BATTER UP: SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS

We're counting down the seconds till Opening Day, when life begins anew. This involves providing a "starting nine" of obscure trivia, fun facts, high points and low moments for all 29 major-league teams, and if there's time, the Tampa Bay Devil Rays too! Presenting: The San Francisco Giants.

1. Barry Bonds may need a bit more time to set that home run record. Bonds' fast-fading power and deteriorating health (what could have caused that?) might make it tough for him to hit the 22 homers he needs to break Hank Aaron's career record by the end of this season. One projection says he'll hit only 12.
   
   If the chase carries over into '08, it won't mean more hand-wringing, self-righteous columns and editorials since everyone not connected to the Giants is beyond caring. If a steroid user can break a famous baseball record and get away it, so be it; Bud Selig will have all eternity to half-answer for that.
2. Tonight's starting lineup brought to you by regular Polident. Between the soon-to-be 43-year-old Bonds, Omar Vizquel (age 39) at shortstop, Ray Durham (35) at second and Ryan Klesko (35) trying to win an outfield/first base job, the Giants have an all-star lineup. Unfortunately, it's a 1997 all-star lineup.
3. Sure it's not 1985 now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring? Feel free to tell every baseball fan you know that the Giants, despite making a big winter splash by bringing Barry Zito across the Bay from Oakland, are going to finish last for the first time in 22 years. They will call you crazy, especially since San Fran's division includes the dismal Diamondbacks and ramshackle Rockies, but at least you'll have their attention.
4. They're clearly owned by socialists. Everyone knows that a true red-blooded North American capitalist who believes in free enterprise and competition would have shaken down the government to build a ballpark. Those tree-hugging, Pelosi-contributing Giants owners with their Janeane Garofolo posters over their beds spent their own cash ($319 million) to build Pac Bell Park. For the record, the Giants did get some tax abatement and municipal upgrades in the area around Pac Bell, or as it's officially known, AT&T Park.
5. How inhospitable was the old Candlestick Park? According to legend, former National League MVP Keith Hernandez had it written into his contract that he couldn't be traded to the Giants.

6. Retro Cool Giant: Greg 'Moon Man' Minton (right-handed reliever, 1975-87). Remember the scene in Bull Durham where Crash Davis floods the ballpark to get a rainout? According to his Wikipedia bio, Minton actually did that in the minors before the last game of the season so he could go home early. Another time (one assumes), he made off with the team bus.
   
   Minton, who in his playing days kind of looked like a younger version of Uncle Leo from Seinfeld, also set a major-league record by throwing 254 1/3 consecutive innings without allowing a home run. In '82, he put up numbers that are alien in today's game with its more specialized bullpens: 10 wins, 30 saves, 78 appearances, 123 innings pitched.
   
   Minton was paid $343,000 in '82. Last year, the Yankees paid their closer Mariano Rivera $10.5 million to throw 75 innings. If you work that out on a per-inning rate, that's a 5,000 percent pay hike for top relievers over 25 years -- and remarkably, there have been no reports of Minton being committed to a psych ward over this.
7. When it comes to the Giants' prospects, your love life looks good in comparison. According to Baseball America, the Giants have only two of the top 100 in the game, righty pitcher Tim Lincecum and lefty Jonathan Sanchez. (Know how also only has two of the Top 100 prospects? The Blue Jays.)
8. Which Barry Zito are they getting? The Giants are forking out Vernon Wells money, $126 million over seven years, for Zito, the 2002 Cy Young Award winner. Trouble is, Zito's walk rate went up and his strikeout rate declined from '04 and '05, and did so again from '05 to '06. The big spring training camp story with the Giants is that Zito has tweaked his motion. That could mean some short-term pain for a pitcher whose out pitch is his curveball.
9. What's black and orange and has no corners? The Giants' lineup. They got jack squat out of their first basemen (combined .719 OPS) and third basemen (.684) last season. In fairness, if they could have had legend in his own mind Shea Hillenbrand for the entire season, he certainly would have pulled those numbers almost up to sub-mediocre levels.
   
   Remember, Shea Hillenbrand is not only a fabulous player, but he also knows everything there is to know about baseball. That's why he has a new team every other year -- to spread that knowledge to as many people as possible. He's like the Jesus of baseball the way he spreads that gospel.
   
   Anyway, the need-to-know with the Giants is that they have good enough starting pitching to finish with 72-75 wins and stay out of the division basement. Between the unproductive lineup, the Bonds baggage and a bullpen which had NL-worst 4.73 earned-run average in 2006, contending is out of their reach.

That's all for now. Send your thoughts to neatesager@yahoo.ca.