THANKS TO T-EMO, THE COWBOYS ARE ONCE AGAIN AMERICA'S TEAM

Hey, why do all these psychologists have so much time to call into the Jim Rome show?

It's almost impossible not to find some humour in Terrell Owens' apparent suicide attempt. Yours truly isn't here to say that's sick or sad; in the parlance of our time, it is what it is.

If you heard Dallas coach Bill "I'm Trying To Get This Team Ready To Play Tennessee" Parcells just now, it might not be that serious.

There isn't much more original that can be added at this point, other than to say that "T-Emo," suicidal or not, kind of points up the sorry state of American manliness.

The Dallas Cowboys got to be America's Team thanks to the spirit of stars such as Dandy Don Meredith and Roger Staubach, and supporting players such as Walt Garrison. They personified that American spirit later bastardized by action movies: being tough in the face of a tough job, but keeping their sense of humour, which was necessary when you played for the great stone-faced coach, Tom Landry. Landry was as a World War II bomber pilot, part of the Greatest Generation.

(It's no coincidence that two of the better books ever written by athletes, Pete Gent's North Dallas Forty and Pat Toomay's The Crunch, were both penned by Cowboys players.)

In the '90s, the Cowboys were Jimmy Johnson proclaiming victory ("Put it in three-inch-high letters: 'We Will Win' ") before a playoff game and Michael Irvin getting busted for cocaine and saying to the cops, "Can I tell you who I am?" Not to go all Colbert Report, but they reflected swaggering Mega-American manliness, doing whatever they wanted, when they wanted.

Now guys Stateside -- and this is creeping into Canada too -- have to be in touch with their feelings. Like Dallas' weepy wide receiver, they need constant validation or they just go to pieces. (Yours truly: guilty as charged, sometimes.) There's pockets of resistance to this, especially in sports, where guys can still be guys. It's for the better that we're addressing why so so many men are emotionally stunted, but it's a shock to the system.

Hollywood can't find an American to play a movie tough guy anymore -- that job has to go to a Brit -- think Jason Statham -- or an Australian, like Russell Crowe. Yes, swaggering Mega-American manliness has been outsourced.

T-Emo didn't create this, but as a look-at-me star on America's Team, he embodies it. The image of America that we in the rest of the world used to see on the football field, the movie screen and the world stage is all but gone for good. All that's left is a thin, pathetic shell -- that faux cowboy in the White House who never got his hands dirty fighting a war, but has started two.

In that regard, T-Emo has made the Dallas Cowboys truly are America's Team again. Let's not bury him, but praise him.

(By the way, this a very modern celebrity suicide attempt. There's already a MySpace Page to mock it. Oh, and "I'm trying to get this team ready to play Tennessee" is the new "I want to focus on my salad.")

That's all for now. Send your thoughts to neatesager@yahoo.ca.