BATTER UP: TEXAS RANGERS

Counting down the seconds till Opening Day when life begins anew involves providing a "starting nine" for all 29 major-league teams, and if there's time, the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. Presenting: The Texas Rangers.

1. Well, considering who their former managing partner was, it's not surprising: Not unlike President George W. Bush, the Rangers have been underachievers as long as anyone can remember. Unfortunately for the ballclub, people expect more from sports teams than politicians, so Rangers fans (and stop thinking there aren't any in Texas!) are itching for a contender.
   
   The Rangers were fourth in the league in runs scored and a solid (for them) eighth in earned-run average. All that added up to was a losing record, 80-82.
   
   Their run differential suggested they deserved better. Under new manager Ron Washington, it might happen.
2. Rejecting corporatism: As of last Monday, the team's stadium is simply Rangers Ballpark in Arlington -- still a mouthful, but an improvement. Of course, this will be a short-lived oasis before some other company stuffs money up the franchise's collective arse.
3. Sammy Sosa might actually make the team: The shamed slugger (pictured) has been smoking some long dingers in spring training, which looks good on the TV highlights, but it's more a case of just being a dead-red fastball hitter. Let's see what Corky Nohablaingles will do when they start throwing exploding sliders and knee-buckling curveballs.
4. They might actually be able to pitch: The rap on the Rangers since time immemorial (i.e., their first season in Texas in 1972) has been pitching. There's actually potential. Kevin Millwood and Vicente Padilla give serviceable, nothing-special performances almost every time out; they're to pitching what Rod Black is to broadcasting in Canada, and that's meant in the nicest way possible. Brandon McCarthy was blocked with the White Sox, but is now going to cut loose.
   
   Of course, Canada's own Éric Gagné is pitching without pain. The other two main guys out in the bullpen, Akinori Otsuka and Wes Littleton (0.99 WHIP in '06), were impressive last season, although relief pitchers' performance is especially tough to predict.
5. Texans love to recycle: Sosa started his career in the Texas organization before he was traded to acquire two partial seasons of Harold Baines -- but don't worry, it was the last time one of Bush's cronies did something that revealed their total idiocy.
   
   Now Sosa is back in Texas, a mere 583 home runs later. Ex-Jays outfielder Frank Catalanotto is also getting a second go-round in Texas. Over the years, the Rangers have a number of standouts come back for a second or third tour of duty: Rafael Palmeiro, Ruben Sierra, Kenny Rogers.
6. Retro Cool Ranger: One could focus on any number of things with Toby Harrah (middle infielder, 1972-78, '85-86). He was one of sports' all-time greatest palindromes (somewhere between hockey's Joel Otto and the old Oakland Raiders centre Jim Otto). He was an on-base machine, finishing in the top 10 in the AL in OBP six times in his career, including 1985, when he put up a mind-bending .432 in his last season as a full-time player. Not only that, but according to former Rangers beat writer Mike Shropshire's book Seasons In Hell, one Sunday at Tigers Stadium, he played nine innings at shortstop with congealed vomit in his hair.
7. Well, he is the Gambler: When Kenny Rogers was a rookie reliever for the Rangers in 1989, Blue Jays TV announcer Don Chevrier deadpanned, "He's going to put down the guitar and come in to pitch." Talk about a bringdown for a 12-year-old Jays fan when it turned out there was another Kenny Rogers!
8. Hey, it's the 2000 Blue Jays: The Rangers are awfully reminiscent of the Jays teams from 7-8 years ago for reasons that go beyond hitting lots of home runs, having dodgy pitching and wearing the sleeveless white jersey/blue undershirt combo at home. In 2000, the Jays were actually contending in June when then-GM Gord Ash (who wasn't as bad as people thought he was) made a certifiably batshit trade, sending the Rangers their present-day shortstop Michael Young (then in Double A) in exchange for Esteban Loiaza, whom Jays fans soon dubbed Lose-iza.
   
   Could anyone have known Young, who was hitting .275/.340/.426 at the time of the trade, would become the guy who's averaged 107 runs and 219 hits across the past four years? Probably not, but the Jays should have known that there's an awful lot of good middle infielders are given away by their original teams (see Sandberg, Ryne), and tried to avoid the potential for repeating that history. Young's a star in Texas now, and the Jays have been looking for a shortstop ever since. What's Manny Lee doing these days?
9. Need-to-know: The Rangers probably get lumped in with all the teams who aren't expected to change much -- they'll hit plenty of Texas-sized homers, but they can't pitch or play defence and will finish third again. Truth be known, some of the tweaks the Rangers made with their lineup -- bringing 400 at bat-types such as Catalanotto, Kenny Lofton and Marlon Byrd for the outfield to join former Expo Brad Wilkerson, another platoon guy -- will help if Washington can portion out the plate appearances accordingly.
   
   Believe it or not, Texas is starting to resemble a NL team, but in a good way. The starting infield of Hank Blalock (who's looking for a bounce-back year), Ian Kinsler, Michael Young and Mark Teixeira are also their best hitters, so like some NL teams they only need slightly above-average hitting from their outfielders. If the pitching holds up, the Rangers could stick around in the playoff race until the final week of September.

That's all for now. Send your thoughts to neatesager@yahoo.ca.