PARIS HILTON-JOSÉ THÉODORE SAGA ACTUALLY ACHIEVES FULL-ON SLEAZINESS ... BUT IT'S NOT HER DOING!

Obligatory Anchorman reference: "Oh, José, there are literally thousands of men that I should be with instead, but I am 72 percent sure that I love you."

By now you've all heard of the blossoming romance between the washed-up goalie and She Who Must Not Be Mentioned By Name (see yesterday's missive).

In and of itself, there's nothing wrong with José Théodore being one of the flavour of the weeks for She Who Must Not Be Mentioned By Name, who by this time next week will surely have moved on to dating some random European tennis star. Or an NBA small forward. Hell, how about an entire NFL offensive line? We members of the 40-inch-plus waistline fraternity need to be feel loved once in a while.

However, Théodore really comes off pretty badly after the latest revelations in this nine-day sensation. It was known before yesterday that he had a long-term girlfriend, and that they had an infant daughter together. Rest assured, there's more. There always is, isn't there?

Turns out that Théodore's girlfriend, Stéphanie Cloutier, mother of his three-month-old daughter, Romi, has reportedly dumped him. Oh, and while he was off making the scene (and who knows what else) with She Who Must Not Be Mentioned By Name, the couple's daughter was "a patient in the neonatal wing after being born prematurely."

If you have a child with a woman, and said child if having health problems, shouldn't you be by her side, no matter what?

Especially if your team traded you halfway across the continent right about the time she was near the end of what was an apparently a difficult pregnancy, made all the more difficult by the stress and, no doubt, embarrassment, of her father being in jail on sex abuse charges?

To sum up, now we know why Théodore wears a mask in public. It's to hide his shame.

(This, by the way, is really preachy if you know anything of yours truly's romantic history. Let's just say the words "or complete lack thereof" come into play.)

Send your thoughts to neatesager@yahoo.ca. Now let's go into the bear pit.