BLESS YOU, BOATMEN BLOG: WHAT'S FOOTBALL WITHOUT THE IRONIC DETACHMENT?

This space has made its feelings known on Toronto pursuing a NFL franchise. If the day comes, so be it. If it doesn't happen, that's fine too.

The magnificent bastards at BoatmenBlog, however, hit the nail on the head when it comes to what will be lost if the Toronto Argonauts were squeezed out to make room for a billion-dollar behemoth of a NFL franchise:

"To understand the difference between the CFL and the NFL, go to a place in Toronto where CFL fans congregate. A pre-game tailgate, say. Or, as most of us did after Saturday's win ... the post-game celebrations at Joe Badali's. Share beers with men, women and children...or at least men and women. Marvel at their obscure Argos paraphernalia. Trade stories of the cast of characters you met at the last Grey Cup. Chat with the players who stop by to say hello. Bring some form of protection in case Frank D'Angelo turns up trying to march you over to Forget About It. And go home feeling good about the world, at least until the hangover kicks in.

"Now go to a place in Toronto where NFL fans congregate. The Sports Cafe at Yonge and St. Clair, for instance, as we did yesterday. Look around at the generic oversized gentlemen in generic jerseys of generic NFL stars who wouldn't stop to say hello if they ran over them with their cars. Watch as they turn different shades of red at every dropped pass -- not because they care about any particular team, but because they have a big chunk of their earnings riding on the outcome. Listen as they speak in what they presumably think are Chicago accents, but actually make them sound like they're from Buffalo -- a city that's sort of like Hamilton with no industry, 10 times the murder rate and 400 times the number of house fires. And try your darndest to spot a woman who's not paid to be there.

"Still looking? Okay, you get our point. Now tell us: Do you really want to replace all those nice, Argos-loving people hanging around the Argodome -- not to mention the Argo Notes, because you know there's no NFL version of them -- with those guys?"

In a sense, this is what seems to be lost on the crowd who believes the grass is on a 100-yard-long American football field is always greener. The CFL vs. NFL debate comes down to having the ability to enjoy a game for What It Is, not What It Should Be.

The CFL is a minor league with a major-league pretensions, granted, but it offers a more unpredictable, free-form brand of football that you can also enjoy with David Letterman-esque ironic detachment.

With the notable exception of Saskatchewan Roughriders fans, who don't have another pro team in their province, you can't take it too seriously, since after all, you probably make more money than about half the players on the field. It's a business, too, but the human aspect hasn't been almost completely drummed out of it, like the NFL.

For a fan, this is Uncanny Valley stuff: Since you expect less, you're able to enjoy it much, much more. You know what you're getting is charmingly unsophisticated (Patrick Hruby's phrase, not mine).

Believe you me, if it's between going into pent-up, throwing-things-around-the-room fits when my Minnesota Vikings are playing (witness last night's live blog) and being able to keep it light 'n' breezy while watching the Argos, well, let's just say the latter is often more preferable.

That's not to say those who want the NFL in T.O. (a position espoused by my friend Greg Hughes) are wrong. It's just that as a group, their thinking here may not be open to the possibility that the grass isn't necessarily greener because it's on a 100-yard-long American football field.

Besides, T.O. needs a team it can enjoy ironically -- it's a nice departure from hockey season.

Related:
Toronto And The NFL (Again) (Sept. 8)
Toronto Wants The NFL (Again) (Sept. 7)
Admittedly, High Culture Is Relative (Boatmen Blog)
Why The NFL Should Come To Toronto (Greg's Blog, Sept. 7)
The Toronto Raptors And The Uncanny Valley (Nov. 24, 2005)

That's all for now. Send your thoughts to neatesager@yahoo.ca.