COLE WHINERS

The stuff you may have missed while making a date with the razor, and I don't mean the Senators goalie.

Here's a news flash for Ottawa Senators fans. I hope it gets through, because I hate having to smack people with a frozen mackerel to get their attention.

It's bad form to accuse Hockey Night in Canada's Bob Cole of bias against your beloved hometown team. (Full disclosure: the newspaper I work for carried a story on Saturday on this exact theme.)

Not only is it false -- and I have proof -- but your focus should be on the Sens, not a broadcaster. Be happy that the Sens have as good a chance as anyone else to capture the Stanley Cup after dismissing the defending champion Tampa Bay Lightning like they were a bunch of D students applying to an Ivy League school. Those days of first-round crapouts are a thing of the past.

Getting back to Bob Cole: granted, he is a little long on the tooth and no longer as sharp an announcer as he once was. Yes, he's more familiar with the players on a certain southern Ontario team that must not be mentioned. Sorry, but that does not a bias make.

But but but, you mewl, Cole is biased against our Sens. But but but, Cole doesn't know the names of the Ottawa players. But but but, I have to mute the TV broadcast and listen to Dean and Gord on The Team 1200 instead, to keep from getting mad.

So tonight, I kept a count of how many times Bob Cole referred to an Ottawa player and how many times he referred to a Tampa player. (It was simple. I made a list of each team's lineup and made a tick mark next to each guy's name every time I heard it.)

First period: Cole referred to Ottawa players 120 times, Tampa players 109 times.

Second period: Ottawa faltered somewhat early in the period, as Tampa cut a 2-0 deficit to 3-2 by the end of the frame. Cole made 102 references to Ottawa's players, 113 to Tampa's.

Sean Burke, who was busy during the period as the Sens took 17 shots to Tampa's 11. Cole mentioned Burke 20 times, compared to just nine name-drops for his Ottawa counterpart, Ray Emery. In other words, Cole was talking about how the other team's goalie was doing well to keep his overmatched team in the game.

Does that sound like an anti-Ottawa bias?

Third period: 118 Tampa mentions to 93 for Ottawa. Again, the goaltending question comes up. Burke did well to keep it a one-shot game for the Lightning. I heard Emery's name only twice, while counting 22 references to Burke.

That cuts it down to 98-91, and when you consider that there was a defending Stanley Cup champion trying to keep from going out in the first round (something that's happened only half a dozen times in the past 25 years or so), it's understandable there might be some emphasis put on them.

Final count: That puts it at 340-315 for Tampa. But again, it all comes back to the goalies (by the way, Cole was complimentary to Emery, pointing out twice that he had had silenced questions about Ottawa's goaltending).

On the night, I heard Burke's name 55 times, Emery's 17 times.

Which makes the true tally 298-285 for Ottawa.

What skater did Cole mention the most? Martin Havlat, 46 times.

But but but, you say, that's because he was one of the stars of the game. Cole was forced to mention him.

Well, you're wrong. Because who was the second-most mentioned skater, by my count? Daniel Alfredsson (44 times), who had a pretty ordinary night.

For the record, the most-mentioned Lightning skater was Brad Richards (41 times), and it should be pointed out that Tampa gave its top two lines more ice time, because they were playing desperate and can't match Ottawa's depth.

By the way, here were some of Cole's comments.

• First period, before a Sens power play: "Ottawa's special teams are terrific."
• Second period, after Havlat scored what proved to be the winning goal: "Dynamite, that's all you can say. Dynamite. Dynamite. Just too much power."

Now, I understand this is the playoffs, and the us-against-the-world attitude does tend to prevail. I remember being a Blue Jays fan during their championship years, and giving credence to the conspiracy theory that umpires didn't want a Canadian team to win the World Series. But I was a teen then, and I'm an adult now, just slightly less ignorant.

The lesson here is to pick your villains wisely.

Besides, if Cole's broadcasting was the Senators' biggest concern, then why isn't the NHL calling off the playoffs and just handing them the Cup right now?

A septuagenarian sports announcer is not going to keep the Sens from their date with destiny. There is a man half Cole's age who will take care of that a few weeks from now.

His name, in case you're wondering, is Martin Brodeur.

NHL PLAYOFFS DAY 9

• OILERS 3 RED WINGS 2 (Edmonton leads 3-2): Dwayne Roloson is one win from doing what he, with some help from Manny Fernandez, did to his former Simcoe, Ont., minor hockey teammate Rob Blake and the Colorado Avalanche in 2003. Edmonton's Fernando Pisani, with three goals in the series, might be that secondary scorer who often comes up big in a playoff upset. I'm still convinced the Oilers will need seven games, like they did in their '97 upset of Dallas. By the way, I love this line about the Oilers from the Canadian Press gamer: "...they gave themselves a collective shake before coming out and playing much more disciplined hockey in the second period." What's a collective shake? Does it hurt?
• DEVILS 4 RANGERS 2 (New Jersey wins 4-0): It won't go in the record books since it bridges the regular season and playoffs, but if New Jersey gets out to a 3-0 lead in the next round, that will make it 18 straight wins, topping the record 17 in a row Mario Lemieux's '92-93 Penguins reeled off.
• SENATORS 3 LIGHTNING 2 (Ottawa wins 4-1): I've already talked myself out here. When are we going to see Brian McGrattan in the lineup?
• FLAMES 3 DUCKS 2 (Calgary leads 3-2): Someone should do a study on the impact of short-handed goals in the playoffs, especially when it's the first score of the game. Tony Amonte, with an assist from Matthew Lombardi, got the Flames started. Jarome Iginla had his second-straight two-goal night. Still looks like a seven-game series here.
  

Last but not least, I guess appropriate that on the day of the NFL draft, the Yankees pounded the Blue Jays by a football score. Just remember who scored first!

Sunday is another day. Sunday is another day . . .