Thursday, September 25, 2008

In the Canadian forests, it's sometimes hard to cedar wood for the trees

As underwhelmed as I've usually revealed myself to be anytime I open the Sports section of the esteemed Kingston Whig-Standard lately, nothing could've brought more warmth into my heart than the decidedly retro take they've embarked on with Clint Walper's latest piece on the Queen's football Gaels.

It's finally happened, and so close to home no less; the return of the bad pun as a viable way to write newspaper articles.

Some may see it as a throwaway line, but the comedic genius of "the Queen's Gaels definitely enjoyed a Blaise of glory last weekend" is a signal to us all that the bad pun has made its triumphant return.

For those who don't get it - the top receiver last week was Blaise Morrison, whose first name is a homophone (not that there's anything wrong with that - ZING!) of the word "blaze".

What's that you say? "Blaze of glory" is something people have before they die? Shut up, I say back.

Finally, the vault of potentially pun-derful Golden Gaels can be opened for the remainder of the season. Watch for these gems as the limestone city's top journalistic standard continues its coverage:
  • "With such a dominating rushing performance last week, the Gaels' offence sure was Giffin it their all."
  • "Considering the number of passes thrown by Queen's in the game, it's entirely possible that Coach Sheahan's breakfast consisted of a bowl of All-Brannagan."
  • "Queen's linebacking corps racked up so many tackles that this reporter wonders whether Cypress Hill would consider them to have been inThaine in the membrane."
  • "As far as scoring went, the Gaels certainly weren't Ionneedy."
  • "Queen's third-string running back was unsure as to whether he'd play, but this reporter demanded the answer from the coaching staff: Izzy or isn't he?"
  • "Oduwole, where the wind comes sweepin' down the plain!"
  • "The Special Teams, or Village People, certainly weren't Macho Men on this day."
  • "There certainly was some Sterling play on the Gaels' defensive line last week."
  • "Devan Sheahan and his father/coach have admitted to having a love-eight relationship."
I readily admit that one of CFRC's colour commentators last year mentioned after a Neil Puffer sack that "he'll huff and he'll puff and he'll blow your quarterback down", so if you plan on accusing me of hypocrisy, as usual you're entirely in the right (Neate.).

But until you do, I leave this parting shot:

What did the papa buffalo say to the baby buffalo before he went to work?

Oh, what a day for Journalism!


Anonymous said...

I cringed when I read it. It was a bit of a stretch to say the least.

But you have to love when a sports writer can work Bon Jovi into the mix.

Tyler King said...

If only we had a baseball team so our defensively challenged players could "give Glove a bad name".

Andrew Bucholtz said...

Queen's does actually have a baseball team, and they won three of four games on the weekend. Nice work on the fake puns, though: there's a bunch in there that I hadn't heard or thought of before.

Tyler King said...

Queen's has a baseball *club*. It's not relevant to anything and plays in a college league that has fluctuated between three and four teams. Hence why the Whig wouldn't write articles about them.

Andrew Bucholtz said...

Yeah, you're right that it's not the most impressive league. They used to compete against the OUA teams as well, though, and won a national championship four or five years ago. I'm not going to argue that the current league is incredibly high-level: the point was just that a team does exist (though you're right, it's not likely that the Whig will write about them any time soon).

Tyler King said...

It's not a CIS sport, though, and thus not a national championship in the real sense.

Queen's has a group of people who play baseball. Not a baseball team.

sager said...


This reminds me of the KITH sketch about "career-ending moments in show business."

And Tyler is a girl drink drunk.

Jordie Dwyer said...

LOL...reminds me of last week's sports head in my paper - -

Cast of Hawks ready to fly

May the Gaels blow hard and fast in the OUA....