A FEW RANDOM OFFENSIVES: REBAGLIATI, BRITNEY, TARA AND THE FINE FOLKS IN NEWARK

If you're looking for Ross Rebagliati riffing, it's right here. (Seriously, Ross, ask for a recurring guest spot on Whistler -- it may lead to a new career for you. Granted, "career" is a foreign word to most snowboarders, and to many people from B.C., but it's just a suggestion.)

• Tomorrow night, the minor-league Newark Bears are holding "Britney Baby Safety Night," where fans will get car seat safety tips and one lucky fan will get to take home a car seat. Fans dressing like a baby get in free Even better: the opponent that night is a team called the Road Warriors, a team that plays its entire schedule on the road. As Mike Myers observed in Wayne's World, "Then it's not just a clever name."
• Why don't the Ottawa Lynx, whose attendance has been sagging badly in recent years -- not unlike Britney Spears -- ever try stuff like this to goose their sagging attendance figures? Sure, it's crass, but it least it's a stab at finding a creative way to get more butts in the seats. The Lynx have tried classy promotions -- honouring the 60th anniversary of Jackie Robinson's debut with the Montreal Royals recently -- and it hasn't helped.

• Unconfirmed reports say that Newark's other promotions include Swarming Night, Heavy Sack Beating Night, Evidence Tampering Night, and a Tara Reid lookalike contest, where one fan gets a dinner for two with the Jersey girl who most resembles the Wyckoff, N.J., party girl/actress. Second prize for the fans is a date with the contest runner-up. Third prize is a date with the actual Tara Reid.
• Getting a first look at Global Baseball makes me wish I had followed through on a personal vow to pay more attention to leagues outside of North America (this was made right after the World Baseball Classic). If someone knows of some good English-language resources for following the Japanese leagues, send it this way.
  
  Anyways, Global Baseball has a report on some Cuban defectors who worked out in the Dominican Republic just recently. One name that Toronto fans might want to remember is Yohannis Perez, a 23-year-old shortstop with a line-drive bat and good defensive skills. The Jays have never signed a Cuban player, although in the mid-'80s they did toy with signing Omar Linares -- who was probably the best player not in the majors at one point -- and only having him play home games so they wouldn't violate the U.S. trade embargo.
• Some background before you pick Canada's best (and worst) sports announcers.
• Lousy Lions, pitiful Packers and brutal Bears. Oh my!
• Almost forgot the Jays and the Evil Empire are playing an afternoon game today. Flipped it on to find the Jays already down 3-0 in the second inning.

That's all for now. Enjoy the long weekend coming up. Send your thoughts to neatesager@yahoo.ca.