HOCKEY'S HERE: LAST, AND QUITE POSSIBLY LEAST, THE TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS

It's time to air out your gear, sharpen your skates and tape your stick -- it's hockey season. Sure, your team flat-out ached last season, but there's hope, unless you're an Islanders fan. In that spirit, Out of Left Field offers looks at all 30 NHL teams. Presenting: The Toronto Maple Leafs.

Last season: 90 points, 4th in Northeast Division; missed playoffs
Coach: Paul Maurice (1st season with team)
Young gun: Ya, right... Aleksander Suglubov, maybe. How about John Pohl?
Store this name away: Justin Pogge
Hey, get a load of the new guys: Andrew Raycroft, Hal Gill, Pavel Kubina, Mike Peca
Blogs (including but not limited to): Battle of Ontario, Budblog, Pension Plan Puppets
Pop culture moment: The Tragically Hip's 50 Mission Cap and the Rheostatics' The Ballad of Wendel Clark are two of the 11 greatest Canuck rock songs ever. Not that I made a list or anything.

Geographical convenience, obsession with conformity, contrarian nature, pathetic fallacy, troubled childhood, call it what you will: Yours truly is a Toronto Maple Leafs fan, with all the baggage and emotional frailties that title confers. It's not even about cheering for them any more. The Leafs Nation wouldn't know what to do if the team was ever a legitimate Stanley Cup hopeful. It's been almost 40 years since we've won. Thanks for the reminder.

At least the Condo Builders who run the show, such as it is, aren't trying to lie and say everything will be fine this season. Paul Maurice once coached in Hartford, so he knows from talent-deprived teams, and boy are the Leafs ever talent-deprived.

Andrew Raycroft, "our" new No. 1 goalie, is a six-foot-tall question mark. The ex-Kingston Frontenac had his moments in the pre-season, and the company line is that he's the man. He was brutal in Boston last year, but that whether that was him or a by-product of his teammates and organization losing faith on him is open to interpretation. Goalies are hard to predict, since the best ones are about half-insane on a good day.

The jury is out on the bolstered defence corps. The Leafs played Boston eight times last year, but apparently that wasn't enough for them to see that 6-foot-7 Hal Gill is too slow to be effective under the new rules. As for the forwards, while Peca's a nice addition (assuming he plays more like he did for Edmonton in the playoffs as opposed to the regular season), who exactly is supposed to be a goal-scoring threat besides Mats Sundin? It's hard to see this lineup scoring enough, especially since the defence and goaltending isn't going to remind anyone of the '76-77 Montreal Canadiens (maybe the Washington Capitals of similar vintage, though).

It's going to be a rough ride this season; if the Leafs can finish in the top half of the league in goals-against and sneak into the post-season, it will be considered a success. This is supposed to be a real rebuilding effort (if you're looking for an omen, both the coach and GM were born in 1967, and if you have to be reminded what significance that year plays in the great Leaf tragicomedy, you must be new around here), not the typical T-Dot quick fix of signing and trading for anyone who might have played in the all-star game five or six years ago.

It won't be easy, and the Sens will have four opportunities in the first month to clean Toronto's clock but good. No matter. We're Leafs fans. We're made of stronger stuff, since everyone hates us. You can hit us with a 2-by-4 and we wouldn't even drop our CrackBerries. We've heard every joke, every punchline, like how we have a new coach from Korea by the name of Win One Soon, or how Hamilton can't have a hockey team, cuz then Toronto'd have to get one too.

(By the way, in the "not good" department, Wade Belak's going to have to play defence in the opener tonight against Ottawa, the first of a home-and-home against the Sens. Belak's been playing forward since he's less of a liability there. Don't blame him. Blame management for not finding someone more capable.)

Damn, where did I go off to there? Yes, the most the Leafs can hope for is to be No. 8 in the Eastern Conference, and the most fans can hope for is that we don't have to meet Ottawa, since that 4-0 record in playoff series is the only trump card we have on the Sens.

So at the end of the day, this Leafs season will be like every one I've ever known: Plenty of opportunity to sit around moaning how they're no closer to Lord Stanley's silver chalice than in any other season in recent memory. It's all we know.

Also in Northeast Division: Boston Bruins, Buffalo Sabres, Montreal Canadiens, Ottawa Senators
Related: Oh, Domi: Why Leafs Nation Won't Be Ruffled By Belinda-Gate (Sept. 26), We Are Leafs Fans, See Us Ignore (Sept. 21)

Back with more later. Send your thoughts to neatesager@yahoo.ca