FUNNIEST THING I'LL SEE ALL WEEK

Joe Sports Fan has outdone himself with his gallery of "vintage" ballplayers, entitled JSF's Worthless Baseball Card Collection.

Personal favourite:

In 1981, Gorman Thomas was suspended five games after he ripped off the arm of a heckling fan and used it to lay down a succesful sacrifice bunt during the game.

I'm more amused at the thought of Gorman Thomas (1,051 career hits against 1,339 strikeouts) just trying to get down a sac bunt, regardless of whether he used a bat or human appendage.

The only way that could be funnier was if Joe had said George Bell ripped off a guy's arm and used it to lay one down. George played almost 1,600 games in the majors and never had a successful sacrifice. You could look it up.

Moving on . . . well, trying to.

NHL PLAYOFFS DAYS 16 & 17

• Ray Emery and Ryan Miller aren't alone; Marty Brodeur got lit up for six goals by the Hurricanes yesterday. And on his birthday!
• 3 p.m., AVALANCE vs. DUCKS (Anaheim leads 1-0): Ilya Bryzgalov is probably going to get scored on one of these days. Right? Colorado gets Andrew Brunette back, so they should be better than in Game 1. By the way, haven't Anaheim youngsters Ryan Getzlaf (No. 51), Corey Perry (61) and Dustin Penner (76) done enough to warrant trading in those offensive lineman numbers? Maybe not now, but for next season. Just a thought.
• 8 p.m., OILERS vs. SHARKS (Series opener): With three games in four nights, whoever wins the opener likely has a huge advantage. It says here the Sharks' Western Canada quotient will be the X factor in this series, unless Dwayne Roloson performs some more magic for Edmonton. By the way, I have to get this one off my chest: Joe Thornton is from St. Thomas, Ont., which is also the hometown of Rachel McAdams. Did they ever cross paths?

OTHER BUSINESS

• No more drama; Steve Nash and the Suns beat Kobe and the Lakers in a Game 7 walkover, 121-90. Hmmm. So much for Kobe unleashing his vengeance over losing the MVP. In hindsight, you could see this coming; the first four games flattered the Lakers.
• Before there was Theo Epstein, remember that Gord Stellick was the original boy GM. The Star's Chris Zelkovich chats with the guy who traded Russ Courtnall for John Kordic. If they ever remake Chinatown, they'll have to amend that line to "Politicians, whores, ugly buildings and general managers all become respectable if they hang around long enough."
• All right, all aboard the Casey Janssen Express. He breaks his maiden today.

See you sometime tonight.