ALLARD: THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO LUKE

Jean-Pierre Allard isn't transcribing for Edna. He's also not singing for Pepsi, he ain't shilling for Bud, but this post's for you, Senators fans.

I'm eagerly anticipating Saturday's matinee in Beantown in which we may find out if Jesse Winchester, the newewst Senator, is the undrafted player from Colgate University or the Uncle Sam-drafted folk singer who came to Canada in the 1970s and toured with a band called The Band.

I’m been flipping through Ottawa's major sports publications, as well as the Ottawa Citizen's front page for any clues on what to expect from a guy who was "dubbed too slow to even play Junior B" seven years ago after being cut by the Morrisburg Lions and the Char-Lan Rebels, but to no avail.

By now, you should all be too familiar with those instantaneous declarations made by the Sens brain trust concerning the latest roster addition to which the scribes wolf down like the complimentary bread at Eastside Mario's.

Allow me to refresh your failing memory on this slow news day where the Ottawa Pretend Red Army are still smarting from last night's 4-3 shootout loss to the Buffalo Real Soldiers, when they led 3-2 until sniper Paul Gaustad beat Martin ‘Unknown Masked Soldier’ Gerber with 86 seconds left.

No word yet if brave captain Daniel Alfredsson was still on the bench or had opted to beat the traffic and skidoo to IKEA. According to my always-reliable source, the captain is thinking of getting the rest of his mates to follow suit, arguing that the players do so much stationery exercise during the actual games that any post-game cycling only nets them diminishing returns and derisive comments from the professional media.

From Day 1, Ottawa hockey fans have been fed the following fertilizing ingredients:

The plan is to ice a competitive team in Year 7 and win a Cup in year 10 – sometime in 1992

• Come and cheer Sylvain Turgeon, the Senators' first 50-goal scorer – on the eve of the 1992-93 season
• There is no truth to the rumours started by owner Bruce Firestone that the Senators tanked the last few games of their maiden season to make sure they finished last so they could pick Alexandre Daigle instead of Chris Pronger – June 1993

Fast forward to the last season, while I spare you scores of similar tales and tunes from the last 15 years:

• Luke Richardson will be a great mentor for the young Binghamton rearguards – July 2007
• After making the Senators in training camp, Luke Richardson is playing regularly – Fall 2007
  
• Based on two NHL games, rookie d-man Brian Lee has been assured by GM-coach Bryan Murray to play the remaining four games of the season and all four of the playoffs. (Ed.'s note: "First four," shouldn't that say?)
• To make way for Lee, and for Wade Redden when he comes back from his undisclosed lower body injury, Luke Richardson will be a healthy scratch until further ado. – March 2008
  
• Randy Robitaille has been promoted to play on the Senators' top line with Jason Spezza and Dany Heatley and is featured on the front page of the Citizen – March 20, 2008
• Randy Robitaille, after one lousy game on the team’s top line, has been demoted all the way to healthy scratch – March 24, 2008
  
• Newly acquired character guy Cory Stillman will play with Daniel Alfredsson on the team’s second line so as to give Ottawa two solid scoring lines – February 2008
• Newly-acquired character guy Cory Stillman is playing with everybody else not named Alfredsson, only has three goals and is minus 8 since he was acquired by Bryan Murray for Patrick Eaves – March 2008
  
• Newly acquired tough guy Mike Commodore will play with Wade Redden on the team’' second shutdown tandem – February 2008
• Newly acquired tough guy Mike Commodore is playing with Luke Richardson as the team’s fifth and sixth Ds, is minus-8 and has one fight since he was acquired by Bryan Murray for Joe Corvo – March 2008
• Rookie Brian Lee is a healthy scratch for tonight's Game 2 against the Penguins, after being a minus-6 in the 12-0 loss to the Pittsburgh Whiz Kids in Game 1 and his spot will be taken by Luke Richardson – April 2008

I sincerely trust the above will help you understand why I was so bemused this morning at not reading a headline such as: “Jesse Winchester To Replace Jason Spezza On Top Line In An Effort To Add Grit Against Big Bad Bruins”

Jean-Pierre Allard
March 28, 2008
Ottawa, Ont.