Thursday, September 04, 2008

From Queen's communications (satire)

I just received this press release from Queen's. I'm passing it on for your benefit.

KINGSTON—Queen’s athletic department is requesting that all references to the word “Thigh” be removed from the song formally known as the “Oil Thigh” effective immediately.

The song will now be simply known as “The Oil.”

Sports information staff noted that the song has increasingly been referred to as just “The Oil” by first year residents at Vic Hall over the past few years. As Queen’s athletics does not wish to confuse the sons and daughters of Rosedale, it is felt that there is no other option to capitulate to the whims of their lazy use of the language.

It’s also been pointed out that changing the name will reduce the possibility of the engineers singing a terribly inappropriate version of the song that is dehumanizing to the young women of Queen’s. There will be no more “passing her down the line” on our watch.

Although we acknowledge that The Oil has been sung following every Queen’s touchdown for generations, and we realize that tradition is one of the cornerstones of Queen’s, please understand that we know best. It’s a new day, after all, and Queen’s athletics will not be stuck in its stuffy past.

It’s The Oil now. Deal with it.

(Editor's Note from Neate, 10:25 p.m.: Obviously, by no means did this come from Queen's University, and I apologize if any readers took it anything other than a satirical jab, and for any inconvenience that resulted.)

22 comments:

QU said...

You should pass this on to golden words for the fake journal...

Good stuff

Tyler King said...

Duane, I am officially sold on your awesomeness.

Tyler King said...

Hey - won't Golden Words have to rename themselves the "Words" now?

Anonymous said...

Best. Labels. Ever.
-AJ

Robert C. said...

We can just call them the 'Queen's Not So Golden Gaels' from now on.

Anonymous said...

Look on the bright side.In Eastern Ontario there will never again be any doubt that GGs refers to the Gee Gees and not the Golden Gaels, who are now the QGs.

OttawaFan

Mikey said...

Dear Duane Rollins.

Maybe after this witty Queen's post 'sager' will promote you to the street-wise and less case-sensitive 'rollins'.

sager said...

Good stuff, Sager said grudgingly, as he watched any chance of doing continued freelance work for any Queen's publications go flying out the window.

I'm determined to abide by the name change. I might have to Stockholm Syndrome myself into it and I might need the power of post-hypnotic suggestion, like Woody Boyd in that Cheers episode when he did a commercial for an awful-tasting health drink.

As Woody said about Veggie Boy, "I like it."

Queen's Gaels. I can live with it.

Tyler King said...

Actually, Ottawa will now have to be the Gees.

Neate - your future is not in unpaid freelance work for Queen's "publications" (the program hardly counts as one, though the same could be said of the Queen's Journal). Come back to the side of reality and realize how ridiculously ridiculous the name change is. There's not a single benefit you can use to rationalize it - Stockholm Syndrome doesn't kick in if you're just being kicked in the testicles constantly.

sager said...

Tyler,

With all due respect, I'm on the side of reality where I can see the name change for being ridiculously ridiculous, and know I've got a lot more to worry about.

Brilliant post by Duane.

Tyler King said...

Yeah, but outright liking it?

Big V said...

I belive the name change from "Golden" was a gross misinterpretation.

I talked to some people who went the the "input meetings" and they told the people they didn't like the look of the golden gaels writing in the symbol... meaning they didn't want it to be seen...

that was probably interpreted as we dont like being called golden...

sager said...

True enough, but LDC's quote in The Whig was,

"We will call ourselves the Gaels." -- Sept. 2, 2008

Bottom line, I don't think it's a huge deal, everyone take a deep breath and realize the Guelph game on Saturday is a bigger deal.

Tyler King said...

I've yet to see a single person who believes "Queen's Gaels" actually sounds better than Queen's Golden Gaels. If anything, the way this was done demonstrates the department knew how ridiculous it was. They had confidence in the new logo, which is why they had an event and an announcement - but if you had similar confidence in the new team name, why change it so stealthily?

Neate - it might not be a "huge deal", but that doesn't mean it's okay, or something to be supported.

Oh, by the way - the colour commentator for the radio broadcast of the Guelph game might have a few things to say about the name on-air. Sadly that's the one away game where we'll have no listeners because of the Score. I got bumped from the other three.

Last thing - Neate, please don't tell me the department asked you to put up that "editor's note" because they thought people were going to take it seriously.

Anonymous said...

I never understood why Queen's are the Golden Gaels anyway.
If you've ever seen the football uniform...the ugliest uniforms in the known universe, BTW....there isn't anything "Golden" about it.
More like yellow to me....specifically, that particular shade of yellow you see when a dog does his thing in the snow.
If they want to keep the double G in their name, they oughtta go with the "Girlie Gaels"...in honour of their male cheerleaders.

Anonymous said...

Unlike anon, I always kind of liked the big yellow uniforms. With the blue and red trim , they reminded me of my favourite bottle of mustard.
After watching a half of football at Richardson they always give me an urge to go to the concessions, grab a sausage on a bun and do a couple of lines of the yellow stuff.
Subliminal advertising to sell me some comfort food for the football fan? Whatever, it seems to work.

OttawaFan

Tyler King said...

No, because Richardson doesn't have particularly extensive concessions. :P

Anonymous said...

There is one at each end of the oldsters' stand. That is all I need to get my fix.

OF

Tyler King said...

Oh, right. I never got that privilege being part of the rabble. I mean student body.

sager said...

Uh, anon., Queen's is not the only school with a co-ed cheerleading team, it's just that theirs happen to be national champions over a certain other school's!

sager said...

Oh, by the way - the colour commentator for the radio broadcast of the Guelph game might have a few things to say about the name on-air.

Maybe I like it because I get tired of people (present company excepted) who complain about Queen's being stodgy, until someone changes something and then they prattle -- prattlers! -- about tradition.

Tyler King said...

There's a difference when the change has some sort of demonstrable benefit. That's why I didn't say changing the logo was stupid, adding music, etc. etc.

But nobody has put forth any reason why the name change does anything but harm. All changes are not created equal.