TELL ME IT WON'T HAPPEN: JAYS BEAT THE YANKEES AGAIN

Let's be clear. Anything less than three out of four for the Toronto Blue Jays this weekend is a disappointment, and that's even with rookie Shawn Marcum starting Sunday's series finale against the Evil Empire, whom the squares know by the name New York Yankees.

It's always good to be prepared. With the way Jays-Yankees series typically go, yours truly was fully prepared to pound out an essay with the working title To Be Miserable Like This Is To Be Happy Forever -- some tripe about remaining a fan through the inevitable disappointments, how it's really a sign of character to validate yourself by feeling shitty about your favourite team's failures, how our greatest hopes never come to pass but we keep on keepin' on. You know, how the truth is harsh and disturbing and that's what is beautiful. Yadda-yadda-yadda.

That's on hold for at least 24 hours, since the Jays made it two in a row over the Evil Empire with a 7-3 romp at Rogers Centre. It was all in the details, which were plenty cringe-worthy for the Yankees, but let's not revel in too long, since everything starts at zero today.

The details: Toronto put four runs on the board against Jaret Wright before he got a single out, and The Evil Empire couldn't touch A.J. Burnett's fastball/curve combination, except for A-Rod, who not long after his three-run home run (his 450th career dinger) in the third, negated that contribution with a couple more Little League pratfalls in the field that all but gift-wrapped a couple more Toronto runs.

Naturally, this being the Blue Jays and this being the AL East, the other shoe has to drop. In this case, it did so when yours truly arrived home just in time to flick on Sportsnet Pacific and see Jason Varitek, batting right-handed, blast a no-doubt homer off Jamie Moyer, giving the Red Sox a 4-0 lead over Seattle. As of this writing, the Evil Empire 1-A is up 8-4 in the seventh, so it appears even with all the giddiness of these last two nights, the Jays aren't going to gain any ground.

Still, to be playing the Damn Yankees and to be halfway to that thing that dares not speak its name but rhymes with weep. Jays fans, take nothing for granted, try not to gloat or do anything that might upset the fragile balance. But three out of four certainly seems possible now, especially with a revitalized Theodore Lilly throwing today for the Jays vs. Chien-Ming Wang and his 4.88 earned-run average on the road.

Tell me it won't happen.

KEVIN SMITH SMACKDOWN

Had to laugh like hell over this: Kevin Smith and Good Morning America movie "critic" Joel Siegel -- or as Smith calls him, "a dick in a mustache" -- have a full-on feud going after Siegel walked out in the middle of screening of Clerks II the other night and made a loud show of announcing his exit, apparently saying, "Time to go!" and "This is the first movie I’ve walked out of in 30 fucking years!"

So Smith fired back on his blog. Highlights:

• I mean, it's Joel Siegel, for Christ's sake. As Paul Thomas Anderson once said of the man, getting a bad review from Siegel is like a badge of honor. This is the guy who stole his mustachioed critic shtick from Gene Shalit years ago, and still refuses to give it back. This is a guy who seemingly prides himself on being "punny" -- that is, he likes to add his own nyuk-nyuk wordplay into the reviews he writes/gives.
  
  For Pirates 2, he made us all titter with "Yo, Ho, Ho and a Bottle of Fun."
  
  For Pixar's lastest, he made us squeal with delight when he wrote "Wheelie Good Time for 'Cars.'"
  
• I feel like my life will be a little bleaker now that I'll never know what pun Joel would’ve dug deeply into his comedic well to produce for "Clerks II" ("'Clerks II?' More like 'Jerks, Too!' "), I've gotta admit that I'm relieved somebody was finally offended by the flick ... I was beginning to think I was losing my touch.

And here's the topper:

• Fozzy fucking Bear laughs at this guy (AT, mind you, not WITH).

It shouldn't surprise anyone that Kevin Smith has a blog. After all, he practically intuited blogging with the obsessive, rambling discussions his films' characters always have about the most obscure of topics.

(Much thanks to the colleague who had the New York Post clipping about this at work today.)

That's all for now. Send your thoughts to neatesager@yahoo.ca.