I'VE GOT A FEVER, AND THE ONLY PRESCRIPTION... IS A GOOD SPORTS CLICHÉ

Crash: It's time to work on your interviews.
Nuke: My interviews? What do I gotta do?
Crash: You're gonna have to learn your clichés. You're gonna have to study them, you're gonna have to know them. They're your friends. Write this down: "We gotta play it one day at a time."
Nuke: Got to play... it's pretty boring.
Crash: 'Course it's boring, that's the point. Write it down.

Yes, as the Toronto Star's Garth Woolsey notes, July 9 to 15 is Sports Cliché Week, and why not? There'a day for everything; this week alone, back to back, will mark National Nude Day (Friday, July 14) and Be A Dork Day (Sat., July 15).

So here's just a few budding sports clichés that need to be excised, before they take root.

"Kicking the tires." Favourite trite phrase of the "Hockey Experts" on various Canadian cable channels when they speculate about NHL trades. And it's not just Rogers Sportsnet's dunderhead-in-residence, Nick Kypreos -- they all use it.

"Trying to get the monkey off their back." This origin of this expression actually refers to ending a dependency, not breaking a seven-game losing streak in games against AL West opponents on odd-numbered Tuesdays.

"Our A-game is better than their A-game." Usually heard from the mouths of crybaby Ottawa Senators fans and The Team 1200 mouthpieces after its latest playoff debacle.

"He gives them depth." Of course he/she does. No player subtracts depth from a team, although I came close in my one-and-only season of high school basketball at Ernestown Secondary School.

"Moving forward" and/or "going forward." An empty bit of corporate-speak, often heard from hockey coaches in bad suits.

"That's why they say 90% of the game is half mental." A Yogi Berra-ism that believe it or not, is uttered by the digitized John Madden in Madden 06.

"You have to be good to be lucky and lucky to be good." This is a golden oldie that really doesn't pass muster. In football, particularly, the ball always bounces for the team with the better quarterback.

Related:
Sportscliche.com
Time to celebrate sports clichés (Toronto Star)
Equal-Opportunity Offender: We Eat TV Sports Personalities For Lunch (June 28)

That's all for now. Send your thoughts to neatesager@yahoo.ca.