O" taken care of -- as in Ovechkin and the ageless Olie the Goalie, Olaf Kolzig -- but it's the rest of the alphabet, specifically the letter "D," that's proving the bane of their existence. Try 300 goals against last season. At least Hanlon can relate to what his goalies are going through, since he played for some pretty stinky teams in his days as a journeyman goalie back in the '80s.

For Washington this year, it's all about whether or not there is genuine rebuilding taking place in the second full season since a management-dictated salary purge in 2003-04. Their AHL affiliate in Hershey went to the league final last season, so there is some developing talent in the organization beyond the two Russian Alexes.

Just like Sidney Crosby's Penguins, the Capitals will probably be fun to watch since they'll play a lot of 6-4 and 6-5 games, with Ovechkin pulling off some sick move on every second or third shift. But a playoff spot? Absolutely out of the question.

Also in Southeast Division: Atlanta Thrashers, Carolina Hurricanes, Florida Panthers, Tampa Bay Lightning

Back with more later. Send your thoughts to neatesager@yahoo.ca

MALKIN IS ONLY 20 YEARS OLD, IN CASE YOU'VE FORGOTTEN

It seems the media doth protest a little too much over the Evgeni Malkin debacle. (Scott Burnside, the fine ESPN.com hockey writer, has a piece that's a fairly good example.) The more we learn about this, it seems less the cloak-and-dagger stuff of a John le Carré spy novel and more about a confused 20-year-old being treated like a bird on the wire.

James Mirtle nails it by pointing out that this should make Malkin more of a sympathetic figure. Mirtle also notes that Malkin's relatively humble beginnings are a big, hidden part of this story:

Unlike his close friend Alex Ovechkin, who is from Moscow and whose parents were both famed athletes (his mother won two Olympic gold medals as a basketball player and his father was a professional soccer player), Malkin is from humble beginnings. I believe his father was a small shopkeeper in Magnitogorsk, and that the family struggled to make ends meet during some of the tougher times of the country’s decline.

... one can’t help but see these differences between Ovechkin and Malkin, and how easy it was for one to escape his homeland, and how the experience was the exact opposite for the other.

...You can call it status or whatever you like, but the deck was certainly stacked much more heavily against Malkin than his now-famed pal.

You could say this might be lost on many hockey writers, who don't have as much experience with athletes from lower-class backgrounds as the men and women who cover the NBA, NFL and major-league baseball. It hadn't occurred to me at all, I have to admit.

OTHER BUSINESS

• Eric Hinske is already a Fenway Park folk hero. He just doubled in his first at-bat for the Red Sox in the opener of that five-game series against the Yankees that you might have heard about.
• SI.com baseball writer John Donovan has a column up slugged, "Hold off on those (Derek) Jeter-(David) Ortiz debates. Don't overlook the AL MVP race's forgotten star." Before you can say, "Great! The media's realized there are 12 other teams in the American League!" it turns out Donovan is writing about Red Sox slugger Manny Ramírez.
• It is justified, though. Hardball Times' latest update has Jeter, ManRam and Twins catcher Joe Mauer in a three-way tie for the AL lead with 22 Win Shares. (Ortiz has 19.) For Win Shares Above Bench, the lead is shared by those same three guys and White Sox DH Jim Thome. Each has 14, one more than Ortiz. The feeling here is that if the votes were tabulated today, Jeter might win it as a kind of Lifetime Achievement Award, but he would also a pick most fans could accept.
• Hometown breakdown note: Jim Hulton, former head coach of the surging tide that is the Kingston Frontenacs, is trying is hand at university hockey with the hometown Royal Military College Paladins.

That's all for now. Send your thoughts to neatesager@yahoo.ca.

A DIFFERENT TYPE OF SPORTS NERD

Ah, "Diorama-Rama." My favourite school event next to "Hearing-Test Thursday."

For this sportsfan, the feeling that comes the day after the final game of the Stanley Cup playoffs comes only three times a year.

The other two are the day after Evil Empire 1 gets eliminated from the baseball post-season and the day after the University of New Jersey at Durham Floorslappers and their smirking rat-faced coach make their ignominious exit from the NCAA men's basketball tournament.

That's hatred of a seasonal kind which gets packed away until the following March in both cases. This is all about love, friends. Finally, after all those nights across an unnecessarily long season, sitting up spleen-venting over what the latest calumny Ron MacLean, John Ferguson Jr. or Damien Cox committed, or the Leafs' predictable power play, or the state of denial Ottawa Senators fans live in, there's freedom from hockey for a couple months.

If, as a W.P. Kinsella character once mused, freedom of religion also encompasses freedom from religion, well, loving a sport means being able to take a break once in a while.

There's still the awards show on Thursday and the draft this weekend, but only the completely hockey nerds care about that, and yours truly is not part of their milieu. Trust me. The few times I've been in a press box, the local press has always made me feel about as welcome as Michael Moore at the Ford Motor Company picnic.

Crosby, Ovechkin or Phaneuf for the Calder? Fax that back to mid-April. The Leafs could spend their first three draft picks on Avril Lavigne ("She's a little undersized, but she's tough in the corners"), the eighth runner-up from last year's Canadian Idol and the goalie for the fifth-place team in the Kingston high school league, and I wouldn't give a damn.

Besides, does a hockey nerd stay up until 3:30 a.m. to finishing reading David Maraniss' biography of Roberto Clemente, who was a peerless baseball player but as far as we know, never put on a pair of skates? No. That's a different type of sports nerd entirely.

The NHL's already stolen enough of the summer already. Who's going to win the World Cup? (Sweden vs. England at 3 p.m.) So, can the Mavs come back and win the NBA Finals? Can the Jays actually win in an interleague game in a National League park?

Everything in its time and place. It's almost time to start wondering how my Vikings are going to disappoint me this NFL season, but that can wait another month or so.

OTHER BUSINESS

• Sweden-England at 3 p.m. Is it just me, or is Henrik Larsson a little like the Leafs' Mats Sundin? Past their prime, still good, haven't won the big one, and always get blamed since they can't pick up the slack for less talented teammates? Or am I just flitting around with my gob open as a soccer dilettante?
• My friend Neil Acharya caught this from the Stanley Cup presentation: "Did you notice that Rod Brind'Amour didn't shake Gary Bettman's hand? Maybe my eyes deceived me, but that's what I think I saw." If that's what happened, we both saw: Good on ya, Rod.
• Well, it's not every day a Canadian university hockey team loses its coach to the NHL: Kirk Muller is leaving the Queen's Golden Gaels to become an assistant coach with Les Canadiens. Apparently, guiding my alma mater's team to eight wins in 24 games showed he was ready for the big time. So it goes for the Gaels. They finally do something to create a buzz around the program by hiring a hometown NHLer, and he leaves after only one year.
• Greg Hughes had a postscript emotion on the final: "If this series could find redemption for Markannen, pulverize Doug Weight's shoulder and see a Southern Strategy team win the Cup again, maybe there's hope for the Leafs someday."
• More great moments in baseball: Two days in a row, the Cincinnati Reds were involved in a busted suicide squeeze that resulted in an unassisted double play. Last night's against the Mets was classic. Orlando Hernandez caught Bronson Arroyo's bunt and Reds baserunner Brandon Phillips, who was about 10 feet from crossing home plate, was a dead duck. So Phillips backed up as Hernandez blocked the base line. Then he tried to use the umpire as a pick, got called out for leaving the base path, and was tagged by Hernandez. El Duque then flipped the ball to Phillips, who had a wide smile on his face.
• Last but not least, a Simpsons skewering of bitter sportsfans. Here, the family attends a Springfield Isotopes minor-league baseball game:
  
  

  Homer: "Stupid Isotopes. Hurry up and lose so we can get outta here!"
  Lisa: "Why do you hate the Isotopes so much, Dad?"
  Homer: "I loved them once and they broke my heart. Let that be a lesson to you, sweetie. Never love anything."
  Lisa: "Even you?"
  Homer: "Especially me."
  Bart: "But you gotta support the team, Dad! They're already threatening to move to Moose Jaw!"

That's all for now. Send your thoughts to neatesager@yahoo.ca. We'll see you around the bend, Number Two.