BATTER UP: CHICAGO WHITE SOX

Counting down the seconds till Opening Day, when life begins anew, involves a "starting nine" of obscure trivia, fun facts, high points and low moments for all 29 major-league teams, and the Devil Rays too! Presenting: The Chicago White Sox -- and it will be free of references to various times when they tanked the World Series, adopted a Journey tune as a fight song, and had their plan to blow up disco records between games of a doubleheader go horribly asunder, resulting in a forfeit. (Hey, it's not like they planned on winning the game!)

1. They wore shorts in the '70s. The Chisox experiment with short pants was dropped not long after George Brett called them "the sweetest team we ever played."
2. They love old guys. The Sox let a 58-year-old Minnie Minoso pinch-hit a few times in 1980, so he could become baseball's first five-decade major leaguer, and they wanted to let him try for six in 1993 -- when they had a 45-year-old Carlton Fisk catching.
3. Leadoff man Scott Podsednik's (pictured, shown meeting someone named Julie Dove) greatest athletic feat? Contrary to what you may think, it wasn't hitting a walk-off homer in the '05 World Series after failing to go yard all season or dating Playboy Playmate Julie Dergan for a ballplayer who probably gets mistaken for the White Sox's 21-year-old public relations intern.
   
   Back in the early, early days of Deadspin, a reader reported that Podsednik once entered a Chitown bar with a woman (possibly Dergan). She decamped to the women's washroom; in the time she was gone, he slammed down six domestic beers -- and then masked it by ordering a microbrew just before she got back. That is truly awesome.

4. The White Sox are 29-25 vs. the Cubs in interleague play. Let's not go into what it says about some about the inferiority complex of White Sox fans that they're actually proud their team can beat the Cubs just slightly more than half the time. Is there any other fan base in pro sports who obsesses over beating a rival team who's gone decades without winning a championship? By the way, who are the Ottawa Senators playing tonight?
   
   It is no surprise that on the section of the Sox Wikipedia page on rivalries, there's a note that "the neutrality of this section is disputed."
5. The Sox have inspired more comedy material than Second City. After infielder Jorge Orta dropped a pop-up in the '70s, announcer Harry Caray summed up decades of Southsider frustration by moaning, "How could he lose the ball in the sun -- he's from Mexico!" Steve Stone, a pitcher during that period, summed up one of his seasons by saying, "In 1977 I won 15 games despite playing with Alan Bannister, who made 40 errors at shortstop, Eric Soderholm, who had limited range at third, and Ralph Garr, who could have played the entire game in left without a glove without anyone knowing the difference."
6. Get to know Gio: The most intriguing pitching prospect (if not the best) the White Sox have is 21-year-old left-hander Gio Gonzalez, who for a time last fall seemed destined to play in Ottawa. The Sox traded Gonzalez to the Phillies (the Lynx' new major-league parent), then gave up 17-game winner Freddy Garcia to get him back.

7. Retro Cool Sox: Gotta go with Dick Allen, the badassed slugger who won the American League MVP in 1972 -- hitting 27 of his 37 homers at home at the original Comiskey, which was generally regarded as a terrible hitter's park. Allen battled with managers and teammates throughout his career and was termed a malcontent, which ultimately shortened what would have been a Hall of Fame career.
8. It could get ugly. Let's see: Manager Ozzie Guillen kind of carries himself like a Real World cast member sometimes, there's some frustrating over "only" winning 90 games last year and two key cogs, lefty starter Mark Buehrle and right-fielder Jermaine Dye, are in their walk years. A sputtering start could cause the whole house o' weenies to cave in, which would suck for Sox fans, but be great fun for everyone else.
9. Need-to-know about the Sox: Strong lineup, but the starting pitching that was sterling during the World Series year is in flux. Buehrle -- this generation's Jimmy Key posted a nearly 5-something ERA in '06 and Jose Contreras' ERA was above 5.00 in the second half, although you had to know he would crash hard after having a 17-game win streak.
   
   If this season goes badly, former Expos star Javier Vazquez could end up being scapegoated. Who knows, maybe actually starting a season with the same team he pitched for last year will help. The bullpen could blow sky-high as well. Between their lineup and a strong bench (which Hardball Times ranks as the second-best in the majors), the White Sox should score a ton of runs, and contend for the playoffs. If they're something like 41-48 around the All-Star break, forget you ever read that.

That's all for now. Send your thoughts to neatesager@yahoo.ca.