JAYS THERAPY: WILL FERRELL AND THE SPACEMAN

Bill Maher, on one of his various cancelled TV shows, used to do a segment called "New Rules." He's even parlayed that into a book called, wait for it, New Rules.

For some time there's been some impetus to write something loosely entitled The Rules of Sports Engagement -- the do's and don'ts of being a sports nerd. Basically, it would explain how to follow sports without totally being through the looking glass, without being so deeply immersed in it that it starts to affect your personality. That was one of the themes Nick Hornby touched on in Fever Pitch -- did his obsession with Arsenal and football make him into a prickly-pete type of guy?

One rule would be, "Don't be a fair-weather fan, but take a break when your teams go in the toilet for an extended period. Don't put yourself through agony. It's not a sign of character to go around all bummed out, mopey, and argumentative over your team's woes.

So that was the guiding principle today in Out of Left Field's world with the Jays nursing that six-game losing streak. Had the day off but didn't, for one moment, think about staying in to watch the game. Went to Chapters. Bought four books (two about baseball). Went to see a matinee of Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby and laughed, laughed, laughed.

Went home, put on some music and flipped on the CFL game (a Calgary-Saskatchewan yawner, not worth analyzing), and dived (dove?) right into the newly acquired reading material. By the time I had spent 200-odd pages with Bill (Spaceman) Lee's autography The Wrong Stuff: 20-something Anniversary Edition, there was cleansing. By then it was after 11, and then and only then, did duty call to check on the Blue Jays and learn they had it made it seven loss in a row by losing 7-1 to the White Sox, managing just three hits, although one was Troy Glaus' 250th homer.

As Christian Slater said in Pump Up The Volume, "So be it."

It's not bailing. It's kind of restorative just to unplug yourself for a day every so often. The Jays can certainly break this slide on Sunday, with A.J. Burnett throwing against Jose Contreras. Book it.

That's all for now. Send your thoughts to neatesager@yahoo.ca and enjoy the rest of this holiday weekend.