STILL STUNNED BY MONDAY NIGHTER

"Now we just sit back and wait for a NFL franchise."
"Sir, I couldn't help monitoring your conversation. I represent the Arizona Cardinals..."
"Keep walkin', buddy."
The Simpsons, 'A Tale Of Two Springfields'

Half the women in Arizona wanted to go home with Matt Leinart, but Eric Green probably wanted to see if he could go home with the Chicago Bears.

Have to credit Neil Acharya for that line. Green is a second-year defensive back for the Cardinals, and by rights, last night's Monday Night Football game should have been his introduction to NFL fans. He and various other Cardinals defenders were all over the field, laying out receivers in pass coverage, coming up to make plays the run -- out-Chicagoing the renowned Chicago defence.

It was a great defensive performance, and it still is, actually, since the Bears -- in the kind of thing that happens only when the Cardinals are around -- pulled off an inexplicable 24-23 comeback victory. Two fumbles returned for touchdowns and an 83-yard punt return by Devin Hester in the final minutes wiped out a 20-point lead, then Cardinals kicker Neil Rackers missed a very makeable field goal with 48 seconds left. By the way, look for someone to coin the phrase "Neil Rackers face" later this week.

Someone should show the final 20 minutes of this game to Glendale, Ariz.'s other pro sports concern, the Phoenix Coyotes, just to remind them it can always get worse.

Deadspin, whose authors haved lived and mostly died with the Cardinals (AKA The Buzzsaw) since the St. Louis days (well, one assumes that, since it's the only logical explanation), are absolutely apoplectic. Enough about the Cardinals.

Far be it for a Minnesota Vikings fan to pour cold water on a stunning Chicago victory, especially since last season the Vikes also won a road game where they had three touchdowns on returns and none while actually on offence. Some of my best friends are Bears fans, after all.

The Vikes have their own problems, although they managed to get through the bye week without any arrests, fatalities or international incidents. Still, the best advice for a Bears fan was to enjoy the moment, then realize that as of this morning, the moment is over.

Enjoy it, then realize that when the defence gets any kind of pass rush, Rex Grossman's passing tends to be about as precise as Ann Coulter's research: 14-for-37, 148 yards, four interceptions, for a simply stunning quarterback rating of 10.7.

Grossman underthrew receivers, he overthrew them, he one-hopped them. At least he's no one-trick pony. Bears fans seem to think this guy is going to be a great one. The best way to deal with is to use the same tactic you employ with people who do Sudoku: Smile politely, be tolerant and know you'll never understand.

As for Arizona, now do you see why they don't let the Cardinals play on Monday night?

That's all for now. Send your thoughts to neatesager@yahoo.ca.