In no particular order, these are yours truly's favourite exemplars of The Girlfriend character. Film femme fatales who tug at the ol' heartstrings. Some basic criteria: The character's walk of life has to be somewhat similar to mine, so there's actually a chance of meeting in real life. For instance, Rachel McAdams' Wedding Crashers character is out, since she's from a rich, well-heeled family. She can't be from a "teen movie," either, because that would just be too creepy.
So again, in no particular order:
BRANDI SVENNING (Claire Forlani, Mallrats)Let's see. Brainy and assertive; killer eyes and even looks cute when she's wearing glasses. Has a beguiling accent despite the fact she's supposed to be from New Jersey. Little too much of a Daddy's Girl, but she isn't overly domineering, since she apparently hasn't made T.S. sever his ties with that aimless slacker Brodie.
Line that was obviously meant for me: "You're behaving like a complete ass."
LAURA (Iben Hjejle, High Fidelity)Intelligent and beautiful (in that order) high-paid lawyer who, for a time at least, doesn't mind dating an advanced adolescent like Rob Gordon (John Cusack's character in the adaptation of Nick Hornby's first novel, but you knew that already) who organizes his record collection by breakup. Has what Dan Jenkins' literary alter ego Billy Clyde Puckett referred to as the Nordic combined: Body. Eyes. Hair. In the end, she makes a prickly, bitter guy want to live.
Line that was obviously meant for me: "Rob, what are you ever doing that can't be cancelled?"
ASHLEY (Schuyler Fisk, Orange County)Has a soft spot for strays, whether it's a feral dog that nearly bites her ear off or high school literary types. Isn't overly freaked out by Shaun's wacky family, particularly his older brother, Lance (one of Jack Black's more memorable characters), so she doesn't seem to be overly high-maintenance. Willing to resort to blackmail to help her guy catch his big break.
Line that was obviously meant for me: "Look Shaun, I'm sorry you didn't get into Stanford. But if you think that going here is the only way that you can be the person you want to be, well then I just feel sorry for you."
KATY (Karen Allen, Animal House)Reaching into the way-back machine here, but from 1978 to well into the mid-80s, Karen Allen was the go-to actress to play the hard-done-by love interest of some schmuck who didn't realize how good he had it (see Scrooged, where she starred opposite Bill Murray). She puts up with Boon despite the fact he, by his own admission, "doesn't take anything seriously," and puts up a brave front, laughing on the outside when Bluto Blutarsky crushes beer cans against his head, even though she's hurting inside and would rather be someplace else.
Line that was obviously meant for me (after Boon begs with her to let him go to Deltas' toga party): "I'll write you a note. I'll say you're too well to attend."
JOSIE McCOY (Rachael Leigh Cook, Josie And The Pussycats)The list wouldn't be complete without at least one appearance from the RLC. Truth be known, any character Rachael has played since 2000 would make a stellar addition to the list (refer back to what I said about teen movies).
This is being written in anticipation of yours truly getting whacked upside the head (figuratively speaking) by a certain good friend of mine, but the RLC is that perfect. (See, I even found a recent picture to show how she's grown into her looks.)
Sure, maybe she hasn't had a big movie lately, and her first name is almost always misspelled on DVD cases, but what's not to like? Gorgeous eyes, a certain down-to-earth, Minnesota-nice mien. She's even left-handed and once wore a Vikings hat on a TV show.
So why Josie? She's got attitude, plays the guitar and has that Sydney Bristow ability to sport multiple hair colours. She's also skilled in minor auto repairs.
Line that was obviously meant for me: "Look at them all staring at us. They think I shouldn't be here. That's totally what they're thinking."
Scoff all you like, but there's a part of me that still believes that if income, status and one person's poor self-esteem were no factor, RLC + NRS would be a fait accompli. Yours truly believes in this the same way I do that the Jays are going to make the playoffs this season or that the Vikings will make the playoffs in any season. We are gonna to get married on top of a mountain, and there's going to be flutes playing and trombones and flowers and garlands of fresh herbs. And we will dance till the sun rises. And then our children will form a family band. And we will tour the countryside and you won't be invited.
Related: Sports Movies That Won't Freak Out Your Girlfriend (And Some That Will) (originally published July 6)
That's all for now. Send your thoughts to neatesager@yahoo.ca.
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