TIGERS GOUGE DETROIT FANS, AND WHY THIS IS NOT SO BAD FOR JAYS DIEHARDS

Subject to Wednesday's post about the Detroit Tigers' playoff ticket gougery (if that's even a word), some Michiganders are clearly upset.

Mickey Tettleton Memorial Overpass managed to mine some humour out of the Tigers raising the price of an $8 ticket (all terms US) to $35 for the first round of the playoffs. The above Detroit News brief had no mention of what's planned if the Tigers advance deeper into the post-season. (Their division lead is down to 5½ games after a 10-0 loss to Chicago last night.)

The real holy-flurking-shnit moment comes courtesy of a comment left by a sympathetic Chicago White Sox fan, who says accuses his favourite team of engaging in the following during and since its '05 playoff run:

• That " 'guaranteed' seats for the playoffs are not guaranteed for your actual seats, just seats somewhere in the park." (Italics mine.)
• "ALL SEATS must be purchased for the playoffs by Aug. 31."
• "If you ask for a refund for any unused tickets (like, if they don't make the playoffs, or if they get bounced), you LOSE YOUR SEASON TICKETS for next year."

Admittedly, I'm a little naive here, being a Blue Jays fan who didn't have the means to be there in person during our glory years. What are these "playoffs" that you speak of? You mean teams are forced to play extra games after going through a 162-game grind of the regular season?

Seriously, you don't get to sit where you sat in the regular season, even if part of the fun of being a season-ticket holder, one imagnes, is forming a community with the people you sit with? Also, if you plunk down money for, say, Game 5 of a playoff series that is over in four, there's actually a punishment if you have the temerity to ask for a refund on a service (i.e., a game that was never played) that was never rendered? How does a pro sports team get away with treating its costumers that way?

Now, if this is standard operating procedure across Major League Baseball, then perhaps it's not so bad that the Jays are about to make it 13 straight years without a playoff appearance. Anyone in southern Ontario who is really bummed or frothing mad over the Jays' meek withdrawal from the playoff race should listen up.

Suppose the Jays make the playoffs next season and jack up ticket prices (which might be harder since Rogers Centre is a bigger stadium, but given the bandwagon tendencies of the Toronto public, you never know). Instead of real fans, the typical person who would be able to absorb to price hike would be Imaginary Bay Street Guy, a real jerk who mainly wants to go because there's this Almost-Blonde from the office whom he figures will go into a swoon once he tells her how much he spent on the tickets.

(DIGRESSION: Here's how that probably plays out, by the way. The Almost-Blonde spends half the game chatting inanely on her cellphone and repeatedly asking, "Is this almost over?" before demanding to leave after the sixth inning since she's SO BORED. Then she makes Imaginary Bay Street Guy engage in some really pathetic grovelling, maybe even promise to pay her wireless bill for three to six months, before letting him get into her pants. Sixty percent of the time, it happens that way every time.)

So yes, take heart, suffering Jays fans. If what the Tigers are doing is any indication, you're probably better off with the Toronto nine's perennial failure to make the playoffs, since it gives you more money to blow on other distractions.

By the way, if you haven't figured it out, yours truly will write about the Detroit Tigers whenever there's an excuse to, just to use that photo of Sparky Anderson with the Dead Milkmen, circa 1987.

(Hat tip to Greg Hughes, since he planted the seed for this post.)

Related:
Tigers Sock It To Little Guy; Get Michael Moore On This Pronto (Aug. 23)

That's all for now. Send your thoughts to neatesager@yahoo.ca.