TRAVEL-WEARY TEAMS

Items of interest as you called your buddy Tiger to ask if he wants to go fishing tomorrow.

• Jays-Obsessed: Ty Taubenheim finally looks like a major-league pitcher, so naturally, the Jays couldn't get any runs for him in a 3-1 loss to the Marlins at that baseball palace known as Dolphin Stadium. Casey Janssen and Roy Halladay pitch the next two games, so better times should be ahead.
• One change that may come out of this Edmonton-Carolina Stanley Cup final is an end to the travel-heavy 2-2-1-1-1 format that means the teams may criss-cross North America four times during the series. Both Sports Illustrated's Michael Farber and the Toronto Star's Damien Cox have written about this within the past week. Farber's column mentions Dave Hodge's idea of a 2-3-1-1 format:
  
  

  This is how it would work. The team with the fewer points would open the series on the road, which many coaches would deem an advantage. That team would come home for three matches, play Game 6 on the road and still have home ice advantage in Game 7. Instead of the current four cross-continent trips, this system would max out at three.
  

  It seems Farber meant to say the team with the most points would open the series on the road and have home ice for Games 3, 4, 5 and 7. Regardless, you have to believe the idea of changing the format for the final has some traction among the powers-that-be.
  
  Doug Weight won't play for the 'Canes in Game 6 tonight, so it looks like Josef Vasicek will take his spot. Aaron Ward, who's also hurt, is going try to give it his best. (Toronto Star.)
• Bad Idea Blue Jeans has some purported correspondence between the Yankees and the late, great Mickey Mantle, whose answer to the question of what he considered his outstanding experience at Yankee Stadium isn't quite what you'd expect. (Via Deadspin.)

That's all for now. Happy Father's Day, Dad.

THE JAYS REALLY DO STRUGGLE IN NL PARKS!

One more loss like that, and Montenegro is going to declare its independence from Serbia. Wait a second ...

• The Toronto Star's Richard Griffin dug up the dirt on the Jays' interleague woes: Try a 1-9 record in their last 10 games in NL parks. What's interesting is the Jays might play Troy Glaus at shortstop for a couple games on this trip to Florida and Atlanta. Also of note: Griffin brings up that intentional pass to Lyle Overbay that backfired on the Orioles yesterday, but didn't question Baltimore's dubious strategy.
• The feeling here is the Oilers have gone from having a 5% chance of winning the series coming into Game 5 to now being pretty much an even-money bet. Here's Al Strachan's take.
• Such is life in Leafs-land: the Star also noted that even if Tie Domi's contract is bought out, his $1.25 million salary will still count against the salary cap in 2006-07. So ultimately, the Leafs are stuck in a bad decision. It says here that if there's nothing to be gained, salary cap wise, in buying out Domi, then let him come back for one more season.
• DCSportsChick is very happy today: the Capitals' AHL affiliate, the Hershey Bears, became the Calder Cup champions last night.
• Chad Finn is having some fun with random 1980s baseball cards.
• Yes, someone was dumb enough to write a season preview on every CFL team: Here they are: Hamilton Tiger-Cats, Montréal Alouettes, Toronto Argonauts, Winnipeg Blue Bombers in the East; and in the West: B.C. Lions, Calgary Stampeders, Edmonton Eskimos, Saskatchewan Roughriders.)

That's all for now. Send your thoughts to neatesager@yahoo.ca. Now let's hear it for Lost Prophets.

SLOTBACK SLOG: THE MONTRÉAL ALOUETTES

Yes, the Canadian Football League season kicks off tonight. To ensure that you don't get flagged for a time-count violation (that's Canadian for "delay of game"), Out of Left Field has slapped together -- and I do mean slapped -- some team capsules for upcoming season. As part of its contribution to the fight to end Eastern bias within our lifetime, we're starting on the West Coast and working our way east amid various hilarious highjinks, much like those crazy kids in National Lampoon's Going The Distance. Presenting: The fightin' Montréal Alouettes.

MONTRÉAL ALOUETTES
2005 record: 10-8, lost Grey Cup to Edmonton
Head coach: Don Matthews
Who looks kind of like: The jaded, world-weary but street-wise investigator from every by-the-numbers cop drama you've ever watched against your better judgment. He's seen it all. He's burnt out. He's made compromises and done some things he's not proud of, like his stint coaching the Orlando Thunder in the World League of American Football. But you know that he gets results.
Famous alumni: Lawrence Phillips, Johnny Rodgers, Marv Levy, Vince Ferragamo. (OK, so we're stretching the definition of "famous.")
Hey, didn't you used to play for? .... : RB Robert Edwards had a 1,000-yard season with the Patriots in 1998.
No, that's really his name: DB Lamont Brightful. Seriously, what kind of parents name a child Lamont?
Trivial trivia: Kicker Damon Duval is married to the daughter of team president Larry Smith. There's one kicker whose job is safe.
Guy who's been there forever: Offensive tackle Uzooma Okeke. He became an Alouette in the Ottawa Rough Riders disperal draft. In 1997.
Key off-season pickups: QB Marcus Brady, QB Nealon Greene, DB Davis Sanchez
CanCon: Running back Éric Lapointe won two Hec Crighton trophies (Canada's equivalent of the Heisman) in his collegiate career at Mount Allison University.

Well, we've made it all the way across Canada, from Vancouver Island to Montréal, Que., and the most unpleasant part of Out of Left Field's CFL preview.

CFL newbies take note: Unless you're from Quebec, there is no acceptable reason for being a Montréal Alouettes fan. Remember the other day's railing against the Edmonton Eskimos? The Als are even worse.

For this writer, the Als were tolerable when they were graced by the great Jock Climie, the one-time receiver nonpareil for the Queen's Golden Gaels, one of my early and enduring sporting obsessions. But when Climie retired after the 2001 season, mild liberal-humanitarian tolerance went out the window.

Alouettes fans and the general populace they walk among are not a bunch of oil-drunk Albertans, but they make up for it with Gallic insouciance, the cheapest beer prices in the dominion, $10 lap dances, 3 a.m. last calls, cheaper university tuition, purloined Ontario tax dollars coming out the wazoo and actual culture to speak of.

Montreal has inspired novels by Mordecai Richler, plus songs and novels by Leonard Cohen. Compare that to Toronto, which as a muse, has inspired (crickets chirping) .... one bad Trooper song and the TV series Street Legal. Enough said.

Quebecers just know how to live, dammit, and we uptight WASPy Ontario-types love and hate them for it. Mostly hate, if it hasn't been made clear enough already.

When it comes to football, though, of late the Rest of Canada has been getting the last laugh in November. The Als have reached the division final in an unmatched nine of the past 10 seasons, and have but one Grey Cup to show for it. It's telling that 2001, when Montréal hosted the big game, was the one year that the Als crapped out in the Eastern semi-final. Even toying with the possibility of winning in front of a hometown crowd was just overwhelming. Some might say that was very French of them, but we're above that sort of thing here.

So the long and short of it is that somehow, some way, the Alouettes will keel over for the Argos when it matters most. For the time being, let it be said that Montréal is good, at least until the defence takes the field.

Offensively, what's not to like? If this column were written by Gregg Easterbrook, tackle Uzooma Okeke would be touted as a front-runner to be the CFL's Non-QB/RB MVP. Save for one season when he took a stab at the NFL and another that was lost due to knee surgery, he's been a CFL all-star every year since 1997. With Dave Mudge at the other tackle spot and centre Brian Chiu, the Als probably have the best front five in the CFL.

It all flows from there. Robert Edwards and Éric Lapointe are a great 1-2 punch at tailback; veteran QB Anthony Calvillo could spend his off-season fasting and praying in a Tibetan monastery, show up 15 minutes before the opener, and still put up 5,000-yard season throwing to the likes of slotback Ben Cahoon, Thryon Anderson, Kerry Watkins and Canuck receivers Sylvain Girard, Dave Stala and O'Neil Wilson.

In 2005, Montréal's defence was, in a word, ephemeral. The Als seemed to be prone to playing games that had scores that resembled Arena League games (or a Detroit Pistons playoff game, take your pick). The D has been overhauled for '06, with a new scheme and six new starters; the returning stalwarts include tackle Ed Philion, rush end Anwar Stewart, outside linebacker Tony Strickland and safety Richard Karikari. The reacquired Davis Sanchez is one of the league's best cornerbacks.

As far as special teams go, Damon Duval led the CFL in scoring in '05. Little Ezra Landry, all 5-foot-4 of him, is an exciting kick returner (he had a 125-yard return for a touchdown last year), although he will miss tonight's season opener against Winnipeg with an injury. Karikari has lots of experience with returns, having done it in his days at St. Francis Xavier.

Bottom line: The Als, under the guidance of that crafty four-letter so-and-so Don Matthews, will be the Wes Mantooth to the Argos' Ron Burgundy all season long, with the teams likely meeting in the Eastern final for the fourth straight year.

That's when the Argos will, figuratively speaking, smash their face into a car windshield, and then take their mother Dorothy Mantooth out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again ... as they head west for the Grey Cup.

(Previous capsules: Hamilton Tiger-Cats, Toronto Argonauts, Winnipeg Blue Bombers.
West Division capsules: B.C. Lions, Calgary Stampeders, Edmonton Eskimos, Saskatchewan Roughriders.)

SLOTBACK SLOG: THE TORONTO ARGONAUTS

Yes, the Canadian Football League season kicks off tonight. To ensure that you don't get flagged for a time-count violation (that's Canadian for "delay of game"), Out of Left Field has slapped together -- and I do mean slapped -- some team capsules for upcoming season. As part of its contribution to the fight to end Eastern bias within our lifetime, we're starting on the West Coast and working our way east amid various hilarious highjinks, much like those crazy kids in National Lampoon's Going The Distance. Presenting: The fightin' Toronto Argonauts.

TORONTO ARGONAUTS
2005 record: 11-7, lost East final
Head coach: Mike (Pinball) Clemons
Who looks kind of like: Sorry, no jokes about the Pinball Wizard. He defies easy categorization. He is a lot of things -- preacher, poet, master motivator, a possible future Mayor of Toronto and in his playing days, more fun that upon further review, there is no appropriate simile. "Bellyful of chili and a Bic lighter" is just too gross.
Famous alumni: Rocket Ismail, Cookie Gilchrist, Stupid Joe
Hey, didn't you used to play for? .... : Three other Argos besides you-know-who -- RB John Avery, WR R. Jay Soward and OL Bernard Williams -- are former NFL first-rounders.
No, that's really his name: WR Arland Bruce III
Trivial trivia: DE Eric England played in the only XFL championship game. He would probably prefer you didn't mention this.
Guy who's been there forever: S Orlondo Steinauer
Key off-season pickups not named Eric Crouch or Ricky Williams: SB-KR Keith Stokes, DB Dave Donaldson
CanCon: Not one but two former Queen's Golden Gaels, RB Bryan Crawford and OL Jon Landon. Three if you count radio play-by-play man Jaime Stein, an alumnus of CFRC 101. 9 FM.

Talk about your Canadian conundrums. Yours truly holds the CFL near and dear, and regularly heaps scorn upon Toronto, yet roots for its CFL team, which is reviled coast-to-coast for having the league's less fervent, most fair-weather fans and, well, being from Toronto. However, that is neither here nor there.

The Argos came more or less out of nowhere in 2004, winning the Grey Cup despite having the league's lowest-rated offence. In '05, they finished in first place, but couldn't handle such prosperity, losing to the Montréal Alouettes in the East final after being up two touchdowns early in the game.

Fans of karma will note it all went downhill in the East final after R. Jay Soward celebrated a touchdown catch by dashing to the concession stand for a bag of popcorn, an act of overzealous celebration that drew admonishments even from the likes of Chad Johnson and Terrell Owens. OK, so it didn't. But Soward actually did go get a bag of popcorn. That much is true.

Now the Argos have gone and incensed the rest of the CFL by signing Ricky Williams while he's under NFL suspension. Never mind that the every other team has employed far more dubious characters (cough, Lawrence Phillips) and they're just bitter they didn't seize the initiative and get Ricky on their negotiation list.

Yours truly has predicted Williams will not lead the league in rushing since (a) it's clear he wants to increase his NFL longevity by becoming a Tiki Barber type, a rushing-receiving threat; and (b) the Argos haven't had a dominant running game since the days of Gill (the Thrill) Fenerty.

The Argos prefer to go pass-wacky, which is part of the reason they don't run-block particularly well. Of course, a one-off chance to block for a recent NFL rushing leader seems like plenty of incentive to improve that element of their game.

Forty-two-year-old quarterback Damon Allen is a mere 1,320 yards away from Warren Moon's unofficial pro football record for career passing yards. With returning receivers Robert Baker, Arland Bruce III, Tony Miles and Andre Talbot, along with speedster Keith Stokes, Allen should, barring injury, surpass that mark by the fifth game of the season.

Of course, the Argos are all about defence and special teams, which lets them often win games where they've been outgained. Eric England and Jonathan Brown (13 sacks in '05) are the leaders of the pass rush, while LB Kevin Eiben was the second-leading tackler in the league last season. Veteran Orlondo Steinauer and perennial Eastern all-star Clifford Ivory anchor a bend-but-don't-break secondary; Bashir Levingston is expected to get more playing time at corner after being a return specialist for the past four years. One downside: LB Michael Fletcher is beginning the season on the injured list.

As for specialists, the Argos have a terrific tandem in do-it-all kicker Noel Prefontaine and Levingston, who will be splitting the runbacks with Stokes (who may miss Saturday's opener against Hamilton due to an injured left arm). When that duo is on the field, possibly with Bruce alongside them, there won't be many dull moments.

Bottom line: The Argos may struggle early on but will ultimately return to the Grey Cup -- not just because they have added Ricky Williams to an already good team, but because it will hack off the Rest of Canada.

(Previous capsules: Hamilton Tiger-Cats, Winnipeg Blue Bombers.
West Division capsules: B.C. Lions, Calgary Stampeders, Edmonton Eskimos, Saskatchewan Roughriders.)

SWEDE RELIEF! AND THEODORE PITCHED SIX SCORELESS!

Items of interest during a night spent racking our brain to remember if we'd ever done anything to get on Ozzie Guillen's shit list.

• Something funny almost happened to the Tre Kroner today -- they almost turned Tuesday's Paraguay-T&T matchup into a showdown for the second spot in Group E. Fortunately for the Swedes, their fans, and one recent convert with Swedish-Canadian ancestry, Fredrik Ljungberg finished off a three-man passing play with a lunging header past the Paraguayans' Aldo Bobadilla in the final minutes, and Sweden prevailed 1-0 (oops, one-nil). Live in fear, England -- now Tuesday's match is for top spot in the group and an easier draw in the elimination rounds.
• Someone had to say it. Tom Benjamin, on the NHL's new rules changes: "... they have not solved the problem we all wanted solved. It is still too hard to score. We have a faster, less violent game with marginally more scoring. Even if we ignore the fact that most of the extra goals result from more power plays, scoring remains very low."
  
  Oh, there is a solution that will see fast-paced, hard-hitting hockey with more scoring. It's obvious as what happens when the referees call coincidental minor penalties: 4-on-4 hockey.
• Jays-Obsessed: Six shutout innings from Theodore Lilly and the usual five relievers covering the last three innings paced the Jays to a 4-2 victory and a series win over the Orioles, leaving Toronto one game off the AL East pace heading into a 15-game stretch of interleague play. Had to question the thinking of Orioles manager Sam Perlozzo. In the bottom of the sixth, in a 1-0 game with runners on the corners and two out, Reed Johnson stole second base uncontested. With first base open, Perlozzo had Daniel Cabrera intentionally walk lefty-hitting Lyle Overbay to set up a righty-righty matchup against Shea Hillenbrand. Hillenbrand singled in two runs -- ultimately giving Toronto its winning margin.
  
  It seemed weird at the time since Overbay was 0-for-2 in the game and just 2 for his last 13. He's a slow runner, so it's not like setting up a force play at every base was paramount.
  
  Upon closer inspection, it still makes no sense. Overbay came into yesterday hitting .243 against the Orioles this season, .278 at home, .276 against righties, compared to, respectively, .366/.345/.310 for Hillenbrand. Yet Perlozzo opted to pitch to Hillenbrand. Go figure.
• Another Jays stat: Roy Halladay leads the majors in fewest pitches per inning (13.1). So there's no reason to worry about his lower strikeout rate. He's pacing himself.
• Jays-Marlins outlook. No stats to back this up, but it seems the Jays always drag ass on the road against National League teams. (All I remember about the day of my Queen's University convocation in 2000 was that the Jays lost 8-7 to the Marlins.)
  
  Saturday and Sunday are the Jays' best bets (the jury's out on Taubenheim until he puts one in the win column.) Here's the pitching matchups:
  
  Friday: Ty Taubenheim (0-3, 5.68, 1.79 WHIP) vs. lefty Scott Olsen (5-3, 5.10, 1.35 WHIP). The Jays wear out lefties. Olsen and his 5.10 ERA in the junior varsity league could be in for a whuppin'. Expect Overbay to sit in favour of Hillenbrand with no DH in the NL park.
  Saturday: -- Casey Janssen (5-4, 3.66, 1.00 WHIP) vs. Brian Moehler (4-5, 6.68, 1.70 WHIP). Janssen looks for a bounce-back start after getting knocked out early by the Orioles on Monday. This better not be one of those days where the Jays make some plug of a journeyman pitcher look the reincarnation of Christy Mathewson.
  Sunday: -- Roy Halladay (8-1, 2.75) vs. Josh Johnson (5-4, 2.05, 1.16 WHIP).This shapes up as a tough one, even with Doc pitching. Johnson has allowed fewer than two earned runs in four of his past five starts and would lead the NL in ERA if he had pitching enough innings to qualify. Righties are hitting just .180 against him.

That's all for now. Send your thoughts to neatesager@yahoo.ca.

SLOTBACK SLOG: THE HAMILTON TIGER-CATS

Yes, the Canadian Football League season kicks off tomorrow. To ensure that you don't get flagged for a time-count violation (that's Canadian for "delay of game"), Out of Left Field has slapped together -- and I do mean slapped -- some team capsules for upcoming season. As part of its contribution to the fight to end Eastern bias within our lifetime, we're starting on the West Coast and working our way east amid various hilarious highjinks, much like those crazy kids in National Lampoon's Going The Distance. Presenting: The fightin' Hamilton Tiger-Cats.

HAMILTON TIGER-CATS
2005 record: 5-13, missed playoffs
Head coach: Greg Marshall
Who looks kind of like: Your wife's "personal trainer" (wink, wink)
Famous alumni: Timm Rosenbach
Hey, didn't you used to play for? .... : O-lineman Greg Randall won a Super Bowl ring with the 2001 Patriots.
No, that's really his name: General manager Rob Katz
Trivial trivia: RB Kojo Aidoo was selected Canadian's outstanding university player in 2000 -- then played sparingly during his final two years after McMaster after breaking his leg working as an extra in the remake of Brian's Song.
Guy who's been there forever: S Rob Hitchcock
Key off-season pickups: QB Jason Maas, RB-KR Corey Holmes, RB Josh Ranek
CanCon: Marshall is the first Canadian in recent history to be a CFL head coach.

Vignettes from the Hamilton sports experience:

November 2004, Copps Coliseum. With the NHL lockout well into its second month, the Hamilton Bulldogs, AHL affiliate of the Montreal Canadiens, host the Leafs' farm club, then based out of St. John. Which means the 'Dogs attract a sellout crowd -- almost all of whom are wearing blue-and-white as they desperately try to get their Leafs fix.

Crowd: "Go Leafs, Go!"

Announcer: "Come on, fans! Let's make some noise for your hometown Hamilton Bulldogs!"

Crowd (louder): "Go Leafs, Go!"

September 2005, Hwy. 24, southwest of Brantford, Ont. Driving back from the Rogers Centre after witnessing coach Mike (Pinball) Clemons' Argos clean the Tabbies' collective clock 48-0, the radio was tuned to a Hamilton rock station. A message came on, a chipper, cheerleader-voice type urging listeners to, "Support your Ticats!"

The next song: Pinball Wizard -- an unwitting reference to the Argos coach. Colleague Jeff Dertinger and I (both Argos fans) laughed heartily. This actually happened.

Ticats fans, to borrow from Hey Jenny Slater's comparison of NCAA football teams and Simpsons characters, have a Moe Szyslak-sized chip on their shoulders, a kind of defensive pride. Their animus toward the rival Argos and the encroaching, sprawling city of Toronto knows no bounds and it grates to no end that while the Argos have had their way with them time and again over the past few years, for the most part, hip, too-cool-for-the-room T.O. doesn't attach any civic pride to its CFL fortunes, certainly not like Hamilton, Saskatchewan and Winnipeg collectively does.

But this season might be different. Hamilton acquired a quarterback, Jason Maas, in an extremely sketchy deal with Edmonton. It pilfered the smouldering wreckage of Ottawa Renegades for running back Josh Ranek, offensive lineman George Hudson, punter Pat Fleming, offensive co-ordinator Joe Paopao and offensive line coach Kani Kauahi. Hamilton flipped the first pick in the dispersal draft to get all-purpose back Corey Holmes and by that point, already had added two big-time receivers, Kwame Cavil and Terry Vaughn, to complement D.J. Flick (1,245 yards in '05).

Of course, this is where you point out that last season, the Ticats landed a big-time receiver, Chris Brazzell, and we all know how that worked out. Hamilton also has four new starters on the offensive line, and the fact so many Renegades refugees are filling important roles this season might tell you what the state of Hamilton's personnel has been over the past couple years. Last season seemed to suggest that the 9-8-1 record in 2004, Marshall's first season, is one of the most remarkable coaching jobs the CFL has seen in the last decade. (That said, how Marshall could have been voted coach of the year over Pinball Clemons when Hamilton was 0-5-1 against the Argos is a bit baffling.)

If it seems like the pre-season talk surrounding Hamilton has revolved around its offence, well, there's a reason. The defence sucked out loud last season, giving up league-worst 583 points. Sure, part of that can be pinned on an offence that went 2-and-out a lot and had a lot of turnovers, but considering that Winnipeg was in the process of setting a league record for most yards allowed, giving up 25 more points than the Bombers is quite the dubious achievement.

Hamilton does have a solid front with tackle Adriano Belli playing between ends James Cotton and Tim Cheatwood, but the next two levels are a little lacking, save for defensive back Jason Goss.

Hamilton's kicking game was spotty last season, but Jamie Boreham's placekicking should improve now that Fleming has taken the punting chores off his hands. Holmes should be the kind of return threat Hamilton hasn't had since ... Earl Winfield?

Bottom line: On paper, Hamilton looks decent. The Ticats might crack the 10-win plateau for the first time since 2001 and hold off the fourth-place team in the West for the division's final playoff berth. Emphasis on might.

(Previous capsule: Winnipeg Blue Bombers. West Division capsules: B.C. Lions, Calgary Stampeders, Edmonton Eskimos, Saskatchewan Roughriders.)

LOOKS LIKE BARGNANI

He said red means run, son / numbers add up to nothin'.

• Scott Carefoot figures Raptors fans should get ready to brush up on their Italian pronunciation, writing, "The first overall pick is already locked up by Andrea Bargnani." It doesn't look like Bryan Colangelo will be able to gull someone into trading up, so now apparently the Raptors have to sell Chris Bosh on Bargnani. Three weeks ago, when the Raptors won the lottery, I ruled out their drafting Adam Morrison No. 1, and yesterday, figured that Dirk Nowitzki's dominant post-season would make it easier to sell the public on Bargnani, a player who the fans know much less about than Morrison, LaMarcus Aldridge or Tyrus Thomas. Bargnani's put up decent numbers as a 20-year-old playing major minutes in the Italian League, so that bodes well for his future.
  
  Also of note: Toronto native Denham Brown, who might be available when the Raptors pick 35th, has been invited back for a second workout in front of Raptors coaches, reports the Toronto Sun.
• Well, Jays fans, keep your fingers crossed that Theodore Lilly can soak up 7 or 8 innings today against the Orioles. The bullpen had to pick up Scott Downs (who's really a reliever) last night. The Star's Geoff Baker points out that contrary to the impression some fans have formed, statistically, the Jays bullpen is one of the most efficient in the American League. Trouble is, the relievers have worked more innings than any other team that has a winning record. By the way, the Jays are seven wins away from franchise victory No. 2,300. (Hat tip to Batter's Box.)
• Ex-Jays pitcher Esteban Loaiza, who's now with the A's, was arrested for impaired driving after being stopped doing 120 mph on the highway. And here we thought Loaiza would never crack 90 on the radar gun.
• A week after the Br-rrrr-i-an Wil-li-ams debacle, CBC Sports has just suffered another public depantsing. The public broadcaster has been completely cut out of the Canadian Curling Association's new six-year TV deal, which gives exclusive rights to TSN beginning in 2008. (Presumably the semis and final will be carried on CTV.) Considering that a Brier final typically pulls in a million viewers, yeah, CBC should be a little concerned.

That's all for now. Send your thoughts to neatesager@yahoo.ca.

SLOTBACK SLOG: THE WINNIPEG BLUE BOMBERS

Yes, the Canadian Football League season kicks off on Friday. To ensure that you don't get flagged for a time-count violation (that's Canadian for "delay of game"), Out of Left Field has slapped together -- and I do mean slapped -- some team capsules for upcoming season. As part of its contribution to the fight to end Eastern bias within our lifetime, we're starting on the West Coast and working our way east amid various hilarious highjinks, much like those crazy kids in National Lampoon's Going The Distance. Presenting: The fightin' Winnipeg Blue Bombers.

WINNIPEG BLUE BOMBERS
2005 record: 5-13, missed playoffs
Head coach: Doug Berry
Who looks kind of like: Jack Lemmon's character in Glengarry Glen Ross, who was the inspiration for Gil on The Simpsons. ("Dammit, Doug, that looked like a pass completion! Ooh!")
Famous alumni: Dieter Brock, Sean Salisbury.
Hey, didn't you used to play for? .... : Wideout Quentin McCord is a former Atlanta Falcon.
No, that's really his name: OL Dan Goodspeed (who, ironically, plays on the line)
Trivial trivia: The Bombers boast two of the only remaining Carleton Ravens in the CFL in DE Cameron Legault and WR Darryl Ray. (Ray was a member of Carleton's final team in 1998 before finishing his collegiate career at the U of Ottawa.)
Guy who's been there forever: K Troy Westwood
Key off-season pickups: OL Ibrahim (Obby) Khan, RB Henri Childs
CanCon: DE Tom Canada, his U.S. passport be damned.

After a season in which it set a league record with 8,249 total yards allowed, the Bombers made a coaching change, replacing Jim Daley and with Doug Berry.

Berry's specialty is offence. Go figure.

So the Bombers are coming off a second straight out-of-the-playoffs disaster of a season, and worse yet, the Ottawa gong show has forced them to move into the East Division, meaning fewer games against their natural Prairie rivals.

Such is the angst of the Manitoban. Not quite East, not quite West, taunted by both the slick types in Ontario who appropriated the "central Canada" tag for themselves and the hayseeds in Saskatchewan who love to joke the best thing coming out of Manitoba is the Trans-Canada Highway.

It could be a long year in Winterpeg, but at least it will be wacky. Last Saturday, the Bombers released punter Bryan Claybourn, but as the Winnipeg Sun noted this week, Berry said he planned "all along" to have the American rookie handle the punting. (What's the CFL coming to when they sign an American to do nothing but punt -- Bob Cameron never would have stood for this!)

The Bombers are entering Year 3 of what shapes up as a 10-year quest to find a quarterback the equal of Khari Jones, who was run out of town midway through '04. Kevin Glenn isn't great, but he's the best Winnipeg has, and the personnel on offence isn't half bad, with 2005 rushing champion Charles Roberts and slotback Milt Stegall, who's closing in on the league's career touchdown record. Albert Johnson III has rejoined the receiving corps after bouncing around the NFL and NFL Europe for the past five years, and the O-line, one of Berry's areas of expertise was shored up when Ibrahim Khan and Val St. Germain were added through the Ottawa dispersal draft.

Defensively, there's nowhere to go but up. Winnipeg added a couple of veterans, LB Barrin Simpson and DB Kelly Malveaux, but both players' best days are probably behind them. Not surprisingly, after last season, there's a lot of new faces on this side of the ball, including new co-ordinator Greg Marshall.

Troy Westwood is a Winnipeg institution as the Bombers kicker, and Johnson has replaced the departed Keith Stokes as the primary return guy.

The last word goes to the new coach, Berry, who said this week, "I’d rather have a fan that is critical rather than no fan at all."

It looks he's going to get that wish.

Bottom line: Even in the East, seven wins looks like a tall order for these Bombers.

(West Division capsules: B.C. Lions, Calgary Stampeders, Edmonton Eskimos, Saskatchewan Roughriders.)

OILERS PLAY THE SPOILER

Seriously, American Film Institute? Rudy is more inspirational than The Killing Fields? Come now.

Hope is a dangerous thing. The Edmonton Oilers had next to none coming into last night, now they have it.

So.... what's the story now? Is it the start of the Great Oilers Comeback, or a bump on the road for the Carolina Hurricanes, akin to Albert Pujols hittting a walk-off home run in last season's National League playoffs, only to have the Houston Astros wrap up the series in the next game?

If you're an Edmonton backer, you're probably marshalling your facts after the Oilers extended their season at least 72 more hours with a 4-3 overtime win last night. In two of Carolina's three wins -- the Roloson/Conklin game in the opener and Game 4 on Monday -- the contest could have gone either way. Of course, now Edmonton's won a game when it had the winning goal go in off a player's chest. And now tonight, with Fernando Pisani nicking the puck off Eric Staal's stick 3:31 into overtime to score the first short-handed OT winner in the history of the Stanley Cup final.

So either Edmonton got lucky -- here's where it will be noted that Ray Whitney hit the goal post with about eight minutes left -- or the first four games flattered Carolina and now the tide has turned. Let's point out that the loss leaves Carolina 3-3 in potential clinchers this spring. This team never does anything the quick 'n' easy way, but it's not going to let one setback derail them.

For those of you who think it was just a moment of inspiration by Pisani, who'd also scored Edmonton's first goal just 16 seconds, it's more likely Edmonton's coaches and scouts had picked up on some tendency in the breakout pattern Carolina uses on its power play. Like a cornerback in football, Pisani stepped in front of the receiver, and soon it was over.

Carolina should be -- stress, should be -- fine. Cam Ward's been level-headed enough to shake off bad games and benchings this spring. Cory Stillman, who made the ill-conceived pass, is the only Hurricane with a Stanley Cup ring (he was with Tampa Bay in '04), so he should know better than anyone else in this series that nothing can be taken for granted in the playoffs.

That lesson, apparently, hasn't been put into practice by Staal, who's scored or set up five of Carolina's six goals across the past two games, but was a mite too casual on the game-deciding play. Next time, Eric, cut toward the middle to make the pass shorter.

There's an argument to be made that Edmonton was perhaps fortunate to win after Ray Whitney rang a shot off the goalpost with about eight minutes left in regulation. On the other hand, you can make a case -- and some will -- that the first four games of the series flattered Carolina, which lost Aaron Ward and Doug Weight for significant portions of last night's game. As James Mirtle points out, Carolina has been nearly injury-free in these playoffs, something which can't be said of its opponents.

Here's what is for certain: only one team has ever overcome a 3-1 deficit in the Stanley Cup final (the '42 Leafs, who were down three-zip), and they sure didn't do it with a power play that went 2-for-32. Also, last night's loss left the Hurricanes 3-3 in potential series clinchers this spring. They have been through this in the last two rounds, and one loss isn't going to derail them.

OTHER BUSINESS

• The CFL looks royally stupid today. Francesca Dansereau, a 22-year-old amateur football official, accepted a job as a chain holder for Montreal Alouettes home games, only to have it rescinded "because they did not want women on the sidelines." Really? Then what's with the cheerleaders? What makes it even odder is that there are already a couple women doing the same job, and they had gone largely unnoticed -- just as officials are supposed to be, regardless of gender. Dansereau is promising to file a human rights complaint, and based on the story I read, it's hard to see how she won't win, hands down.
• Why can't Edmonton bury those 5-on-3s? Al Strachan explains.
• About those Blue Jays, 6-3 winners over Baltimore last night. Ask me again after Theodore Lilly starts today's 12:37 p.m. businessman's special. Incidentally, Tom Verducci of Sports Illustrated lists the Blue Jays' second base problem as one of the biggest trouble spots among contending teams. Sheet. I could have told you that.
• Deadspin can't get enough of bashing J.J. Redick.

LET US HOCKEY FANS GO ...

Twenty years later, it's become crystal-clear why Cameron in Ferris Bueller's Day Off wore a Detroit Red Wings sweater.

The NHL is a little like Ferris Bueller's best pal in one respect: a complete and total lack of acknowledgement that it's played a part in its own trials and tribulations. Cameron's dilemma, which of course has to be solved by the film's end, is that he is miserable and depressed, because his parents are miserable and depressed, and believes "there's nothing I can do about it."

That's much like the NHL and its refusal to accept that there's no good reason to still be playing hockey in the middle of June. This goes whether the Carolina Hurricanes finish off the Edmonton Oilers tonight, Saturday, or in the unlikelihood the series goes the full seven games, in which case it would end June 19.

The NHL's knee-jerk dismissal over questions about the length of the season essentially boils down to: Oh, this was an Olympic year. Well, dummy, who signed off on NHLers participating in the 2006 Olympics? You did. That's beside the point. (Yours truly supports the NHLers being at the Olympics, by the way.)

It's not that the league had to shut down for three weeks in February to accommodate the Olympics. It's that the league doesn't see its own complicity. One of the biggest hypocrisies of the "new NHL" is that aside from cosmetic changes which have made the game better, we're still stuck with the same bloated, overly long season. The NHL still persists in having its calendar bump up against that of every major sport in North America, and a few of the minor ones too.

Look around. CBC lost nearly a million viewers from Game 1 to Game 2 of the final. Even the most dedicated hockey bloggers seem to be keeping their posts shorter as the series has dragged on.

With the World Cup underway, it's even more obvious that the NHL is on the wrong path. I live in Ottawa, where the Senators were eliminated a month ago. For all the talk about the Oilers having captured Canadians' imagination, an informal, admittedly highly unscientific glance around suggests otherwise. While waiting to catch the bus to work these days, I see all sorts of flags flapping from passing vehicles, people showing the colours of their country: the flags of Italy, Germany, Portugal, England, Brazil. How many Oilers flags have I seen? One -- and it was flying from the delivery van of a popular chain of sports bars, so for all I know, it's only being flown on the say-so of some corporate drone.

It's one thing to worry about a dwindling audience in the States -- a disinterested audience in Canada is another matter entirely. The NHL should take notice of the front page of the Ottawa Sun (my day job) from Tuesday, the day after Game 4 of the final. Hockey didn't get the front-page photo -- soccer did. Had the Oilers won, it likely would have been a different story, but just the fact that at a major metropolitan market, hockey can no longer be assured of its place in the Great Canadian Sportscape.

To reiterate what I've said earlier, there's no reason why the NHL couldn't start the regular season around Sept. 15, cut the regular season down to about 72 games, and award the Stanley Cup some time before the May two-four weekend. No reason at all.

At the end of that movie, Cameron realizes he can change his path, saying, " I am not going to sit on my ass as the events that affect me unfold to determine the course of my life. I'm going to take a stand."

The NHL could do the same. It can do it gradually -- phase in the chance by shaving two games off each team's schedule each season until gets down to about 72 games. Or it can wait until the next CBA (which it would probably have to).

This space aims to be less about "Why?" and more about "Why not?" There's no good reason why the season can't be shorter.

Just now, a colleague walked by my desk carrying a press release announcing a NHL pre-season game, commenting, "September 23rd? God, is it that soon?"

Which begs the question: is that really the way a sports league wants people to talk about its upcoming season? No.

Send your thoughts to neatesager@yahoo.ca.

SLOTBACK SLOG: THE SASKATCHEWAN ROUGHRIDERS

Yes, the Canadian Football League season kicks off on Friday. To ensure that you don't get flagged for a time-count violation (that's Canadian for "delay of game"), Out of Left Field has slapped together -- and I do mean slapped -- some team capsules for upcoming season. As part of its contribution to the fight to end Eastern bias within our lifetime, we're starting on the West Coast and working our way east amid various hilarious highjinks, much like those crazy kids in National Lampoon's Going The Distance. Presenting: The fightin' Saskatchewan Roughriders.

SASKATCHEWAN ROUGHRIDERS
2005 record: 9-9, lost East semifinal
Head coach: Danny Barrett
Who looks kind of like: One of the aspiring comedians who appears in Jerry Springer's audience.
Famous alumni: Ronnie Lancaster, George Reed. No more needs be said.
Hey, didn't you used to play for? .... : O-lineman Fred Childress was the Bengals' second-round pick way back in 1989.
No, that's really his name: QB Rocky Butler
Trivial trivia: WR-KR Jason Armstead once had three punt-return touchdowns in one game as a junior-college player.
Guy who's been there forever: FB Chris Szarka
Key off-season pickups: Armstead, QB Kerry Joseph, DB Almondo Curry
CanCon: WR Jason French. He's not Canadian, but his name could fool you.

Canadians' admiration for the people of Saskatchewan is evident throughout Canadian pop culture, as much as Canada can claim to have any pop culture.

There are references in songs by the Tragically Hip (Wheat Kings) and the Rheostatics (Melville), both of whom have decidedly southern Ontario roots. It's not for nothing that when author Will Ferguson needed a titled for a collection of his travellogue, he called it Beauty Tips From Moose Jaw.

Then there's the selection of former Saskatchewan premier Tommy Douglas as the Greatest Canadian a couple years ago, not to mention the popularity of Corner Gas.

Yes, the series is set in Saskatchewan because that's where creator/star Brent Butt is from. Let's face it, though, while the humour draws on the universal theme of small-town isolation, to Canadians, nothing says "small-town isolation" like Saskatchewan.

That's why the Riders, the province's only pro team, have the best fans in the CFL. There's no need for preambles such as "arguably" and "on par." Ask any Riders fan -- if you work and live in any major city in Canada, you're bound to run into a few, thanks to the diaspora spawned by the downturn in agriculture over the past quarter-century -- about "Ronnie Lancaster" or "David Ridgeway, 1989" and the devotion pours out, pure as the driven snow. It's akin to what W.O. Mitchell, the famed Saskatchewan writer, called "playing old tapes."

There's one old tape, though, that it pains Rider Nation to play, and it's involves the name "Ted Provost." For Riders fans, time essentially stopped on November 28, 1976. That was when -- why do you Easterners have to keep bringing this up? -- in the dying seconds of the Grey Cup against the Ottawa Rough Riders, Provost, an all-star defensive back, let Ottawa's Tony Gabriel get open on a deep route to catch the winning touchdown pass, snatching away victory in what should have been the final hurrah for The Great Lancaster.

Sure, there are some who argue that Provost wasn't totally at fault, but like Bill Buckner 10 years later, the blame was all his. Fully completely, always and Forever.

The Curse of Provost was doubly destructive. Ottawa has never won the Grey Cup again after that purloined victory, and lost in the '81 championship after a dubious "double pass interference" call -- which involved, you guessed it, Tony Gabriel -- and has now lost two football teams.

However, that's nothing like the fall from grace Rider Nation has coped with for the past three decades. The team has known a few winning moments -- prevailing in the 1989 Grey Cup, probably the greatest game in the history of the CFL -- but little can make up for what it lost.

The angst even got to a point where the University of Saskatchewan had to put a clause in its student code of conduct that proscribed any student from writing a thesis that attempted to link Provost's mistake with any subsequent crises in the province's economy and the Riders' concomitant struggles throughout much of the 1980s.*

(*OK, so I made that up. But admit it, you believed it for a second.)

However, it's not bleak. This seems like the season the Riders leave lethargy behind, once and for all. The Grey Cup is being held in Winnipeg and there's nothing that would please Rider Nation more than painting the Manitoba capital green in late November.

GM Roy Shivers pulled off a major trade, sacrificing quality to get quality by sending 2005 Outstanding Player nominee Corey Holmes to Hamilton so he could take Ottawa quarterback, Kerry Joseph in the dispersal draft. Another ex-Renegade, Jason Armstead, is expected to replace Holmes as an all-purpose threat, while Joseph, who gained more than 1,000 yards rushing last year, will bolster a Kenton Keith-led rushing attack that averaged a league-best 135 yards per game in '05.

Along with Armstead, Joseph will be throwing to the likes of Matt Dominguez, who will now be the Riders' No. 1 receiver since Elijah Thurmon signed with Calgary. Saskatchewan also got the No. 1 overall draft choice in the Holmes trade and used it on 6-foot-4 Andy Fantuz, who set collegiate receiving records at Western Ontario.

Saskatchewan's defence returns virtually intact from last season, with the exception of one spot in the secondary -- which Curry is expected to fill -- and one spot in the linebacking corps. Yes, the Riders are still dealing with the situation of ex-linebacker Trevis Smith, who was charged with aggravated sexual assault late last season after local authorities disclosed that he was HIV-positive -- and it subsequently came to light that the Riders knew of this, but had not disclosed it, citing privacy concerns. (Smith's case is still before the courts.)

So it would appear that if any CFL team is poised to have a redemptive, healing-power-of-sport season in 2006, it's the Saskatchewan Roughriders.

The only element this team has lacked over the past couple seasons has been a consistent quarterback. If Joseph can be The Guy and hasn't been too scarred by his Ottawa experience, the Riders have the potential to win West and turn Winnipeg into an adjunct capital of Saskatchewan come late November.

Bottom line: Yes, the Riders are a darkhorse to win the West, but we love our darkhorses around here.

(Previous capsules: B.C. Lions, Calgary Stampeders, Edmonton Eskimos.)

WEDNESDAY WARBLINGS

Separated at birth? Newly hired New Jersey Devils coach Claude Julien . . . and Bill from King of the Hill. Thank you to the Photoshop virtuoso who created this. Incidentally, here is Bill's Wikipedia page. Here I thought I knew way too much about that show.

• So can I get an ETA on when the commentariat will finish their self-righteous sermons about how Ben Roethlisberger should have worn a bike helmet? Suddenly every sports columnist in North America is an expert on motorcycle safety and public policy. Here's hoping Big Ben makes a full recovery. Here's hoping he will wear a helmet next time, but please, get off your soapboxes, especially you, Peter King of Sports Illustrated.
  
  Your lot probably never gave two seconds' thought to motorcycle safety before Monday, and by the middle of next week, you never will again -- until Roethlisberger resumes practising or playing and this story gets run into the ground some more, or the next time some other dumb jock makes the same mistake. And make no mistake, there will be a next time.
  
  As for the politician whom King lambasted for saying the crash wouldn't make him change his support for Pennsylvania not making helmets mandatory, good for him! In this day and age, it's rare to see an elected official who doesn't change his/her mind just because something terrible happened to some celebrity. Just like 1991, when Magic Johnson contracted HIV and suddenly, we were supposed to pretend to care about HIV/AIDS. Stupid a--holes. If it takes something like that to make you care about a certain issue, then you don't have it in you to care.
  
  Question: Doesn't it stand to reason that King, who regularly works self-indulgent references to Starbucks lattés, The Sopranos and the trials and tribulations of his daughter's high school softball season into his columns, would have been free to write about motorcycle safety if so inclined? So why didn't he before Big Ben's crash? You tell me.
  
  (Note: Rant also applies to the late Christopher Reeve and stem cell research, but politicians should support stem cell research, since it will improve the everyone's quality of life.)
• You know the NHL spin now: Carolina winning the Stanley Cup is all but a fait accompli. Paraphrasing Charlie Dressen, the Oilers is dead. Do these words written in the hours after Game 1 ring a bell?
  
  

  ... it was building up to be the rare Stanley Cup final that's as good as the series that led up to it, with excitement and interest building with each game. Then two plays -- The Injury and The Giveaway -- turned the Oilers from vital to a vapour.
  
  Or in a word, Deadmonton.

• Miami won Game 3 of the NBA Finals last night 98-96 thanks to a effort by Dwyane Wade that I don't enough English to describe. Just a thought: You know who might be (silently, albeit) pulling for the Dallas Mavericks to win the NBA championship? Raptors GM Bryan Colangelo. Italian blue-chip prospect Andrea Bargnani has drawn favourable comparisons to Dirk Nowitzki, and if the world's tallest Hasselhoff fan leads the Mavs to the promised land, that would help Colangelo sell a restless a fan base on the belief that Nowitzki-types -- a guy with centre size and small forward skills -- are the future and drafted a raw, untested Euro-prospect first overall is sound thinking. That is, assuming the Raptors don't trade down. The Toronto Star's Doug Smith says if it were up to him, it would be a frontcourt of Bargnani, Chris Bosh and Charlie Villaneuva, rather than the latter two with Adam Morrison.
• A classic story from The Onion.
• World Cup: It's all about Sweden vs. Paraguay on Thursday.
• Vintage Roy Halladay last night: One run on six hits and just one walk in a 7-1 Blue Jays victory that took just two hours 11 minutes. Worth noting: the Orioles are 1-9 on the year against lefty starters, which the Jays are throwing at them the next two games. Trouble is, it's Scott Downs and Theodore Lilly.

That's all for now. Send your thoughts to neatesager@yahoo.ca. Let's hear it for F!ght F!ght F!ght.

SLOTBACK SLOG: THE EDMONTON ESKIMOS

Yes, the Canadian Football League season kicks off on Friday. To ensure that you don't get flagged for a time-count violation (that's Canadian for "delay of game"), Out of Left Field has slapped together -- and I do mean slapped -- some team capsules for upcoming season. As part of its contribution to the fight to end Eastern bias within our lifetime, we're starting on the West Coast and working our way east amid various hilarious highjinks, much like those crazy kids in National Lampoon's Going The Distance. Presenting: The fightin' Edmonton Eskimos.

EDMONTON ESKIMOS
2005 record: 11-7, won Grey Cup
Head coach: Danny Maciocia
Who looks kind of like: He's looking forward to finishing Grade 12.
Famous alumni: Warren Moon. Enough said.
Hey, didn't you used to play for? .... : RB Troy Davis holds the sole distinction of being the only player in NCAA history to rush for 2,000 yards in back-to-back seasons; wideout Jason Tucker once played for the Dallas Cowboys
No, that's really his name: OL Patrick Kabongo
Trivial trivia: Before converting to fullback, Mathieu Bertrand twice quarterbacked the Laval Rouge et Or to the Vanier Cup, Canada's university football championship.
Guy who's been there forever: K/P Sean Fleming
Key off-season pickups: DT Robert Brown, DB Reggie Durden
CanCon: A couple reserve backs named Mike -- tailback Bradley and fullback Maurer.

Until you live in the West, you don't really get an appreciation of what a rotten bunch the Edmonton Eskimos are.

They are vile, despicable, smug and smarmy, waving their string of Grey Cup titles in everyone's faces, because aside from the Oilers, the tar sands and maybe the wave pool at that damn mall, what else can Deadmonton take pride in?

It's not a surprise that Edmonton calls itself the City of Champions -- it's only surprising that it waited for the Eskies to run off five straight Grey Cups from 1978 to '82 and for the Oilers to start winning Stanley Cups before it anointed itself with such a boastful sobriquet.

Yet we come not to bury the Eskimos, but to praise them. Year after miserable soul-sucking year, they're there -- the Yankees and Duke University of the CFL. The names and faces change, but aside from an inexplicable stretch between 1997 and 2001 where they were shut out of Grey Cup berths, they're usually in the big game about every other year. They've played in three of the past four Grey Cups, winning twice.

They find ways to get around the rules -- like last season, when they engineered a mid-season deal with Hamilton that essentially sent the Tabbies quarterback Jason Maas, but allowed him to finish out the season in Edmonton. The whole affair reeked to high heaven when Maas came off the bench in both Edmonton playoff wins prior to the Grey Cup -- then was promptly sent to Hamilton within days of the championship game.

As this Edmonton Sun story chronicles, the Oilers' impending defeat isn't the only matter of concern these days. Edmonton's collective capacity for poor-mouthing, which would put Lou Holtz himself to shame, is in high gear. But-but-but, the party line holds, our secondary hasn't played together. We have new people in at linebacker and defensive line. Our O-line's been rebuilt. We have to play the Stampeders back-to-back to open the season.

Oh, do shut up already. Anyone who's smart enough to know only a total masochist would become the next CFL commissioner knows that the Eskimos will come around. It's just a matter of when. The Eskimos still have the Grey Cup MVP, Ricky Ray, who'll be handing off to the likes of Troy Davis and Canadian-born back Dahrran Diedrick, while throwing to veterans Jason Tucker, Derrell (Mookie) Mitchell, Ed Hervey and Trevor Gaylor, who you might remember as the guy who holds Miami of Ohio's all-time receiving record. (If you do remember that, seek help, please.)

Defensively, it's a bit of dog's breakfast, with veteran D-back Shannon Garrett being experimented with at linebacker and several players working at the defensive end spots. Edmonton did add tackle Robert Brown and defensive back Reggie Durden from Montreal to bolster a unit that allowed the fewest points in the West in '05.

Sean Fleming has been Edmonton's kicker since Brian Mulroney was in office (the Bush 41 administration, for you American readers). Return specialist Tony Tompkins racked up close to 2,000 yards in runbacks last season and had a league-high four return touchdowns. He's also from Port Arthur, Texas, hometown of Janis Joplin. So he's got that goin' for him, which is nice.

Bottom line: The Eskimos will be in the mix after Nov. 1. They always are.

(Previous capsules: B.C. Lions, Calgary Stampeders.)

SLOTBACK SLOG: THE CALGARY STAMPEDERS

Yes, the Canadian Football League season kicks off on Friday. To ensure that you don't get flagged for a time-count violation (that's Canadian for "delay of game"), Out of Left Field has slapped together -- and I do mean slapped -- some team capsules for upcoming season. As part of its contribution to the fight to end Eastern bias within our lifetime, we're starting on the West Coast and working our way east amid various hilarious highjinks, much like those crazy kids in National Lampoon's Going The Distance. Presenting: The fightin' Calgary Stampeders.

CALGARY STAMPEDERS
2005 record: 11-7, lost West semifinal to Edmonton
Head coach: Tom Higgins
Who looks kind of like: Your Grade 8 gym teacher.
Famous alumni: Doug Flutie, Jeff Garcia
Hey, didn't you used to play for? .... : DE Rahim Abdullah was with the "new" Cleveland Browns during that team's first two seasons.
No, that's really his name: WR Ken-Yon Rambo.
Trivial trivia: Punter Burke Dales is the brother of WNBA player Stacey Dales-Schuman and a cousin of NHLer Jason Arnott.
Guy who's been there forever: G Jay McNeil
Key off-season pickups: WR Scotty Anderson, backup QB Danny McManus (yes, the same Danny McManus who played at Florida State in the '80s)
CanCon: Linebacker/long snapper Marc Mitchell is a former Queen's Golden Gael; O-lineman Taylor Robertson is from Kingston, Ont. Remember, when it comes to pimping for Kingston, Don Cherry has nothing on Out of Left Field.

Every time the Stampeders have planted a seed over the past few years, someone -- usually the Edmonton Eskimos -- says, "Kill it before it grows."

Calgary has known some winning moments through the years, but mostly, the Stamps' role of late has been to exist so stuck-up, spoiled-rotten Edmonton fans can take pot shots. As recently as 2004, the Stampeders were the laughingstock of the league, and considering that league included Ottawa and Hamilton, that's saying something. The nadir may have been last season, when Calgary drafted Miguel Robede first overall in the Canadian college draft and he decided to stay another year at the University of Laval. Granted, leaving Laval might have meant a pay cut.

Well, no more. Calgary's talking a big game these days -- even after getting punked 57-13 by B.C. in a pre-season game. And why not? After four straight years with a losing record, the Stampeders finished in the black last season. Offensively, there's a lot to like. The offensive line is experienced. Henry Burris was the league's third-rated passer in '05 and led the CFL in average yards per attempt -- the most telling indicator of a QB's proficiency. Tailback Joffrey Reynolds is the West's leading returning rusher.

The receivers? The Stampeders return two good ones, Nik Lewis and Jeremaine Copeland, but drove across the Alberta-Saskatchewan border to sign 1,000-yard receiver Elijah Thurmon away from the Roughriders. Throw in former NFLers Anderson and Anthony Bright and a solid Canadian possession receiver in Brett Ralph -- you can't win in the CFL unless you have a Wayne Chrebet-like little white guy who is a solid rowt runner -- and that's the makings of a pretty good passing game.

Defensively, Abdullah and Sheldon Napastuk are the best of an decent D-line, while the Stamps have a French Connection with veteran Randy Chevrier and Robede. Linebacker George White, the league's leading tackler in '05, is beginning the season on the injured list.

Canadian safety Wes Lysack anchors the secondary. Calgary did a passable job of not allowing a lot of points last year (443, third-fewest in the league), but needs to force more turnovers to be successful. Trey Young and Jermaine Chatman are back in a unit which has added speedy rookie J.R. Ruffin and Ottawa Renegades survivor Crance Cremons.

As for their specialists, kicker Sandro DeAngelis was an all-star as a rookie last season; Dales had a 44-yard average in his rookie season. David Allen, who caused a bit of a kerfuffle when he bolted in mid-season last year to go to the NFL, is back. Here's a name to keep an eye on: Rookie RoShawn Marshall, who is beginning the season on the practice squad, had four punt-return touchdowns as a college senior last season.

Bottom line: It's hard to think of the Stampeders as a serious contender after all that's gone down, lo, these past few seasons. However, strange stuff happens in the CFL every season. Let's just say by November, it's more than likely Calgary will be a team no one wants to meet in the playoffs, regardless of who has home field.

(Previous capsule: The B.C. Lions.)

DUKIE NAILED FOR DUI!

Trivial minutaie on this Tuesday afternoon of no particular distinction, as you thought of 50 O. Henry-esque ways to die for that really cool oompahpah band that was into hip-hop.

• This is schadenfreude writ large: Duke's do-no-wrong basketball star, J.J. Redick, was arrested and charged with impaired driving in the early hours of today. This comes as no surprise to anyone who saw Redick play over the past four years: we all know he can't drive. Scott Carefoot, who was first to this, jokes, "What the story doesn't mention is that Dick Vitale posted bail." Deadspin is all over this, as you might expect.
• So Josh Towers, will not, I repeat, will not, be starting for the Jays tomorrow against the Orioles. He's staying in The 'Cuse, as Richard Griffin reports. And no, wise guy, they haven't come up with a way for Roy Halladay to pitch two games in a row. Scott Downs will take Gustavo Chacin's place.
• Can't keep this Dick down: World Anti-Doping Agency Dick Pound has slammed the NHL's boasts that there's no use of performance-enhancers among its players. Pound noted that (a) the league doesn't test in the off-season and (b) doesn't test player after the games. We all know any test can reveal whatever the tester wants revealed. Or concealed, as this case may be. The crux of the grievance here isn't that performance-enhancing drugs may be prevalent in the NHL -- you don't know, and I don't know -- but that the league would act like the public is that naive to believe it would buy whatever party line it peddles.
• Raptor draft scuttlebutt: It still says here that Adam Morrison will not be drafted by the Raptors. Carefoot says he could live with it, though. The Toronto Star's basketball beat writer, Doug Smith, says he likes Morrison, but not "enough to suggest Toronto draft him unless they move back to No. 3 in a deal with Charlotte and Andrea Bargnani is gone."

That's all for now. Send your thoughts to neatesager@yahoo.ca.

SLOTBACK SLOG: THE B.C. LIONS

Yes, the Canadian Football League season kicks off on Friday. To ensure that you don't get flagged for a time-count violation (that's Canadian for "delay of game"), Out of Left Field has slapped together -- and I do mean slapped -- some team capsules for upcoming season. As part of its contribution to the fight to end Eastern bias within our lifetime, we're starting on the West Coast and working our way east amid various hilarious highjinks, much like those crazy kids in National Lampoon's Going The Distance. Presenting: The fightin' B.C. Lions.

BRITISH COLUMBIA LIONS
2005 record: 12-6, lost West final to Edmonton
Head coach: Wally Buono
Who looks kind of like: The guy who goes undercover to bust Tony Soprano.
Famous alumni: Former Vikings QB Joe Kapp (above), Doug Flutie, Carl Weathers (the guy who played Apollo Creed in the Rocky movies)
Hey, didn't you used to play for? .... : QB Dave Dickenson spent three years as a backup with the Chargers; reserve pivot Jarious Jackson once starred at Notre Dame.
No, that's really his name: OL Angus Reid (who shares his name with a Canadian polling firm)
Guy who's been there forever: LB Carl Kidd.
Key off-season pickups: K Paul McCallum, DB Korey Banks.
CanCon: Defensive linemen Brent Johnston and Matt Kirk both hail from Kingston, Ont. Which doesn't tell you anything, except it's my adopted hometown.

The B.C. Lions' 2005 season unravelled faster than the final reel of Wedding Crashers, as a quarterback controversy involving the older but oft-injured Dickenson and the starter from '04, Casey Printers (who's since signed with the Kansas City Chiefs), brought B.C. down. The Lions reeled off 11 straight wins to open the season. Then a last-second loss to Montreal sent them into a downward spiral, and the Lions, who hosted the Grey Cup, had to watch as the big game in their stadium pitted the Eskimos against the Alouettes.

Man, if Left Coasters didn't have their lattés, skiing, surfing, year-round golf and nude beaches, there might have been mass consternation over the Lions' rise and hard fall.

Anyway, the Lions return most of the nucleus from last season. Dickenson, provided he can stay healthy, has three 1,000-yard receivers at his disposal in Jason Clermont, Geroy Simon and Ryan Thelwell. Former NFLers Aaron Lockett and Tony Simmons fill out the receiving corps. Underrated running back Antonio Warren totalled over 1,600 combined yards in '05.

Defensively, the Lions now boast the league's 2005 leaders in sacks (Johnson) and interceptions (Banks, acquired from Ottawa in the dispersal draft). Banks joins veteran Barron Miles in the B.C. secondary. Look for former U of S Huskies star Tyson Craiggs to be a big contributor on special teams on D.

On special teams, veteran Paul McCallum signed as a free agent after 14 seasons -- and two costly misses against the Leos in the 2004 West final -- with Saskatchewan. Lockett, the one-time Kansas State standout, led the CFL in kickoff-return yards in 2005 and tallied over 2,000 yards all told on runbacks.

(**UPDATE: The Lions had former Ottawa kicker Sandro Sciortino in camp, but he left the team and was subsequently cut.)

Bottom line: The Lions will probably tear up the CFL yet again -- and once again, find a way to lose when it matters most.

SOUTHEAST-BOUND AND DOWN 3-1

They got a long way to go, and a short time to get there . . .

It's all about knowing your hockey clichés at this time of year, and tomorrow it will be that the Carolina Hurricanes are poised to bring the Stanley Cup back to the Triangle because its best players were better than the Oilers' best players in tonight's 2-1 victory.

It was Chris Pronger, after all, who got a case of Belakitis and coughed up the puck to Eric Staal late in the second, leading to former acid-washed jeans model Mark Recchi scoring the game-winner. Of course, in Pronger's defence, that was bound to happen after the strain he's been under, shouldering such a heavy load throughout these playoffs.

There's more to it than that. Edmonton has a boatload of power-play woes and other than in Game 1, hasn't had more than one line firing on any given night. (Even in Game 3, the Ryan Smyth-Shawn Horcoff-Pinto Hemsky line accounted for both Oilers goals.)

That's what this space suggested would swing the series to Carolina: "It just keeps coming back to Carolina's depth up front against the Oilers' back end, which relies heavily on just four d-men."

That, along with The Injury, The Giveaway, Cam Ward's goaltending and Edmonton's surpassing suckiness on the power play, is the story of this series. So is the fact that Carolina's back end has proven stronger than many skeptics suggested.

Other factors have fallen by the wayside: Roloson's been hurt, Carolina's power play hasn't been lights-out (but even mediocre is enough when your opponent is 1-for-25) and Staal was invisible in the first three games. At the end of the day, Carolina's getting more production up and down the lineup, and that's why the Cup will soon be theirs.

One other thing about tonight's game: The teams combined for only 43 shots, and the puck seemed to bounce all over the place. Remember, this is Edmonton, long reputed to have the best ice in the league. I defy any crew to keep the ice hard and crisp when they're playing hockey on June 13. Once again, proof that nothing really changed after the lockout season, since the NHL still insists on having an ungodly long season that doesn't need to drag into the middle of June.

Yes, there was a two-week break for the Olympics, but with a shorter training camp and shorter regular season, hockey wouldn't be competing for attention with the World Cup, even in supposedly hockey-mad Canada.

OTHER BUSINESS

• Look for positives, look for positives about the Blue Jays, now officially into a June swoon after a 6-4 loss to the Orioles. Well, Alex Rios homered twice, so we can strike the slump talk. And yes, it could be expected that Casey Janssen might have trouble when he was facing the Orioles for the second time in less than a week. Fun fact: the Jays have hit nine homers in this three-game losing skid, but scored just 12 runs. The only run that didn't score via the long ball came on a RBI double Sunday by Edgardo Alfonzo, who was promptly released. Russ Adams is back from Triple-A but apparently his bat didn't clear Customs: 0-for-4 in his first start at second base.
• Just so you know, Barry Bonds has never failed a MLB drug test, either: The NHL went into self-congratulatory spasms yesterday after revealing it had no positive drug tests this season. Subtext to the story: Don't mess with the hockey mafia, especially if your name is Dick Pound. Let hockey solve its own problems. Just like it did with Todd Bertuzzi. Oops. Bad example.
• It appears Big Ben Roethlisberger will be all right after breaking his nose and jaw in a motorcycle crash on Monday.
• Do yourself a favour and check out what my man Pat Pearce has to say.

That's all for now. Send your thoughts to neatesager@yahoo.ca.

BLUE JAYS ON THE BRAIN

Czechs 2, USA none .... And here you thought Soccerroos were something you wore as a kid.

• Jays-Obsessed: A four-game set with the Orioles gets underway tonight with yet another pitching matchup between Casey Janssen (5-3, 3.07, .92 WHIP) and Anna Benson's husband (6-5, 4.64, 1.35 WHIP) The rest of the series is as follows:
  
  

  Tuesday: Roy Halladay (7-1, 2.93, 1.01 WHIP) vs. Canada's own Adam Loewen (0-0, 7.80, 2.00 WHIP)
  Wednesday (gulp): Josh Towers (1-8, 9.00, 1.93 WHIP) vs. Rodrigo Lopez(4-7, 6.51, 1.53 WHIP). Bet the "over" on this one.
  Thursday: Theodore Lilly (5-7, 4.46, 1.54 WHIP) vs. Daniel Cabrera (4-2, 4.13, 1.74 WHIP)

  The Jays would do well to take 3-of-4 here. All bets are off on Wednesday if there is a trade between now and then that keeps Towers out of the rotation.
• Richard Griffin, the Toronto Star's master of the blatantly obvious, points out that the Jays need to get veteran pitching help. Fair enough -- the Jays do need help. However, this is the kind of fools Griffin plays readers for:
  
  

  Fans talk about career 49-game winner (A.J.) Burnett as if he was a messiah
  coming off the DL to lead the Jays to the promised land. Consider that Burnett
  missed one injury season ('03) with the Marlins and that was the year they won the World Series over the Yanks.

  Not only is that pretty spurious reasoning, but where are these "fans," you speak of, Mr. Griffin? I'd like to think I have my ear to the ground more than someone who, not to stereotype, probably enters the stadium through a special media entrance and sits in the press box. When it comes to fans' opinion of the A.J. Burnett saga, the word that comes to mind isn't messiah. Take the last three letters off, and you've got some idea. At best, if Burnett can pitch the rest of the season without pain, he might be a decent No. 2 starter, and hell of a lot better than what the Jays are running out there right now.
• The Hardball Times has updated Win Shares through June 6. Here are your league all-star teams:
  
  AMERICAN LEAGUE
  C Ramon Hernandez, Orioles
  1B Jason Giambi, Yankees
  2B Jose Lopez, Mariners
  3B Alex Rodriguez, Yankees (by a smidgen over the A's Eric Chavez)
  SS Derek Jeter, Yankees
  LF Carl Crawford, D-Rays
  CF Curtis Granderson, Tigers
  RF Alex Rios, Blue Jays
  DH Jim Thome, White Sox
  SP is a virtual dead heat between Jose Conteras, Mike Mussina, Scott Kazmir and Johan Santana
  RP Jonathan Papelbon, Red Sox.
  
  Couple of notes: It's just a lucky coincidence that the top three AL outfielders in Win Shares Above Bench each play a different position. This is through June 6, so Rios' recent slump might have dropped him back in the pack a bit. Also, in total Win Shares, the unheralded Hernandez leads the league with 13.7, just ahead of Thome's 13.4. Not that anyone should expect a catcher on a fourth-place club who came over from the National League to garner serious MVP consideration.
  
  NATIONAL LEAGUE
  C Johnny Estrada, D-Backs
  1B Albert Pujols, Cardinals (of course)
  2B Chase Utley, Phillies
  3B David Wright, Mets
  SS Edgar Renteria, Braves (Arizona's Damion Easley is tied for the lead in Win Shares Above Bench despite his part-time status)
  LF Alfonso Soriano, Nats
  CF Carlos Beltran, Mets
  RF Bobby Abreu, Phillies
  SP Brandon Webb, D-Backs
  RP Brian Fuentes, Rockies
  
  Incidentally, if you're wondering how the Reds have come out of nowhere, catcher Dave Ross is a big reason. The 29-year-old Ross is on his fourth team in four years and is making just $500,000 for the season, but his hitting -- an 1.142 OPS in his first 71 at-bats -- is good enough to put him second in WSAB among National League catchers.
• Game 3 between the Oilers and 'Canes goes tonight. (The broadcast starts at 8 p.m., but the puck will drop around 8:20. Just a heads-up.) Work commitments will prevent another live blog, but should this series go seven, there will be one next Monday.
  
  Anyways, don't be surprised if Edmonton evens up the series heading back to North Carolina; but Edmonton's faltering power play and overtaxed penalty killers might keep them from pulling off the series win.
• Not exactly what you want to wake up to on a Monday afternoon: Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger was hurt in a motorcycle crash less than 90 minutes ago. Reports say his injuries aren't life-threatening, but how much do you want a bet he'll wear a helmet from now on? (Deadspin has more.)

That's all for now. Send your thoughts to neatesager@yahoo.ca.

ABOUT ADAM: NOT A RAPTOR

Various matters that crossed your mind as you pondered how your life would have been different if "Backyard Drills with Bill Parcells" had come out in 1988.

One week ago, some dim bulb of a prognosticator -- OK, this dim bulb of a prognosticator wrote "if Adam Morrison goes No. 1 in the NBA draft, that means the Raptors traded down." Scott Carefoot was first to suggest that GM Bryan Colangelo would be wise to trade down from the No. 1 spot and also flip Charlie Villanueva for a lottery pick; that idea makes too much sense not to try it.

This is germane in light of Doug Smith's story about Morrison in yesterday's Toronto Star. What jumps out is the conclusion, which touches on the Gonzaga star being a diabetic, which has raised some doubts about "how he would handle the wear and tear of an 82-game NBA season":

Morrison will have the benefit of the best medical care he can get in whatever city he plays in, he'll have the financial ability to hire nutritionists, trainers and whatever else he needs and the comfortable travel lifestyle of an NBA team will be much less a grind that what he went through in college.

"I think it's a little overblown," he said.

Smith is just doing his job as a beat writer -- show all sides of the story. However, that last passage just seems a little cryptic. You have to wonder if the Raptors are trying to put up a smoke screen -- assuage any doubts about Morrison, put out the vibe that he's a bona fide No. 1 pick and boom, before you know it, Colangelo will have all sorts of people asking to trade up.

OTHER BUSINESS

• Did anyone other than SI.com's Allan Muir take notice of this? During a press conference last week, Gary Bettman said he'd like to see the new rule that prevents a team from changing players after it ices the puck applied also "considered when the goaltender freezes the puck." Don't think for a moment that won't be considered this summer.
• Question: So when will Rafael Nadal win a Grand Slam somewhere other than at Roland Garros? His win over Roger Federer in the French Open final made him 6-1 career against the world's consensus No. 1 player, made it 60 clay-court wins in a row and as Deadspin notes, "further cemented his place as the world’s greatest athlete in capri pants."
• Another NBA Draft note: Toronto's Denham Brown, who played at UConn, is apparently turning heads at the pre-draft camp in Orlando, writes SI.com's Chris Ekstrand.
• R.I.P., Moe Drabowsky. Anyone who once gave the commissioner of baseball a hotfoot and endured pitching for both Kansas City major-league teams gets induction to the Out of Left Field Hall of Fame.
• Speaking of K.C., the Royals are 16-45. How does that compare with the worst teams ever after 61 games? The Royals are even with both the '62 Mets and '03 Tigers had after 61 games, but one win behind the pace of the 1916 Philly A's and three behind the 1935 Boston Braves.

That's all for now. Send your thoughts to neatesager@yahoo.ca.