IT'S A SLICE: MOSS RETURNS, TOP PICK GOES OUT, VIKINGS LOSE PRESEASON OPENER

Turns out muted enthusiasm was the proper mood for Randy Moss' much-ballyhooed return to Minnesota as a member of the Oakland Raiders.

Both Vikings fans and Moss wanted a love-in -- there were a lot of No. 84 purple jerseys and No. 18 Raiders jerseys sprinkled throughout the crowd -- and pretty much nothing happened. Moss (shown back in the day) played only briefly and made just one catch for 16 yards.

When he came out in middle of an offensive series and it sank in that his night was done, he threw his helmet in disgust and sulked on the bench. Good times.

The big story wasn't Moss at all: It was that the Vikings, after all that talk about winning with defence and ball-control offence, may have already lost their No. 1 draft choice for the entire season: Linebacker Chad Greenway hurt his left knee after being blocked in kickoff coverage in the first quarter and never returned to the sideline, which may be a telling omen. (UPDATE, 8:35 p.m. Tuesday: Greenway is out for the season.)

The Raiders, for what it's worth, won 16-13 after Vikings passed up a game-tying field goal try in the final seconds to go for the win.

If the Vikings' performance could be summed in almost a word, it would Meh. There's not too much to get excited about in pre-season, even if your team wins all four games by an average score of 44-3. It just doesn't matter.

Regardless, here's some general impressions on the night:

• The first-string defence shut down the Raiders for the one quarter it played together, which wasn't too bad considering Oakland had already played a game. Greenway's injury was a major bummer, but some other young guys had good nights: Heath Farwell was credited with a team-high nine tackles. D-back Cedric Griffin (the second-round draft choice) made an interception and two mid-round draft picks, Greg Blue and Ray Edwards, each made sacks. Defensively, it went fairly well.
• Offensively, not so much: The Vikes had 19 first downs but only 274 total yards, and its longest play was a 17-yard scramble by Tarvaris Jackson, the rookie third-string QB. Chester Taylor, Mewelde Moore and Ciatrick Fason got a total of 21 carries, and none went for more than four yards. It's hard to be very excited about this group after that performance, and that will remain the case until the offensive line gets its stuff together.
• Three Vikings are wearing new numbers: Koren Robinson (from No. 18 to 81), Troy Williamson (19 to 82) and Fred Smoot (27 to 21). Can't imagine why Smoot would want to make a clean break from last season. It has nothing to do with sex toys or boats. You betcha.
• Positive sign: The Vikings had only one penalty in the first half, which is saying something for the pre-season opener. Then they reverted to form with five penalties in the second half.
• About the new uniforms: the jury is still out. There's been times in the past when I've felt the old Vikes look -- which save for occasional changes to the numerals and a deeper shade of purple that was adopted long before my time, hadn't changed since 1961 -- was due for an update. This just doesn't seem quite like the right update, but at least there's no gold third jersey. At least not yet. One suggestion: ditch the purple pants on the road and match them up with the home jersey. Hey, the all-purple ensemble didn't hurt the Wilfrid Laurier Golden Hawks last season.
• The new Monday Night Football crew has the same drawback as the former Sunday night crew, and its name is Joe Theismann. This isn't a knock on the man who's known as Stupid Joe in these parts; he would probably be OK a run-of-the-mill Sunday regional broadcast, or doing college football.
  
  However, with the hype surrounding MNF and Tony Kornheiser in the booth, you need a football guy who's capable of trading barbs with the professional wiseass and occasionally get his own digs in, like Dan Fouts did with Dennis Miller or, going way back, Dandy Don Meredith did with Howard Cosell. Even if was quick enough to indulge in light-hearted banter, Theismann probably would refrain since he takes himself and the NFL way too seriously. How he never got teamed up with Joe Buck is an enduring mystery.

That's all for now. Send your thoughts to neatesager@yahoo.ca.