I JUST SIT HERE ALL NIGHT, SINGING ABOUT WHAT I SEE

Red headed lady, reaching for an apple. Gonna take a bite, nope, nope... She gonna breathe on it first, wipe it on her blouse.

NHL PLAYOFFS, DAY 8

• CANES 3 HABS 2 (Series tied 2-2): It's turned. Montreal looks lost, and Carolina is playing with a lot of confidence. Whoever wins Game 5, takes it.
• FLYERS 5 SABRES 4 (Series tied 2-2): So now the question is, since they've wrestled control of the series away Buffalo, can Philly actually beat the Sabres on the road?
• STARS 3 AVALANCHE 1 (Colorado leads 3-1): How plausible is it that the Stars could pull off the miracle? Very. They've had six win streaks this year of at least four games or more; the Avalanche have been very streaky, and like the '04 Yankees, there's a lot of guys on the team who aren't familiar with each other. It says here Rob Blake and Joe Sakic settle the Avalance down before Game 5 and they move on to Round 2, although it will take two more games.

OTHER BUSINESS

• Why is it when I heard the the word Bush and the word Texas, I immediately thought of the words colossal fuck-up? I've said it before and I'll say it again: it's a little late for April Fools Day. Alas, the only joke is the Houston Texans, who are seriously going to take Mario Williams No. 1 over Reggie Bush at the NFL draft later today. This is on par with the Cincinnati Bengals taking Dan Wilkinson No. 1 back in 1994. Marshall Faulk went No. 2, and the rest, as they say, is history.
• Chuck Klosterman sums up Houston's paralysis-by-analysis quite nicely: "The Texans talked themselves into picking an inferior player; they created reasonable, intellectual reasons to make a terrible move. And I realize Houston needs help on defense, but remember -- they had the first overall pick because they were the worst team in the league. They need everything."
• Boy, Marion Jones really has good judgment in men. First she was married to shot putter C.J. Hunter, who flunked a drug test. Then she had a child with Tim Montgomery, who hasn't flunked a drug test but managed to get banned from track and field anyways, and is now charged in a multi-million dollar fraud scheme. Calisse de tabernac.
• Steve Howe. What a tragedy. That's all I can say.
• As guaranteed, the Jays took out the Yankees tonight, rolling to a 7-2 win behind 5 1/3 strong innings from Roy Halladay and a couple homers from Shea Hillenbrand, who's swinging a mean stick since it was made apparent he couldn't take being the everyday DH for granted.
• Wanker of the week honours, btw, go to TSN pinhead Jay Onrait, whose idea of funny was recaping the baseball highlights with stuff like "Jerky McBallslap" and a pitcher being "on the bump." This is the guy TSN calls its resident wit. I shit you not.

Jerky McBallslap? Sager, that sounds like you on a Saturday night.