A DIFFERENT TYPE OF SPORTS NERD

Ah, "Diorama-Rama." My favourite school event next to "Hearing-Test Thursday."

For this sportsfan, the feeling that comes the day after the final game of the Stanley Cup playoffs comes only three times a year.

The other two are the day after Evil Empire 1 gets eliminated from the baseball post-season and the day after the University of New Jersey at Durham Floorslappers and their smirking rat-faced coach make their ignominious exit from the NCAA men's basketball tournament.

That's hatred of a seasonal kind which gets packed away until the following March in both cases. This is all about love, friends. Finally, after all those nights across an unnecessarily long season, sitting up spleen-venting over what the latest calumny Ron MacLean, John Ferguson Jr. or Damien Cox committed, or the Leafs' predictable power play, or the state of denial Ottawa Senators fans live in, there's freedom from hockey for a couple months.

If, as a W.P. Kinsella character once mused, freedom of religion also encompasses freedom from religion, well, loving a sport means being able to take a break once in a while.

There's still the awards show on Thursday and the draft this weekend, but only the completely hockey nerds care about that, and yours truly is not part of their milieu. Trust me. The few times I've been in a press box, the local press has always made me feel about as welcome as Michael Moore at the Ford Motor Company picnic.

Crosby, Ovechkin or Phaneuf for the Calder? Fax that back to mid-April. The Leafs could spend their first three draft picks on Avril Lavigne ("She's a little undersized, but she's tough in the corners"), the eighth runner-up from last year's Canadian Idol and the goalie for the fifth-place team in the Kingston high school league, and I wouldn't give a damn.

Besides, does a hockey nerd stay up until 3:30 a.m. to finishing reading David Maraniss' biography of Roberto Clemente, who was a peerless baseball player but as far as we know, never put on a pair of skates? No. That's a different type of sports nerd entirely.

The NHL's already stolen enough of the summer already. Who's going to win the World Cup? (Sweden vs. England at 3 p.m.) So, can the Mavs come back and win the NBA Finals? Can the Jays actually win in an interleague game in a National League park?

Everything in its time and place. It's almost time to start wondering how my Vikings are going to disappoint me this NFL season, but that can wait another month or so.

OTHER BUSINESS

• Sweden-England at 3 p.m. Is it just me, or is Henrik Larsson a little like the Leafs' Mats Sundin? Past their prime, still good, haven't won the big one, and always get blamed since they can't pick up the slack for less talented teammates? Or am I just flitting around with my gob open as a soccer dilettante?
• My friend Neil Acharya caught this from the Stanley Cup presentation: "Did you notice that Rod Brind'Amour didn't shake Gary Bettman's hand? Maybe my eyes deceived me, but that's what I think I saw." If that's what happened, we both saw: Good on ya, Rod.
• Well, it's not every day a Canadian university hockey team loses its coach to the NHL: Kirk Muller is leaving the Queen's Golden Gaels to become an assistant coach with Les Canadiens. Apparently, guiding my alma mater's team to eight wins in 24 games showed he was ready for the big time. So it goes for the Gaels. They finally do something to create a buzz around the program by hiring a hometown NHLer, and he leaves after only one year.
• Greg Hughes had a postscript emotion on the final: "If this series could find redemption for Markannen, pulverize Doug Weight's shoulder and see a Southern Strategy team win the Cup again, maybe there's hope for the Leafs someday."
• More great moments in baseball: Two days in a row, the Cincinnati Reds were involved in a busted suicide squeeze that resulted in an unassisted double play. Last night's against the Mets was classic. Orlando Hernandez caught Bronson Arroyo's bunt and Reds baserunner Brandon Phillips, who was about 10 feet from crossing home plate, was a dead duck. So Phillips backed up as Hernandez blocked the base line. Then he tried to use the umpire as a pick, got called out for leaving the base path, and was tagged by Hernandez. El Duque then flipped the ball to Phillips, who had a wide smile on his face.
• Last but not least, a Simpsons skewering of bitter sportsfans. Here, the family attends a Springfield Isotopes minor-league baseball game:
  
  

  Homer: "Stupid Isotopes. Hurry up and lose so we can get outta here!"
  Lisa: "Why do you hate the Isotopes so much, Dad?"
  Homer: "I loved them once and they broke my heart. Let that be a lesson to you, sweetie. Never love anything."
  Lisa: "Even you?"
  Homer: "Especially me."
  Bart: "But you gotta support the team, Dad! They're already threatening to move to Moose Jaw!"

That's all for now. Send your thoughts to neatesager@yahoo.ca. We'll see you around the bend, Number Two.